Right now, I am filled with joy. I am so happy that I have found this web site. I feel the Holy Spirit just wanting me to confess and write my feelings in this post. It is Christmas and I’m very happy that I am with my mother now, I’m happy that I am going to see my children tomorrow.
However, I am saddened because I have lost my children’s mother. I treated her so bad, and it just saddens me because her and I never really wholeheartedly tried to work things out for our children. I’m just lonely now.
I wish that she was my wife. I’m still living in the past and I’m trying to let go of this attachment. Maybe I am letting go. But I really wish that I had a wife and children and that I raised them in the same household. But I’m always not in the household and now I feel like fighting to be in the household.
Why do I have to give up and stop fighting for my children’s mother. Why did I have to leave her? I’m so upset at myself. I’m sure that she is very excited and happy now that I’m not with her. She has been with other men since three years ago and now she has a friend who she talks to.
I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t even talk to another women. I don’t like it. I wish that her and I could work things out I would rather be with her than any other women. But she has told me that she would never be with me again. She has a restraining order on me, and she is talking to someone else.
Why can’t I just let her go in my heart? It’s like a lot of pain this rejection that I am feeling. I feel hopeless. I’m trying to find peace in God’s word and I am, but this feeling of emptiness won’t leave me. I want to fight for her, but something is just telling me to forget about it its over she’s not coming back, and we will never be with each other and often times I feel like a coward because I left her and my family.
I often wonder about my life and if it means anything. It seems like the most important things I have lost because of poor decisions like my family and my credit. So now I’m complaining but I want all of my family, but I can’t make her love me and I understand I’m just trying to get rid of this hurt.
So, I give it to Jesus. I cursed at her and threatened her life because she told me that I couldn’t see my children, so she put an order on me. I feel like I was set up anyways. I probably was because when I was away from her, I had relations with another woman while she was pregnant. And I am like I was even a Christian then.
So, I’m always asking myself what is wrong with me why did I do such horrible things to her. I think I am crazy often times, but I profess to be a Christian. I even witness to people. Now you can see why I often tell myself that I hate myself. I have lost so much my family and my children mother who if I was courageous enough, I should have married her.
But I didn’t and she had two children for me. So now I feel so hopeless like I don’t deserve any good thing anymore. That is why I don’t date women. I don’t have a car and I can’t find a woman who is attractive to me on the outside.
Plus, I have two children and I want their mother because I want to be a father. I want to raise my children. But it seems like I can never make enough money to support my children or myself. And I pay tithes and give offerings and I go to church; it just seems like there is no end to my sufferings. The list goes on and on.
But I hear God saying that all things work together for the good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose. I may never have another chance with my children’s mother. She has already told me that she doesn’t want me.
I just have to believe that God has someone special for me he said he’d give me the desire of my heart. Not someone that just because she is a Christian that she is my wife, but someone that I love, and that God loves. I don’t want to give up hope with my children’s mother, but all the signs are saying its over let go and I have let go but these feelings still remain and I’m trying to let go and move on without any bitterness or feeling like a failure because I didn’t try to get her back.
I’m still praising God in Jesus name no matter how the pain feels, please pray for me and give me encouragement or whatever I need to hear to heal my heart. I have apologized to her and will do it over and over again until she is satisfied if that is what it would take to heal her. Please help me thanks.
After reading about your struggle with accepting the situation of living apart from the mother of your children and your children, I wanted to remind you that Jesus was not sent to the world to condemn it, He was sent to save the world. John 3:17. The Holy Spirit convicted you of your wrong behavior and you repented and made right. You must forgive your self and your friend but that will not made her come back to you. Satan keeps us thinking we are awful people. When we ask for forgiveness, Jesus will remember our sins no more. Jer 31:34 It takes more effort to remember than to forget so just think how much effort Jesus is using to put this situation behind you. Satan wants to keep it infront of you. Tell Satan to get behind you and you will become free from this bondage he has you in.
Trust in Christ.
Brother,I Know that all seems like an up hill battle now .but the bible says that “those who wait upon the lord shall renue their straighth they shall mount up with wings the shall run and not faint….” Dont let go of Gods hands as temting as it may seem to take matters into your own hands,learn to trust on the Lord.for with out faith it is imposible to please GOD. YOU must have faith that God is in control of you your kids their mother.and i am going to tell you that for God nothing is imposible,and i will tell you that he can put you and your kids mother back to gather but you must let him first work on you . he may just have some one and somethig totaly diffrent for you .But right know what is important is your soul and their is a battle taking place right now for your heart/soul.
look in Isaiah 29:13″ It says that this people praise me with there mouth but their heart is far from me.”…
( READ IT)look i know you say that you were a christian and you treated her so bad and cheated well yes you were a christian but only from your mouth a child of God does not say and do the things you did but only the children of satan do what you did .But you should be so thank full for the grace of God for I KNOW YOU HAVE repented and is by his mercy that you are now for the first time in your life truely awakening to the true meaning of been called a child of GOD.But you see know you must fight, fight the one who had you in captivity the one who desived you into thinking you were ok when you were not the one who made you say do evil things to the ones you love. and the only way to fight him is in your knees,PRAY PRAY PRAY AND REBUKE HIM IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST tell him to get his hands of you and of your children and of there mother.and above all dont let him in your heart geard your heart when he tells you you are garbage tell him that you have meen bought with the blood of the lamb when he tell you that you will never be with your kids mom or any one tell him that GODS LOVE is more than sufficient .the bible says that if we resist the devil he must flee. in the name of JESUS CHRIST right now as you read this i rebuke you satan out of my brothers mind and i command you to get away from him.
my dear brother God has something very spacial for you he has aloud you to go as far as you whanted to go but know he has called you home and its for a purpose .the reason why iam so bold to speak to you like this is because you life sounds almost identical to mine and i was raised in church but i was a cild of my anemy asyou were but now God has raised me truely from the DEAD as he has you and belive me the remorce the guilt the pain you are goin through i too have felt but our GOD has takes it all a way and the same he will do for you .all i can tell you is give him full control of your heart begin to TRULY love him . and he will direct your path.
its his promise to us God bless you.
brother…be encouraged..continue to trust in God. I pray that the mother of your children accepts u back..but even if she doesnt continue to work on yourself and your character so u can be a good father to your kids, a good husband and good child of God.
Thank you Jesus for friends. Thank you everyone who posted. I too pray for all of you. I am into giving back. I thank you for taking the time to converse with me and pray for me. I thank God for allowing all words to stick into my heart. I promise God that I will serve him with my whole heart and do his will in Jesus name. God bless you all. JW
Keep pressing foward! You have repented and God has forgiven you. Believe that! Pray through Scripture. There are so many promises in God’s Word. Allow God to mold you. He has already begun. What you are feeling is remorse, but don’t allow satan to get a hold of your guilt. Rebuke it in the name of Jesus Christ! Receive God’s forgiveness, mercy, love and grace. Don’t force yourself on your wife. Give her time to heal. Yes, you say she has a friend. Allow her time to heal; that doesn’t mean that she’s being intimate with anyone. You deceived your wife; it’s going to be difficult for her to trust you again. Give her time and in the meantime pray for God to heal all of you. Allow Him to mold you into His liking. Ask Him for peace; He will grant it. Keep going to church, get involved in a Bible study group, and surround yourself with other godly men. Don’t be discouraged. All you have is time. God can do the impossible. Let Him work in your life and your wife’s life. Don’t try to control it. It sounds like you still are. I know it’s hard, but let go and let God. May your focus not be in winning your wife back, but may your focus be on God and getting to know Him. Just talk to Him. He wants to know You. Tell Him to match your desires with His. Eventually, you will not focus on what you want, but what God wants. Brother, God hears you and your pain. He also hears your wife’s pain. Give God time to heal you. Remember that after a disaster fire, trees bloom. Reforestation occurs. That is also true with your relationship with your wife. There was disaster, but there can be reblooming. Just believe and trust God. Pray!!!
I am sorry to hear of your bad news but in the midst of it I must tell you that you are just the kind of Jesus is looking for. Hold on. Don’t give up on life. Hold on. Hold on!!!!! God will not leave you to suffer forever. Hold on. Good things will happen for you. He promised. Hold on
You are forgiven, it doesn’t count any more. The union of two people to create a child is a very strong bond, separating from that bond is a very painful thing, even in troubled relationships, and leaves open wounds, (I know this from personal experience). These wounds take time to heal, but God is helping them to heal. You will be tender for quite a while, possibly years (as with me). But God does have someone special set asside for you, though now is not the right time to meet her because you are still too tender from your wounds. When God decides you are healed enough and ready he will introduce you to that special person, though it feels like an eternity sometimes (or at least it does to me). In the mean time just continue asking God to help you through, (it’s OK to get angry with God sometimes, he understands) and remember, God is helping with the healing process.
Funny how we only want what we want when we have lost it..