Sad Girl

New Life In The Death of Me: My Salvation

I grew up in a Christian family, my Dad often went away or yelled at us children, but I actually didn’t know anything else. In School the kids were bullying me, I was often all alone. When I was 10 years old we moved and it came even worse. I had that dream my father would leave us so I asked him to promise me he’ll stay. He gave me his word but still he left.

At the same time my beloved grand-father died, my brother started doing drugs, my only and best friend committed suicide and I got depressed, at that point of life I was around 13/14 years old. I started to smoke, drink and hurt myself, I said to God if he would love me he would help me but I never realized that I didn’t let him come closer to my heart.

One year later, at 15 years, I was very depressed and suicidal, I couldn’t handle the pain and so I started doing drugs to be able to smile. At the same time I met a preacher named Demetri, he’s totally crazy and had a lot he went through so I often talked to him, but I never really listened.

It was 2 years that I wouldn’t stop it, I even sold my body so I can buy new drugs. Then I finally was completely broken. I came into a psychiatric ward because I wanted to kill myself and I shouted out to God that I don’t believe him that he loves me, I lost so many “friends” I really loved in my two years drug addiction, I had a broken family, unending pain and I hated myself. Unfortunately there was a satanistic girl in this hospital and we had far too much time in there so she asked me to play with her “Ask the glass” (Ouija). I agreed, said to God now you see what you have when you leave me.

After 5 months I came out of the hospital, not really Christian anymore but still wanted to get a better life. I went out and the first thing I did; smoking Weed and drinking Rum until I  just fell asleep, the next morning I couldn’t even remember what happened. But it was spring so soon there would be the Easter camp, from the preacher named Demetri, I visited every year since I met him. That was spring 2016.

I went there and one evening I decided to give him my drugs and blades, I told him that I don’t need them anymore and I didn’t until today. I decided to go my way new with Christ and trust me I can’t remember crying so much at any other point of my life. Demetri wanted to talk to me face to face (he did Drugs too and a lot of crap!) and he just looked into my eyes and said:

“You know, I am the last one giving up on anyone, but I really didn’t believe anymore that you would get it.”

And you know, there was no one out there still believing in me, only God but God is enough. I am happy now, even when the doctors said I won’t be just because I was very depressed. I found new life in the death of me and I am soo thankful that God saved my life. I didn’t believe in God anymore, but he still believed in me and now he’s using me to help other hurt people. <3