I grew up in a Christian family, my Dad often went away or yelled at us children, but I actually didn’t know anything else. In School the kids were bullying me, I was often all alone. When I was 10 years old we moved, and it came even worse. I had that dream my father would leave us so I asked him to promise me he’ll stay. He gave me his word but still he left.
At the same time my beloved grandfather died, my brother started doing drugs, my only and best friend committed suicide and I got depressed, at that point of life I was around 13/14 years old. I started to smoke, drink and hurt myself, I said to God if he would love me, he would help me but I never realized that I didn’t let him come closer to my heart.
One year later, at 15 years, I was very depressed and suicidal, I couldn’t handle the pain and so I started doing drugs to be able to smile. At the same time, I met a preacher named Demetri, he’s totally crazy and had a lot he went through, so I often talked to him, but I never really listened.
It was 2 years that I wouldn’t stop it, I even sold my body so I can buy new drugs. Then I finally was completely broken. I came into a psychiatric ward because I wanted to kill myself and I shouted out to God that I don’t believe him that he loves me, I lost so many “friends” I really loved in my two years drug addiction, I had a broken family, unending pain and I hated myself. Unfortunately, there was a satanistic girl in this hospital and we had far too much time in there, so she asked me to play with her “Ask the glass” (Ouija). I agreed, said to God now you see what you have when you leave me.
After 5 months I came out of the hospital, not really Christian anymore but still wanted to get a better life. I went out and the first thing I did; smoking Weed and drinking Rum until I just fell asleep, the next morning I couldn’t even remember what happened. But it was spring so soon there would be the Easter camp, from the preacher named Demetri, I visited every year since I met him. That was spring 2016.
I went there and one evening I decided to give him my drugs and blades, I told him that I don’t need them anymore and I didn’t until today. I decided to go my way new with Christ and trust me I can’t remember crying so much at any other point of my life. Demetri wanted to talk to me face to face (he did Drugs too and a lot of crap!) and he just looked into my eyes and said:
“You know, I am the last one giving up on anyone, but I really didn’t believe anymore that you would get it.”
And you know, there was no one out there still believing in me, only God but God is enough. I am happy now, even when the doctors said I won’t be just because I was very depressed. I found new life in the death of me, and I am soo thankful that God saved my life. I didn’t believe in God anymore, but he still believed in me and now he’s using me to help other hurt people. <3