So I’m just going to go straight to it! I did my undergraduation away from home and joined a local Church in this new place. There was an older member in the youth fellowship who I was quite pally with. I wasn’t particularly close to anyone at Church but everyone was a friend to me. Basically, I take a while to open up and can be quite reserved sometimes which is sometimes a result of my own insecurities.
Anyways, this guy in my fellowship (8 yrs older than me) initiated messaging me and calling me up once in a while. I used to initially think that maybe he was just trying to get me more involved in the fellowship etc…but then I realised it was a little more than that but I was never really sure. He implied things indirectly but never just straight upfront. So, I was never really sure. And also the messaging and calling was intermittent. As in, there would be silence for a while and then a random spurt of messages to try and stay in touch. Anyways, it can be a really heading feeling for a girl to know that someone older is interested in you! especially if He’s a Christian too and we were both very musically inclined.
Anyways, nothing really happened for about 2 and a half years!! just a few very memorable conversations and some special moments…and let me tell u that even at this point i wasn’t like a 100% sure whether he was into me. Anyways, I think I started praying to God to take away my feelings for him if they weren’t meant to be. I know there were times when I might have been low and a small message from him could light up my world! but at the same time whilst at Church I couldnt really truly worship God when he was around cos I was a little too conscious of his presence, the whole heart racing thing and all!! so, I didnt really know whether he was a distraction or whether he was part of God’s plan. I still continued to pray about it. We did go out once and it was really nice 🙂 but even then he didn’t explicitly tell me anything just implied stuff.
As I was about to return home after my graduation I asked him about his feelings upfront. Well not upfront per se but on my mobile! he said he did like me but didnt want to play around. He wanted things to grow and just see how things worked out. I guess he was a bit confused too. Let me tell you, this was the first time I was a 100% sure that he was into me, until ten it was just really really strong guesses!
I headed back home hoping to stay in touch, still praying about this. Long and short, no concrete steps were made with regards to us and I really prayed to God to close the door, because thoughts about him were taking up too much space in my head. So, basically there was still intermittent messaging and calling but nothing solid. But there was real connection when we did talk.
Anyways, I didn’t really know what to do, I was slowly getting upset that nothing more was happening. I didnt know whether he was playing around, whether he was not ready, whether it was not God’s time or whether it was not part of God’s plan at all. I travelled abroad to do my PG and called him before I left. I thought that would give me some closure and I felt like I needed to move on but there were still very strong feelings.
He got in touch with me via email. That says something doesn’t it? At least I felt it did, I felt it would go somewhere. But, right now I find myself pining for him too much and it’s affecting me, but at the same time he seems like the ideal guy and I’m like maybe God brought this to pass. I’m quite confused. A part of me tells me, I should just stop contact with him altogether cos at the moment it’s not leading to anything solid but at the same time, there are these very strong feelings and this guy feels like home for me somewhere at the end of the day. Basically, I cannot tell what is right and wrong. I dont really need relationship advice but am in desperate need for some Christian counsel.