The Words of Jesus Shattered My Occultic Deception

From a young age, I was a mass of contradictions. I played rugby and excelled at athletics, yet didn’t really enjoy sports. I had plenty of friends, but preferred solitude and never quite fitted in. I had above-average intelligence, but my decisions were often remarkably foolish. I was a natural joker, but I was also very serious and possessed a deep interest in religion and spirituality. This combination of a contradictory nature, a deep spiritual inclination and innately poor judgment led me down a very dark path.

The concept of spiritual warfare resonated with me early on, though I knew nothing of the biblical context behind that idea. I often felt like my soul was a battleground between good and evil. In my teens, I cycled through periods of pledging allegiance to God and then to the devil. This polarity stemmed partly from the allure of Satan as depicted in media, but also from a desire to be good, which made rejecting God terrifying. The strong pull towards spiritual darkness is hard to explain, but given my conflicted nature, this oscillation between extremes makes some sense, though the metaphysical scale of it remains puzzling. Sometimes, I’ve wondered if a demonic presence attached itself to me early in life.

With Satan frequently on my mind, I developed macabre tastes and a fascination with symbols. I recall being captivated by a book on symbolism in Sunday School, particularly by swastikas and sun-wheels. I was obsessed with these images, drawing them repeatedly. This fascination marked the beginning of a long journey through symbolism, leading to an interest in Jungian psychology in my late teens, and then to dangerous practices like runes, creating sigils, and astrology.

Another occult gateway opened around age thirteen with my first experience of magic. A family member taught me a folk cure for warts on my hand. Within a week of performing the ritual, they vanished. While I questioned if it was psychosomatic, the fact remained: a magical ritual seemingly cured me, profoundly impacting my spiritual trajectory.

About a year later, a series of events occurred that resembled a demonic infestation. My bed would shake right after I got in at night. Though not as dramatic as in films like the Exorcist, it was a real, recurring phenomenon I was fully conscious of, and despite extensive research, I’ve never found a credible rational explanation for it. It wasn’t due to illness, sleep disorders, environmental factors, the bed itself, or any known neurological issues.

Initially frightening, the shaking became tolerable, occurring several nights a week, often with rhythmic tapping on the radiator pipes accompanying it. Strangely, both of these physical manifestations would stop when I told them to, only to resume shortly after until I fell asleep. Sometimes, I’d wake to find it happening again. Remaining awake didn’t stop it, but verbally commanding it to cease did. My parents responded with stunned silence when I told them.

This lasted about six months, eventually becoming less frequent and then stopping entirely. Had this been my only unusual experience, I’d likely dismiss it. However, in light of later events, attributing the shaking bed to a spiritual cause seems less improbable.

If my childhood soul was an even battleground, my mid to late teens saw me increasingly yielding to Satan. My interest in magic and the occult grew, though I didn’t connect it to the bed-shaking or the wart cure at the time. Around then, as a bullying victim, I cursed two tormentors, and tragically, those curses seemed to work. I can’t be completely certain my curses were the cause, but fatally unfortunate events befell them within months and years, respectively. Regardless of my direct responsibility, I feel sadness and regret for choosing curses over and forgiveness.

By early adulthood, Satan’s hold was evident. I was deep into Death and Black Metal, owned occult and black magic books, wore an inverted crucifix, and was interested in Jung and pagan mythology. Gaining internet access in the mid-90s, I quickly found websites for the Church of Satan and the Temple of Set. My motivation, I believe, stemmed from being a Black Metal fan during the Norwegian church burnings and murders. While never wanting to commit such acts, I identified with the genre’s dark aesthetic, rebellion, and rejection of conformity, finding a sense of belonging as a misfit. However, I wouldn’t join such a group until about five years after university. Despite peaking in my late teens, my occult interest waned in my early twenties.

But after those years, with my own home and more free time, my occult and magical interests returned strongly. I immersed myself in online resources, reading pirated PDFs, debating in forums, and dabbling in clumsy rituals. Eventually, I joined the Temple of Set, whose theistic approach appealed more than the Church of Satan’s atheism. The people I encountered seemed, like me, lonely, lost, ineffectual, and seeking control. The organization’s core deceit—the promise of becoming gods—appealed to those feeling powerless and undervalued.

At that time, I didn’t understand this. My three-year membership in the Temple of Set laid occult foundations that would dominate my life for nearly two decades. After leaving, I spent a couple more years in the Rune Gild, focusing on Nordic Paganism blended with postmodern occultism. There, I also developed an interest in Radical Traditionalism. Increasingly serious about this, I grew suspicious of the postmodern aspects of occultism, wanting something ancient and genuine.

Briefly, I saw the Roman Catholic Church as the best example of Western Tradition due to its history and structure. In worldly terms, this was partly true, but post-conversion, I recognize its departures from the Gospel as problematic. Unaware then, I grew weary of the guilt/confession cycle and shifted my interest to Gnostic heresies.

During this time, my magical interests faded again, but after exploring Jung some more, I focused on ‘alchemical’ or ‘tantric’ methods of manipulating the psyche through physical ordeals, inspired by the Order of Nine Angles (ONA). This could have been a much darker period, but by God’s grace, I was diverted from further involvement with that group. Despite its demonic pull, I wasn’t corrupted enough to align with the ONA or its extreme political ideologies. I was more interested in spiritual elitism than fascism, in pushing my personal limits not trying to cause the collapse of civilization. After briefly examining their ‘alchemical’ philosophy, I moved on.

Pulling back from this perverse spirituality, I turned to Thelema and joined the Ordo Templi Orientis (OTO). While less overtly evil than the ONA, it was spiritually satanic, a veiled diabolism attracting misfits seeking meaning in life. My seven years there were intense. I advanced through degrees and helped initiate new members, becoming proficient in astrology, tarot, qabalah, and various forms of divination, meditation, and ceremonial magic. Ceremonial magic, involving rituals to contact demonic entities, consumed most of my time and energy, eventually leading to expertise in its theoretical and practical requirements.

My magical knowledge culminated in a guidebook on demonic spirits from medieval and Renaissance grimoires, published under a pseudonym. While writing, I felt like the spirits themselves were guiding the process. The book listed dozens of demons with new information about their names, characters, and how to contact them. Ideas and inspirations seemed to come from outside my own mind. Simultaneously, I performed magic to ensure its publication by a major publisher and its success, which it achieved. That success now brings guilt, as my past actions continue to instruct others in practices I now see as most definitely leading to hell.

Without detailing them, the hundreds of rituals I participated in led to many seemingly unbelievable experiences, sometimes witnessed by others who had their own strange stories. These experiences confirmed the reality of dark powers, often frightening enough to leave lasting trauma.

Alongside these activities came predictable behaviors. My initial interest in magic stemmed from powerlessness due to childhood bullying, so much of my motivation was to gain influence, knowledge, and respect. To some extent, it worked, providing enough success and self-esteem boosts to distract from my insecurity. At my peak involvement in the OTO, my entire life revolved around it. Not believing in sin, my moral and spiritual discernment was poor. Two relationships failed due to my egotistical pursuit of pleasure and self-satisfaction.

More significant than earthly desires was the feeling of being a priest of my own religion. My spiritual drive has always been strong, my main goal being the pursuit of divine knowledge. But my understanding was perverted, as I sought it on my own terms, not God’s. This, I believe, is a major danger of the occult, New Age, cults, and false religions: they twist our innate yearning for God into something unrecognizable, used for selfish ends. My strong spiritual drive, without Christ, was hijacked by the Enemy. But being born again through the Holy Spirit, Jesus rescued me.

During those dark years, I consistently experienced magic working and demonic entities influencing the world in ways I couldn’t dismiss. This led to a firm belief in their existence, even with my rational inclinations. I eventually realized my views on these spirits contradicted many occultists who saw them as neutral or mixed, not the malevolent demons of Judeo-Christianity, existing independently of a distant or non-existent God. This proved that demonically inspired convictions lead to contradictory and implausible beliefs.

My doubts about the nature of these spirits grew from increasing evidence of their foul and deceptive character, inspiring nothing good. These experiences included seeing shadowy figures or shapes in a scrying glass, receiving strong thoughts and instructions, sometimes confirmed by external synchronicities. More disturbing were manipulations of animal and human behaviour near rituals. Most frightening were two instances where I felt my life was in serious danger, one involving complete separation of consciousness from my body after contacting a spirit. This terrifying experience mirrored negative near-death experiences involving a void of darkness and a figure trying to drag me away into inescapable darkness.

Looking back, it’s clear why I became reluctant to continue with occult rituals and now feel compelled to help others avoid the destructive path I once walked. Initially, I was too deeply entrenched to break free. The further one ventures into the demonic, the tighter its grip becomes, making withdrawal increasingly difficult. Like poisoned barbs, these attachments to the occult can’t simply be pulled out. Moreover, my involvement formed the core of my identity, shaping my relationships, social life, and free time. To give it up felt like losing everything.

By the end of 2019, after several negative experiences with ceremonial magic, I retreated to less extreme practices, exploring the intersection of Eastern religions like Shaivism and Tibetan Buddhism with Western Gnostic traditions. While this led to a less intense form of demonic spirituality, the practice of Kundalini Yoga still presented significant dangers.

During my time as a follower of Aleister Crowley’s teachings, I intensely practiced the manipulation of Kundalini energy. This involved stimulating the nervous system through intense breathing exercises and adopting yoga poses and gestures (asanas and mudras). These practices led to unusual experiences, including strange visions and voices, spinal rigidity, the sensation of being lifted off the ground, feelings of ‘possession’ by an alien energy, involuntary bodily movements, and spontaneous dancing.

While I can’t definitively prove it, I believe that the entities encountered during and after ritual magic are attracted to and feed on this energy. They also seem to manipulate or ‘plug in’ to our nervous systems. This is why yoga, with its manipulation of the vagus nerve and related nerve bundles during postures of worship and submission to demonic entities, is extremely perilous. Whether this is precisely the mechanism or not, a strong symbiotic relationship exists between Kundalini energy stimulation and the perceived presence of entities. Consequently, not only occultism and magic but also any practice that alters states of consciousness—such as meditation, yoga, and drug use—can be initiated by or attract demonic entities and should be entirely avoided.

Another recurring area of interest was Gnosticism. Gnostic ideas were central to the major heresies opposed by the early Church. Their core belief revolved around a secret knowledge or ‘gnosis,’ attainable through personal, subjective experience or direct revelation rather than scripture, which provided understanding of the universe, the divine, and oneself.

Among the surviving Gnostic texts are various false Gospels that, while containing fragments of truth (as is typical of false teachings), are fundamentally deceptive. In the early spring of 2021, while researching these texts, I read the Gospel of Phillip, a 3rd-century collection of sayings attributed to Jesus by the Gnostics. Despite this attribution, like all teachings that distort the Gospel message—be it Islam, Mormonism, Jehovah’s Witnesses, or any other demonic doctrine—it significantly deviates in its portrayal of Jesus and his teachings. Although I had read this false gospel before, one day I suddenly recognized its fraudulent nature. Its tactic was to insert philosophical concepts absent from 1st Century Judea during Christ’s time alongside his actual sayings, creating the illusion that he espoused bizarre ideas that he never actually did. This realization, though not entirely surprising, struck me profoundly. Seeing this deception juxtaposed with genuine quotes from Jesus within the text led to a deep, heart-stirring realization that opened my eyes. Suddenly, the words of Jesus Christ resonated with me in an unprecedented way.

My immediate next step was to obtain a Bible and read Matthew Chapters 5-7, which I recognized as the source material the false Gnostic gospel had selectively used. Reading his words in their true context confirmed my intuition that they embodied truth and love, and I was astonished by the powerful emotions they evoked within me.

Although I didn’t immediately identify as a Christian in the first few months and still occasionally dabbled with Tarot, Runes, and Astrology, I eventually acquired books about the real Jesus as portrayed in the canonical Gospels. The more I read about him, the more my newfound respect grew into love. By the end of that spring, the pull towards him had intensified to the point where I felt compelled to abandon the last vestiges of the occult, pray regularly, and seek a church to attend. By the end of that summer, all these steps were taken. I had repented of my sins and fully embraced my identity as a Christian.

In the following months, I experienced significant changes. My tastes and motivations, once dark, sensual, and self-centered, began to shift dramatically. I lost interest in Thrash, Death, and Black Metal. Films glorifying sex, violence, and the supernatural no longer entertained me. Humour rooted in cruelty or obscenity ceased to be amusing, and I became acutely sensitive to overt displays of sin, blasphemy, and worldly lust in the media and in the wider world. For me, these losses were no loss at all, because the person I used to be, who glorified such things and performed rituals to demons before obscene altars, is dead. It feels entirely true to say that ‘it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me’ (Galatians 2:20), and ‘the old has passed away; behold, the new has come’ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

It wasn’t just my tastes and habits that transformed, but many other aspects of my life as well. I distanced myself from certain friendships due to their negative influences, my alcohol consumption became far more moderate, and I was no longer consumed by the need to gratify fleeting passions and desires as I once was. That former life is over.

Apart from the pervasive influence of the New Age—which is now deeply interwoven with modern concepts of spirituality, health, environmentalism, and popular culture—occult practices like witchcraft, neo-paganism, and ritual magic are gaining traction in Europe, North America, and Australasia while nominal Christianity is in decline. The internet significantly fueled this rise in the last generation, and more recently, social media platforms like TikTok and Instagram have further amplified interest through content related to astrology, tarot, spellcasting, and discussions about magic and witchcraft.

While a vast chasm exists between teenagers engaging in TikTok tarot readings and the serious commitment of ritual magic, the seductive allure of the occult can quickly and subtly bridge this gap. My own early dabblings began with folk spells passed down through word of mouth, but now such things are easily accessible on a smartphone. Regardless of the perceived scale, a clear underlying connection unites all magical and divinatory practices, no matter how minor: they are explicitly contrary to God’s will (see Exodus 22:18; Leviticus 20:26-27; Acts 16:16-18; Revelation 21:8).

Just as seemingly ‘minor’ magical practices offend God, so do all New Age methodologies. Often centered around self-help principles like energy healing, meditation, and affirmations of identity and self-worth, they may appear far removed from summoning demons. However, at their core, the New Age approach to spirituality rests on the same deceptions as more overt occultism. Both teach that self-realization or enlightenment can be achieved by accessing a ‘divine energy’ through an innate ability, a rare personal quality, or ‘secret knowledge,’ which can then be used to manifest desires and enhance spiritual growth. These aims directly align with the serpent’s corrupting advice in Eden, suggesting that disobeying God would make us like Him. Then, as now, Satan’s strategy is to make people doubt God’s word and believe they can emulate His power and claim His knowledge according to their own preferences. During the brief reign of the Antichrist before Jesus’s return, many will tragically embrace this very lie, ultimately leading to their eternal condemnation. By choosing to believe this ancient falsehood in its contemporary forms, they place themselves in a position where God irrevocably consigns them to their error.

Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders, And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.
— 2 Thessalonians 2:9-12.

Although this man of lawlessness has not yet appeared, the proliferation of false teachings, heresies, New Age beliefs, and occultism that have inundated the world in the past century has also exerted a corrupting influence on the Church. This influence is another sure sign that the days in which false christs and false prophets will arise are at hand, with their intention being to lead astray, if possible, even the elect. This is another crucial reason why I felt it essential to share my testimony.

I was deceived by that lie, and having been fooled for so long, I want others to recognize it for what it is before it becomes too late to reject it. I had no intention of leaving that world; I sought to delve deeper into it through increasingly intricate and mystical philosophies and rituals. I had no conviction of my sins, saw no issue with spiritual pluralism or moral relativism, possessed little genuine awareness or concern for the harm I inflicted on myself and others, and had no understanding of the profound offense I was causing God. Yet, despite my blindness, God had other plans. While much changed in my life when Jesus entered it through the work of the Spirit and the truth of the Gospel, life certainly didn’t become easier. Faith brings its own trials and tribulations, primarily because we come into greater conflict with the ways of a world we once readily accepted but now recognize as temporary, broken, and empty.

Reflecting on my life as I write, the pervasive influence of God’s hand has become undeniable, extending far beyond my initial awareness. While Jesus’s teachings in the Sermon on the Mount served as the catalyst for my conversion, the groundwork was laid much earlier. My intense, seemingly baseless hatred for Christianity at various points now strikes me as peculiar and ultimately became a source of suspicion. This suspicion marked a gradual shift during my occult practices, leading to a growing respect for Jesus. However, I never anticipated a sudden, profound yearning for the true Jesus that would result in repentance, acknowledging Him as Lord, and baptism. Despite my deliberate pursuit of Satan’s ways and exposure to his deceptions, simply encountering Christ’s words with newfound clarity instantly nullified all of Satan’s efforts.

I recognize unique challenges may arise for individuals transitioning from a spiritual background like mine. While God readily grants forgiveness upon repentance, self-forgiveness often proves more elusive, especially when one’s past involves blasphemous, idolatrous acts and interactions with demonic entities.

Acknowledging the reality of supernatural evil, though unsettling, offers reassurance regarding the literal truth of the apostles’ accounts in the Gospels and Acts concerning the banishment of demons by themselves and Jesus—contrary to the interpretations of those who distort the gospel. Recognizing this reality can illuminate other biblical truths that may initially seem difficult for a rational mind to accept. I have often attempted to rationalize my past experiences due to their apparent improbability. However, the more vivid and disturbing events defy logical explanation. I believe that most genuine instances of supernatural activity are linked to prior involvement in occult practices.

Engaging in magic might create minor alterations in one’s surroundings but never to the extent one might hope. It can offer just enough to maintain its hold, fostering the illusion that increased dedication and learning will eventually yield significant gains. Yet, like all of the devil’s schemes, it operates on false promises, occasionally dangled like a carrot on a stick.

For those transitioning from the occult, paganism, or Satanism, it is crucial to eliminate idols. Even two years after my conversion and complete renunciation of the occult, my wife and I experienced a recurring, strange disturbance in our apartment: a shimmering shape appearing across the room. The final manifestation took the form of a faint grey mist, vaguely human in outline. We both witnessed this, though it was unaccompanied by other phenomena or feelings of dread, indicating a weak physical presence. Determined to find the cause, I searched the places where I had kept my remaining occult items before discarding them, but found nothing. Then, I discovered it: a small golden statue of Shiva behind some photographs on the shelf directly above where the apparition had appeared. I promptly disposed of it.

Since removing the statue, no further visual manifestations have occurred in our apartment. However, there have been instances where I’ve sensed presences, seen fleeting shadows, experienced specific types of nightmares (common during my occult involvement but rare since coming to Christ) after being around individuals suffering from demonic oppression, or felt slight surges of residual Kundalini energy in my hands or abdomen. Nevertheless, I am confident in the knowledge that upon placing my faith in Jesus, Satan and his allies lost their dominion over me. Despite their potential to be frightening, those who are in Christ ultimately have nothing to fear.