Hello,
I am a Christian, 21, and was baptized about 4 years ago. I am going to share my story of anxiety because this website has really made me realize that I am not the only one being targeted by the enemy with the same problem. My boyfriend of 4 and a half years introduced me to Christ and I fell in love. Since then, I would attend church service on Sundays and youth group on Fridays regularly but would not actively participate. My boyfriend is the youth pastor while his dad is the pastor. After starting college, I placed my education before God without even realizing it. I would even go a couple of days without even praying or opening my Bible.
Approximately 3 weeks ago, I was in a restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. At the table, my boyfriend’s dad and his friend began to talk about death. My boyfriend’s mom passed away a little over a year ago and in the conversation, they were recounting what had happened towards the end of her earthly life. My mind began to wander. The enemy hit me with a thought “I wonder what that person felt right before they died…” The thought that caused my very first panic attack quickly followed .. “What if I think these thoughts for the rest of my life?”
At that split moment I knew that I had opened a door that should have been shut! A heat wave went up my body and my heart raced rapidly. I ran to the bathroom and prayed hard. When I got back to the table, I told my boyfriend that I felt like I was being attacked.
He took me outside and tried to comfort me. When we got back to the house, we told my boyfriend’s dad and he prayed over me. (Afterward, I had revealed to him that when I was about 12, I had the same account except it involved thoughts about whether or not I was gay after watching a show on MTV. I KNEW I was not, but thinking it bothered me SO much because I was SO disgusted. The devil is intelligent. He knows our weaknesses and strengths.) I told him that my mom, brother, and sister had previously suffered from anxiety and intrusive thoughts and have had to take medication and see phycologists. It was a generational curse! The enemy was trying to attack me using the same method!
The following week and a half consisted of frequent panic attacks throughout the day especially in class when I felt the need to concentrate the most. There were times when I had to run out of class because of the severity of the attack. I would also let my mind wander even further. There was a time when the enemy placed into my mind “What is the worst thing I could possibly do?… kill myself.” The enemy hits us with darts that will bother us the most! When the thought crept into my mind, it spiraled out of control.
I managed to pull through 2 more days when the enemy hit me with another dart…” What if none of this is real? What if life is absolutely meaningless?” I quickly called my mom and told her because I was terrified I would have to go to a mental hospital! She took me to the ER and I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder.
The following day my mother took me to the phyciatrist because I had lost 7 pounds due to loss of hunger and a feeling of a knot in my stomach. I would get about 2 hours of sleep a night per night. I felt like the enemy was dragging me into a black hole. The psychiatrist prescribed Zoloft, an antidepressant and an anxiety/insomnia pill. I also had to take melatonin to fix my sleeping cycle.
Often, I would look up Zoloft reviews to see how soon the medicine would be effective. I did this for about 2 days until one day I woke up and realized something very important. The enemy was trying to make me forget my identity, that I am a strong woman of Christ. I quickly got out of bed and prayed out loud, through tears I asked the Lord for forgiveness. I was looking for a solution in the medication instead of a solution in Jesus Christ! I asked God for increase in faith and strength to only trust in Him. Although I trust in the Lord, my family trusted in the medication. I am the only Christian in my family so I KNEW the enemy would make it hard for me.
For another week I experienced great anxiety. I would feel a cloud of doom surface over me, and I would feel so helpless. A part of me, the holy spirit, urged me to open the bible and just read! Instead, I would call people for advice.
About 4 days ago, I withdrew from all of my classes because of lack of concentration. I felt God pulling me towards Him. He wanted 100% of my attention. The following day, I felt the need to go to my cousin’s house. They advised me to go to their church that night. God revealed many things to me. The only I was I was going to overcome this was through the Word of God and having total faith in Him.
I have been improving greatly. At times, the anxiety hits me like a wave. When this happens, I usually repeat, “God did not give us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind”. Whatever thought comes into your mind that is not pure, wonderful, or godly is NOT from God or from YOU. It is from the enemy! The enemy is the principle of the world, and all this is bad. He only wants complete destruction and death.
God is love. He wants us to have life and have it abundantly! He has plans for each of us and sometimes Satan tries to keep us from receiving all of the wonderful things God wants to give you.
Sometimes Satan tries to attack my faith, saying, “You don’t have enough of it”. However, it is a lie! He is the father of all lies. Keep your eyes fixed on Him. Focus on bible verses pertaining to oppression, fear, anxiety, and peace. The bible says to seek first the kingdom of God and then He will fill you with a peace that is not comparable to any other peace.
When your faith begins to waver, take a walk outside. Look at the sky, the clouds, the beautiful flowers, the earth made so perfectly, the birds that are all provided for, etc. God has made everything so perfectly! Examine yourself. The insides of our bodies function harmoniously. Only God could have created everything so beautifully and perfectly. The bible says that God created us in HIS image. We are like Christ and have all the potential. You are his masterpiece and he is proud of you.
Read the Bible, meditate on the word, and seek a greater relationship with your Heavenly Father. When depression and anxiety seem to be drowning you, think of God and his eternal love. That eternal love is never-ending. That love is everywhere! Jesus is the only way, the truth and the light. The truth shall set you free!
God allows Satan to tempt us so that we may grow in faith and be the tools God needs us to be. He is the potter and we are the clay. God will build us, destroy us, and build us again until we are molded the way he wants us to be. Our trials are only temporary and help us grow in faith.
I am sorry for the long post, and I hope that I am able to help others suffering from anxiety as well.
You all will be in my prayers! Let us keep our minds steadfast on Him!
i am suffering from anxiety since i worked here in KSA. I wanted to be healed by God but right now i am still waiting for His work on me. I am nearly losing hope and so weak to face this fear. I pray that one day this too shall pass.
Ian, God loves you and will never abandon you. I am also suffering from anxiety and I believe that recovery lies in believing that God would never abandon me. I have no doubt in my mind that God will take this away from me, I refuse to be like this for the rest of my life. Don’t lose faith or hope because your recovery depends on your belief in God 100%. Start filling your mind with the word of God and when you feel the anxiety monster attacking just repeat this over and over again, “God loves me and would never leave me”.
I hope that and pray that you don’t lose hope and wait patiently while praying and surely God (who does not lie) will reveal himself to you for there lies your salvation.
Thank you for this post. It encourages me. I deal w/ anxiety and intrusive thoughts too. The enemy is such a liar and a bully. Yet God is our fortress and protector…so glad for that! Thank you for the reminder to pray daily…it’s the last thing the enemy wants us to do! I will pray for you, glad to hear your anxiety is improving. God bless you!
I hate to see how the devil tries to bring down others, but it’s also encouraging to see how we are never alone in our battles. Nothing we face comes as a surprise to God. I just recently overcame a month long hard (maybe even longer than that) battle with anxiety. Like you, I opened a door in my thoughts that should have been immediately shut. Unfortunately, I played into the thoughts and began questioning them daily, causing a very high level worry and anxiety to hang over me everywhere I went. It began to consume me so much that it began to make me physically sick. I didn’t want to get out of bed anymore or even wake up most days. The point of this comment though it not to tell of how the devil tried to bring me down, but rather to encourage those of you who are still battling this with a testimony of God’s goodness and how He and He alone brought me out. I’ll be honest, freedom was not easily achieved. It’s literally a battle for your mind. It is a spiritual and mental fight and one that you must wholeheartedly commit to. You must dedicate yourself to reading the truth, God’s Word and not just reading it but internalizing and BELIEVING it no matter how hard the devil tries to whisper the lies. You must P.U.S.H… Pray Until Something Happens.. not matter how long it may take. Believe in His promises. We serve a faithful God. While His timing is not our timing, He is still faithful and true to His promises. There are multiple scriptures that promise our freedom, our peace, our joy IF we will commit our ways to Him daily. We must do our part and stay faithful to. Only then we will see the victory. Be encouraged. He WILL see you through. Just believe, trust, and have faith no matter what. God bless.
Thank you for this post. I am also battling anxiety and your experience really did help me understand that I am not in this battle alone. I am just starting a journey to battling anxiety by reading scriptures and commanding the devil that all this fears are lies. The gospel of II Timothy 1:7 is really help to me. Every now and than when I feel a slight pinch of the attack, I command the devil to bow to the name of Jesus and leave with its lies and I recite the scripture, telling GOD he promised me a spirit of sound mind and a sound mind shall I have. I see the journey in God to fight the battle is very helpful to me and I encourage others to let GOD take control. Continue to meditate in God’s word and pray more. We can command the devil to bow to Jesus Name. Thank you.