I am a Christian, 21, and was baptized about 4 years ago. I am going to share my story of anxiety because this website has really made me realize that I am not the only one being targeted by the enemy with the same problem. My boyfriend of 4 and a half years introduced me to Christ and I fell in love. Since then, I would attend church service on Sundays and youth group on Fridays regularly but would not actively participate. My boyfriend is the youth pastor while his dad is the pastor. After starting college, I placed my education before God without even realizing it. I would even go a couple of days without even praying or opening my Bible.
Approximately 3 weeks ago, I was in a restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. At the table, my boyfriend’s dad and his friend began to talk about death. My boyfriend’s mom passed away a little over a year ago and in the conversation, they were recounting what had happened towards the end of her earthly life. My mind began to wander. The enemy hit me with a thought “I wonder what that person felt right before they died…” The thought that caused my very first panic attack quickly followed .. “What if I think these thoughts for the rest of my life?”
At that split moment I knew that I had opened a door that should have been shut! A heat wave went up my body and my heart raced rapidly. I ran to the bathroom and prayed hard. When I got back to the table, I told my boyfriend that I felt like I was being attacked. He took me outside and tried to comfort me. When we got back to the house, we told my boyfriend’s dad and he prayed over me. (Afterward, I had revealed to him that when I was about 12, I had the same account except it involved thoughts about whether or not I was gay after watching a show on MTV. I KNEW I was not, but thinking it bothered me SO much because I was SO disgusted. The devil is intelligent. He knows our weaknesses and strengths.) I told him that my mom, brother, and sister had previously suffered from anxiety and intrusive thoughts and have had to take medication and see phycologists. It was a generational curse! The enemy was trying to attack me using the same method!
The following week and a half consisted of frequent panic attacks throughout the day especially in class when I felt the need to concentrate the most. There were times when I had to run out of class because of the severity of the attack. I would also let my mind wander even further. There was a time when the enemy placed into my mind “What is the worst thing I could possibly do?… kill myself.” The enemy hits us with darts that will bother us the most! When the thought crept into my mind, it spiraled out of control. I managed to pull through 2 more days when the enemy hit me with another dart…” What if none of this is real? What if life is absolutely meaningless?” I quickly called my mom and told her because I was terrified I would have to go to a mental hospital! She took me to the ER and I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder.
The following day my mother took me to the phyciatrist because I had lost 7 pounds due to loss of hunger and a feeling of a knot in my stomach. I would get about 2 hours of sleep a night per night. I felt like the enemy was dragging me into a black hole. The phyciatrist prescribed Zoloft, an antidepressant and an anxiety/insomnia pill. I also had to take melatonin to fix my sleeping cycle.
Often I would look up Zoloft reviews to see how soon the medicine would be effective. I did this for about 2 days until one day I woke up and realized something very important. The enemy was trying to make me forget my identity, that I am a strong woman of Christ. I quickly got out of bed and prayed out loud, through tears I asked the Lord for forgiveness. I was looking for a solution in the medication instead of a solution in Jesus Christ! I asked God for increase in faith and strength to only trust in Him. Although I trust in the Lord, my family trusted in the medication. I am the only Christian in my family so I KNEW the enemy would make it hard for me.
For another week I experienced great anxiety. I would feel a cloud of doom surface over me and I would feel so helpless. A part of me, the holy spirit, urged me to open the bible and just read! Instead I would call people for advice.
About 4 days ago, I withdrew from all of my classes because of lack of concentration. I felt God pulling me towards Him. He wanted 100% of my attention. The following day, I felt the need to go to my cousin’s house. They advised me to go to their church that night. God revealed many things to me. The only I was I was going to overcome this was through the Word of God and having total faith in Him.
I have been improving greatly. At times, the anxiety hits me like a wave. When this happens, I usually repeat, “God did not give us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind”. Whatever thought comes into your mind that is not pure, wonderful, or godly is NOT from God or from YOU. It is from the enemy! The enemy is the principle of the world and all this is bad. He only wants complete destruction and death.
God is love. He wants us to have life and have it abundantly! He has plans for each of us and sometimes Satan tries to keep us from receiving all of the wonderful things God wants to give you.
Sometimes Satan tries to attack my faith, saying, “You don’t have enough of it”. However, it is a lie! He is the father of all lies. Keep your eyes fixed on Him. Focus on bible verses pertaining to oppression, fear, anxiety, and peace. The bible says to seek first the kingdom of God and then He will fill you with a peace that is not comparable to any other peace.
When your faith begins to waver, take a walk outside. Look at the sky, the clouds, the beautiful flowers, the earth made so perfectly, the birds that are all provided for, etc. God has made everything so perfectly! Examine yourself. The insides of our bodies function harmoniously. Only God could have created everything so beautifully and perfectly. The bible says that God created us in HIS image. We are like Christ and have all the potential. You are his masterpiece and he is proud of you.
Read the Bible, meditate on the word, and seek a greater relationship with your Heavenly Father. When depression and anxiety seem to be drowning you, think of God and his eternal love. That eternal love is never-ending. That love is everywhere! Jesus is the only way, the truth and the light. The truth shall set you free! God allows Satan to tempt us so that we may grow in faith and be the tools God needs us to be. He is the potter and we are the clay. God will build us, destroy us, and build us again until we are molded the way he wants us to be. Our trials are only temporary and help us grow in faith.
I am sorry for the long post and I hope that I am able to help others suffering from anxiety as well.
You all will be in my prayers! Let us keep our minds steadfast on Him!