I am in love with a girl. She is the one person that really completes me, most caring, hardworking, prayerful & beautiful person I have ever met.
But she also does live in a different continent. Her family relocated 4 years ago to the other end of the world. She is a student, working and paying for higher education.
Let me start from the beginning. We met about 6 years ago at a church event. We started talking almost daily on phone and became really good friends. She lived in a nearby town. A few months after we met, I told her that I wanted us to be more than friends but she told me she didn’t feel the same about me & she was already in a relationship. I was heartbroken. Our communication stopped. We didn’t speak for almost a year. I never got over her, believe me I tried. I got into a few relationships thereafter but I could just not find someone like her. They were always short and lacked depth. Eventually I decided to stop chasing after a fulfilling relationship altogether and just be.
So almost 2 years after we met, she called me and wanted to meet me, perhaps mend things before she & her family left. We did meet the day before her departure and it was a very bitter-sweetest moment. I felt like a part of me had been ripped off. I know it was also difficult for her. We promised to always pray for each other.
They left. All this time she was still with the boyfriend. I then came to know that they tried to keep their long distance relationship active via Skype etc, but it was strenuous. It came to a point where he didn’t trust her, said she had changed etc. Then I believe they broke up.
2 years later, she reached out to me, we started communicating a few times. Then a year ago, I decided to take my prayer life more seriously and started doing a Bible plan (for reading the entire Bible for a year using a popular android bible app). I thought it was something she might be interested in (she had always been the prayerful one, much more than me). When I told her about the reading plan, I found that she had actually started one just a few days before me, so she decided to delay her reading plan so I could catch up. We then started praying Novenas together, week after week with each person taking a turn at finding a Novena.
And that leads to my situation at the moment. She regards me as a friend, nothing more. I don’t think she is in a relationship, and if she is she’s kept it to herself.
At any time when we have talked about our future plans and getting married, I’ve always told her that I am waiting to meet the right person and hope to start a married life soon. For her she also says that she’s also waiting on the Lord to meet the right person, but that her focus right now is school and work, she gets very busy and it can be very demanding sometime. She has another 3 or so years to finish campus. I on the other hand I finished school a few years ago and I’m in employment. She is a year younger than me.
But she always encourages me to date, even sounds happy at the prospect of me getting a girlfriend etc.
I feel that she really is the one for me. I don’t want to ruin our friendship or make things uncomfortable by telling her how I feel, considering that she did in the past tell me that she saw me as a friend and nothing more.
And even If I were to, I know that long distance relationships are not easy, and considering that hers and her ex failed, I really don’t want to place that burden on her, should she be willing to. I am willing to wait for her until she finishes school or until the time she comes back, if she decides to, if I were to know whether our relationship stands a chance of becoming something more.
I really don’t know what to do at this point. Advice?
To make a long story short, as a new Christian years ago I got in a few relationships (nothing serious), and these fell apart. I got frustrated with God and asked him why this kept happening and that I just wanted to find “the one”. Shortly after, he answered, “Stop looking left and right for what you want. Look away and up at me. Once you learn to be satisfied with me alone, then I will surprise you with your love.” I did do that and he did surprise me thereafter.
Here is the point: in everything, our focus, desire, affection and attention should be to know God, discover him and love him. Become so completely focused on him, forget the rest, give no thought to it, and he’ll take care of the rest.
When he brought me my wife, I was so convinced that I was called to be single for a few years that I could not accept that she was it. Yet, no matter how hard I resisted, it still happen. In fact, I needed no sign that she was the one because the peace of God did away with all doubt. Usually, when we look for signs, it is a sure sign that it is not the will of God. The search for signs indicate that the peace of God is absent.
So focus on God entirely, and if its His desire, he’ll make it happen. Otherwise, there’s someone even better (if that were possible – you may think). Take my word for it. You can never go wrong seeking God entirely with your whole heart, soul, mind and strength. He brought Eve to Adam, he’ll bring your Eve to you. So look away and look up completely. By doing so you may feel a great loss as you let her go, but it really is great gain. You’ll see.
Thank you DC.
What you say feels like the truth. I will take your advice and focus 100% and to the best of my ability on Him. And pray that I find peace while at it.
It’s about time I did that. Thank you.