I am a Christian who has been living a life of homosexual sin. I come from a family of God-fearing people who would be extremely disappointed if they ever knew. I have been in an off and on relationship for the past 3 years. I am 27 years old, and I have been through my fair share of relationships, but I have never felt the love I have for this one individual. It has been amazing and filled with memories that will last forever. However, I have always had extreme guilt.
Sitting in church and hearing just the right song would have me in tears for the guilt of my sin. I always tried to justify it. “God, we love each other…God, we will serve you forever…etc.” But the guilt never left. I wasn’t able to get close to God because I knew there was a barrier that kept me from fully having a relationship with Him. I even had talks with my partner about how guilty I felt, and we both justified it by saying, “Everyone sins…no sin is worse than another…people cuss everyday with no intention of stopping and they aren’t going to hell…our sin isn’t worse than cussing…etc.” All the justifications never gave me a peaceful feeling.
My partner actually broke up with me last year and I was devastated, begged for a second chance, and get this…even prayed for God to bring the relationship back together. During the breakup I entered a heterosexual relationship that left me feeling even more empty because it wasn’t what I wanted, and I felt even more helpless. I prayed for God to make me enjoy the relationship…so that I could be free from heartbreak and homosexuality.
Needless to say, my ex and I got back together, and I was on top of the world again. Until I felt the guilt again, and even more so this time was the regret that one day I would not have the happy family that I have always dreamed of…marriage, children, dog, etc. I prayed to God to help me live out His will…and low and behold my ex broke up with me again 3 months after reconciling (definitely God working), stating it was for good this time and that we will both be better as just friends.
So now, here I am heartbroken…I have been throwing myself in the Word and reading how awful homosexuality is and that I am actually lucky that I was brought up well enough in the church to know right from wrong to establish a conscience. I have prayed for peace in my heart and for my relationship with God to replace the sinful relationship I had and to hold strong above all relationships.
Although I can feel God’s hand on me right now, it is still hard to deal with memories daily and how I miss my partner. I am not going to pursue the relationship again, and that is hard for me to do as well. Instead, I am focusing on leaning on God and letting His will be done in my life. I do know that it was love…a strong love, however unhealthy it may have been…and the idea of letting go of something so great in my mind is hard. Faith and Hope are what I will need to hold strong to and realize that God’s plan is in effect, and I should be overjoyed about it…but I can’t help but ache right now.
I guess what I need is advice and prayers on where to go from here. Also, I feel I should say that I am not one of those “in your face with my relationship” people. I don’t agree with same sex marriage and public display of affection never took place in my relationship. In fact, as strange as this may be…I am disgusted when I see same sex couples displaying public affection. I was simply a person in love with another person who happened to be same sex, and all the while wishing that one of us was the other gender. Please help. :/
Jesus loves to deliver you
Jesus says ASK YOU WILL RECEIVE
God loves you. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. I pray that you would receive a wonderful revelation of His love from the Holy Spirit. It changes everything! I can see a great testimony in the making.
I understand your guilt. I really know what you go through. All sins can feel right, but the heart is exceedingly deceitful. Never go by what feels right, but go with what is right. The lord will help you in repentance because it is impossible for a man to by righteous alone. Don’t take the batteries out of the smoke detecter let your conscience do its thing.
Proverbs 19:23 The fear of the LORD tendeth to life: and he that hath it shall abide satisfied; he shall not be visited with evil.
I appreciate all the input and prayers. I have been doing better. I walk a close walk with Christ and it brings about a certain peace in me. However, today was tough. My ex and I have been communicating because we are close friends (and both of us are through with this sinful way of life). And here is what I don’t get. I have been at such peace with the whole situation, but today when I found out that my ex was seeing someone else (a heterosexual relationship)I froze. I couldn’t believe that I have been so strong and in one instant my heart was crumbling all over again. As soon as I hung up the phone I fell to my knees in prayer and asked for peace again. It would be ideal to talk about these things with my ex and not let it effect me just as good friends do. I really hope we can secure that good friendship and help each other move forward in our walk with God.
I do undersdtand. One thing you have to do is removed any kind of influence in your life. I had to ask God to give me a desire for the opposite sex again, and he did. You always have to be careful though not to put yourself in a vulnerable situation. God Bless You!
Hi there, you can get complete deliverance from Homosexuality. I suggest reading the book by Derek Prince. It is a difficult journey, but I believe you will be sucessful. The book is called “They Shall Expell Demons.” The reason this is a difficult journey, is because you are dealing with two different things. One, an unclean demonic spirit, but also carnal flesh desires. There is also a good story to read (true story) called “The demon that wasn’t there.” Showing the diffence between having a demon or flesh desires. I suggest studying deliverance material. There are some great ministers. Don’t believe the excuses of the world and Psychologist. Read your Bible and determine yourself what is right and wrong. I would concentrate on deliverance in the areas of lust, self hatred, and obsessions.
i feel what u are passing, i have same experience and i believe God is restoring me dialy.
donot be moked the journey is not easy u will have occasional slip and fall.However God is faithfull and just he will deliver us completely.
I am 33years old the past 32-8 years i have been struggling with ssa in my life.Still i am not married and i am waiting God gives me enternal drive so that i will have real passion to opposite sex.
God bless u
Dear Friend I read what you wrote.Iknow how it feels to be struggling with sin.Iwill remember you in my prayers everyday.God will surely deliver you.
God bless you. God is indeed faithful, and will help us to stand, even when it’s hard. His grace is sufficient.
I encourage you to continue to seek the Lord and His presence. His love is even greater than the best of human love, and He will fill your heart to overflowing day by day.
When we lay our lives on His altar, a living sacrifice, day by day, His glory increases in our lives. I do not say there is not pain or struggle, but our experience of His presence is stronger once we have been to that place. Sometimes I have to go there several times a day and be “crucified with Christ” anew.
Although I am married, I have had loneliness and pain in this relationship at times. I have learned over the years to make Jesus my center. I pray He will teach you to do that as well. He truly more than makes up the difference.
My heart goes out to you and I commend you for your choice to honor the Lord in your relationships. As you walk this out, I believe He will in turn honor you with a closer walk with Him. I will keep you in prayer.
Don’t forget to keep your ARMOR on!
The truth and guidance is in the Holy Bible. “Romans 1:25, They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creatorâ€”who is forever praised. Amen. 26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. 28Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.”
See the truth in the Word. “John 8:12 32Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
I will not persecute anyone. If your salvation is your true calling. Read your Holy Bible every night, the Holy spirit is in the Word and the Holy Spirit of God will guide you. This is another passage that is one of my favorites. Romans 8:13, 14 “13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.”
Somehow you will remember me in Heavan. God bless you.
I am also another simple person in love with another who happened to be same sex, and all the while wishing that one of us was the other gender.
I resisted getting into that relationship and that hurts my heart so much already. So I can just imagine your pain. I resisted because I know I know it was not pleasing to Him.
But I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason, most times to learn something. Behind the hurt and pain there may be a message or He is working smth in you that you dun understand, for now. Have faith and you might see His reasons when you finally work out of this.
That is what I’m doing and I hope to encourage you. Strangely I sometimes am convinced He was the one who made me love this woman, to teach me how to love, for I had come from a broken family and am afraid to give my love to a man. Somehow He is trying to heal my old wounds (of my childhood) through something like homosexuality, that is nowhere justifiable in the bible. My reasonaing could sound alittle far fetched, but we all know God works in unfathomable ways.
Be strong, have faith, I believe He will deliver me, and you too, and we will find our happiness, and in righteousness too.
God Bless everyone.
Jin said in an earlier post,
“But I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason, most times to learn something. Behind the hurt and pain there may be a message or He is working smth in you that you dun understand, for now. Have faith and you might see His reasons when you finally work out of this.”
I agree with this statement.
I also want to point out that God loves you every second. To sin means, “to miss the mark.” If guilt is keeping you from happiness than God would want you to walk away from what ever you see as the sin.
There are many people who have so much love to offer and they stop giving and receiving love and hit themselves with hammers because they think God disapproves of them.
I would never want my son to hit himself or hate himself. I would want him to be happy and to be good to people. If he were in a relationship and had love, but was pushing it away because everyone said, “your mother would be so upset.” I would be upset at the people who were judging my son and using my name in vain. I would be sad for my son. I would want him to stop hurting. If you have to be non-sexual or any type sexual to be happy, then go for it. However, if you were happy, would you be looking to us to tell you if you were straight or not, a sinner or not?
God loves us all. We just like to ask for reassurance. You can ask, but be sure to ask him, not us. We are people. We are here to learn things, and we may distort your line of communication with our own hang-ups. I am sorry if that is the case.
I am advising you to stop looking for an answer to your love life right now, just work on connecting with God. The church can help if it helps, but if you leave one Sunday feeling conflicted: it is not your fault. It is the man filter, we all try to convey Gods love, but we are just single channels and the right path for one may not serve the next man as well.
Never feel guilty for wanting a connection to love or to God. Find a safe place and cry or pray or both. You can find God, God stays with you, and is proud to do so.
You are beautiful, you are perfect in the eyes of our savior. That is why God is so beautiful and perfect, reciprocated faith cleanses us all. Have faith in your own ability to connect with God and pray to God as much as you need.
I know the answer is this and this alone. There are no books, friends ,doctors etc. that can do what He can do. I have read many testimonies on this stie and I see people mention God and the Holy Spirit, but rarely mention Jesus. The TRUTH is this unless we have confessed with our mouths and believed in our hearts that Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins, we cant be saved. Again, I say make the confession with you mouth ” Lord Jesus I know that I am a sinner in desperate need of You, come into my heart and be the Lord over my life, make me a new creature. Then and only then can you have access to the Father. Then you need to ask Him to fill you with the Holy Spirit, He will help you. The TRUTh of the matter is this, when the Lord really comes into our lives He places the Holy Spirit within us to prompt us to change.Not by works, by yielding to Him. Then feed only on the Word of God, not books, I am not bashing books but transformation comes not from others experiences but from the washing of the Water of the Word of God. Then get connected with a Whole Bible teaching church, submit to your Pastors and tell them what God has delivered you from. Understand this there is a root to this sin and it has to be exposed and plucked and cast out and renounced. Your Pastor should discuss this with you. When we sow to the flesh especially in sexual areas we become one with the spirit of the other person and that spirit attaches itself to our sprit that is why we still have those desires. Now understand just because we have come into the Knowledge of Jesus and He becomes our Lord does not mean there will not be a fight in your mind, but you have been given the authority in Jesus name to cast the thought down and I ahve to do it verbally when the devil brings it up to me i tell the devil “It is covered in the blood”. I hope I have helped you and if you need more I am at email@example.com.
My life is not my own
Ireally understand im right there at this present moment i struggle with it quite often the only thing that helps me is that i am really afraid of losing my soul and i honestly dont beleive that this person loved me the way i loved them so i made my mind up to move on and to never look back i have too because its just not worth it i promise you that the more you spend time with Jesus you will think about him/her less and less but i really know where you are coming from!!!
For we battle not with flesh and blood, but with principalities and evil in high places. Your battle is with our sinful flesh and Demons. This is true for pornography and a whole mess of other sexual sins.
Sincerley another part of the body of Christ.
This is a hard battle, but know that if you believe in Jesus, he is IN YOU! You need to fast and pray over this, really I mean don’t eat, you can drink, but don’t eat for a whole day and pray about this in a private spot.ALWAYS call on the name of the lord. “Ohh lord JESUS!!” Try to hang around other brothers in the Church. Just be willing for god to change your life. Ask that his will be done with you, tell him you’re suffering. This is a battle of the flesh. These desires might not even really be coming from you. So pray unceasingly, meaning always talk to him in your head. To Jesus Christ. He is there for you always. He will walk you through it!
You are so strong. I don’t really have much else to say except that it is clearly evident that God is working in your life. I too have had things in my life that have clearly been sinful ways to live but I’ve doubted the sovereignty of God and refused to deal with it. Don’t believe lies, replace the lies with Truth. It may/probably will be/already has been a tough, tough journey, but then it was never promised the Christian way would be the easy way.
Try immersing yourself in Scripture like never before. I have been doing this recently and it is just fantastic – am going through 1st Timothy a couple of verses at a time. God’s Word is perfect Truth, complete and sovereign.
Check this out – it spoke to me this week:
“We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. We also know that law is made not for the righteous but for law-breakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious; for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for adulterers and perverts, for slave traders and liars and perjurers – and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine that conforms to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.” 1st Timothy 1:8-11
God bless you and my prayers are with you.
I have read your prayer request and my heart goes out to you because I know to be a healer of this stronghold,we say that we love the Lord but why do we do the things that hurt him? just as your relationship is in the natural so it is in the spiritual, its all about relationship, yea God will and turn your life around and I pray that you will get that relationship with God that will make you go after him and don’t let him go until you get the freedom that God has promised you in his word!
Someone once told me in answer to my question about homosexuals that homosexuals have “entertained a sinful thought.” (I admire and respect this person, as she is a certified counselor) Although I cannot understand what exactly you are going through, I’ve had provocative thoughts about the same sex. The difference is, I did not act on it. From my view point, it is a sin, not just being a homosexual, but carrying out your feelings physically outside of marriage. I am not sure you have done this however(so if you haven’t, I apologize). I know it must be hard and frustrating for you, but God still loves you. I must say though that you may not be fully understanding and walking with God’s Word if you are carrying out actions that are not in line with the Bible. I don’t mean to say you’re a terrible person or anything, because you’re not. If you truely love God, you will put His Word above your own feelings. We all sin involuntarily, and we must learn to control them. For example, when you were little you probably refused to share your toys with your friends. Now you have reached the point, obviously, where you don’t mind allowing someone to, say, borrow your phone. In the same way, these sinful desires should be kept under control. Your instinct says one thing, but what is right in God’s eyes is another thing. Everyone has their own sinful struggles, and this is your’s. Also, try talking to a Christian counselor about it. It would help just explaining everything.