Hey, I have become a Christian a year and a half ago and it has been a bumpy, fun and amazing journey. When I first became a Christian I found the transition difficult but very worth while. My family and friends are not Christian they do not understand it and question me why I go to church, I found and still do find this challenging.
However I am attending church and volunteer with a Christian Organisation which I love the people are great and I have met really great friends there. At first when praying I could feel The Lords presence around me as I prayed it was amazing.
I did feel it hard breaking away from non believers and felt I was always being tempted from my past ways. Going out drinking, taking drugs but now I have been saved this has all stopped due to the Lord’s unfailing love for me. I know he loves me and he does continually guide me through good and bad times.
Although a year ago, I was tempted and gave into temptation and slept with a man and had unprotected sex. I feel filled with guilt, shame, and I live with the constant reminder of what I have done. I pray for forgiveness but I just do not feel fully forgiven.
Now I fear I may have put myself at risk of HIV due to the unprotected sex I had. I am utterly terrified, of getting checked. I have told no one, and fear of being judged. I feel I’ve let myself and God down. I just want to be ok, forgiven and loved. I mean I know the Lord is working on my case, he has given me great opportunities since I have been saved although I fear he will not heal me as I was a Christian when I gave into temptation. I’ am filled with worry, despair and need advice from great strong Christians.
I just long for reassurance, and do not want to face being checked in case the Lord does not heal me. I would feel so ashamed to be tested and fear the ultimate worse everyday. Although I feel I must be checked just to give my body rest as I feel I am getting anxiety through all the worry.