Nothing Less than Hell

My name is martina, an indian and brought up in a normal indian christian family.I am the third and the last child of my parents. Ever since i knew about the world it was my grandmother whome i was close with, more than my mom or dad, and yet i cant live without my mom.I have an elder sister and then a brother who are real good people, fun to be with and we did share a happy childhood…or did we?Well let me tell you, i was good at studies than my sister and brother and my parents appreciated me for that and so did my grandmom(who lived with us)and so i grew proud.I spent all my time with my grandmom while my bro and sis had their own time.My grandmom passed away when i was just 10, and there began hell. I became an introvert and started doing really bad at studies and my parents grew really worried.Nobody knew about me and i was not gonna let them know about me.I concealed many things to them and this continued until i was 19( a long time i know)Meanwhile i did go to church but never prayed with real love for god, i prayed because i wanted to survive.Despite the fact that my family was always crowded i felt lonely so lonely that i hated the all of them because my family never spoke about me(they never knew me to speak about me)It was either my sister or my brother who was the center of attraction and i was a mere spectater.By the time i was in my 8th grade my brother and sister were in college, and to make matters worse in the same college, and they had a great time while i was left alone(not deliberately)I was a good girl outside but inside a fuming volcano and you can imagine how dangerous that can be.I hated my self because my life was aimless, i had no hope of any future. By that time my sister completed her college and was working and it was time for her to get married.After her marriage when all of us returned home i really wondered if i should get married like her. The very thought of it made me shudder.I was and am very passionate about a dream of mine that was initially very small but started growing in me. I decided that i would not get married but indeed work with dedication towards my dream and i started writing down my thoughts addressed to god in a diary that i still posses, i started writing everyday, day after day, and i entered college, when all my siblings are working, still no answer or change in my life.Then finally one day i heard in a sermon that one should love god unconditionally, with all heart and mind.I tried and hey i’ve achieved nothing special in my life but i am happy, i could feel god telling me every time i break that it is okay, that things are gonna turn out alright and i tell my family to believe in god and to keep trusting him and now ive changed…for the better.