My Main Man - Silhouette

My Main Man

When I was 3 I lost my Father to meningitis. My mother married a man who she met 3 years after his death and was married to him for 35 years. I was 5 when they got married. He was abusive physically and mentally, and very emotionally abusive.

I remember many times moving and leaving as my mom would say we would take off to Tennessee or North Carolina and get away from him. He cheated, lied, stole from all of us. People would say why “y’all have it made there, money and cars and toys and a pool, oh wow…” NO YOU DONT, HE WAS MEAN WHEN THOSE DOORS CLOSED AND NO ONE SAW WHAT WE DID ME AND MY MOM.

He called us names we were unworthy, lazy, never good enough, ugly. I always wondered did God hate us? Is he real? If he is why does he continue to let all this happen to me, and us my mom and I?

Fast forward to 2016 after all those years went by I left and moved to North Carolina and have been here since 1998. I got away from there and now have a family of my own. They also moved here in 2012, my mother and that man as I call him because he was no step dad. She can take no more and never showed anything was wrong.

January 10th 6 am phone rings and it’s my sister’s husband and he says “Gary your mom is dead, she’s gone.”

“Huh, what?”

“I was just at her house.”

“Gary, she shot and killed herself last night around 1 in the morning.”

“No way, she wouldn’t do that.”

“Yeah she did.”

I was in denial I had to see myself. I went in and blood on the carpet, I go to the hospital, yelling and screaming,

“No, why?”

People looking and wondering, why she did it. Because of him – he was divorcing her, taking everything. She would lose her medicine. She had health issues. She had taken the easy way out. She kept a journal and in it she asked God to forgive her and asked to watch over me and she knows I don’t believe.

Well I didn’t.

I pushed God away for a long time. I asked why would he take a child’s father at 3. My mother committed suicide. He hates me. Well I hate him to. I suffer from PTSD, depression, had anxiety, was no polar, was taking pain pills and was an addict.

Trust me there is no pill to take away the kind of pain I had. People would say “go to church.”

I would turn my head and would not listen.

I always saw signs though. I was in a wreck and rolled 3 times and totaled my car, taken many pills and never OD’d, contemplated suicide many many times. Then one morning I wake up at 4 am and I see an event called The Better Man Event, and there was a scripture from Matthew 11:28 and it said:

“Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest.”

I got down and prayed and asked God to help me, take it all away: the addiction, depression, anxiety, oh yeah not to mention the insomnia, lol lemme tell you I never slept. My wife would say when she got up man I didn’t sleep at all last night, and I’d be like, well looks like you slept good to me cause I never slept at all. Lol it’s funny now but it sucks.

The next couple days after I saw that scripture I got saved.

And I pray and I thank GOD every day all day and he has spared my life on earth many times and for that for the rest of my life I will Praise Him and I Now Believe In GOD, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. My idols were Brett Fave, Ric Flair. Now My Idol is God. He’s my main man, my go-to guy, my all and everything. Thank you Jesus

3 Comments

  1. Denis 12/17/2020
  2. Mike Henry Sr. 12/19/2020
  3. Sarah 1/3/2021

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