Marriage, Prayer, Faith, and Patience

This post has been updated…

In The Beginning

June 28, 2010 I began a fast that lasted until July 2, 2010. Four full days of no food, only drinking water and praying. The main focus of that fast, was for God to bring me a Husband. Again, on July11, 2010 fast until July 16, 2010. The focus of that five day fast, was for guidance and understanding…

During this time, I was in a 5 month friendship with a guy name John (I changed his name to protect his identity), who was my spiritual teacher. A man that I respected, truly loved, and hoped to marry. John knew my feelings, but he was going through a divorce and was not looking to marry again, anytime soon.

On July 16, 2010, I received a message in my YouTube inbox, from another guy name Pervis that I knew from Facebook. I despised the guy because he was rude and condescending. He called himself an Apostle, and was extremely arrogant as well as UTTERLY annoying. He was a know-it-all, and we argued alllll the time.. ugh! I couldn’t STAND him. I don’t know why I never blocked him.

In the message, he asked me if I was married and I said, No. I didn’t pay-attention to his question, because I wasn’t concerned with why he wanted to know. I was more concerned with, how he found me on YouTube! In the following words, he explained to me that, he ran across a video (i have deleted my account since then) of a beautiful woman, teaching the scriptures. He told his son, who’s 21 years old, to take a look at the video. He explained that his son said, “That’s Rene (I changed my name to protect my identity) from Facebook!”. Pervis said that he was shocked because he didn’t recognize me and he didn’t know that I taught from the scriptures. He then explained, over time, he felt compelled to contact me.

After I read that inbox, I felt a TINY BIT, of warmth towards him, because he saw a spiritual side of me that he didn’t know existed, so I felt that he respected me more. He then sent me another inbox saying that he was going to reactivate his Facebook account. I replied saying, “ok, I didn’t know that you deactivated it”. I only said that, to make conversation. To be honest, I really didn’t care, that he was reactivating his account. Of course, that careless thought, stemmed from me despising him.

The next day, July 17, 2010, I got another message from Pervis. Before I read it, I was totally annoyed, saying to myself, “UGH! WHY DOES HE KEEP MESSAGING ME?”. Well once I had seen the message, it said, “The Father told me to marry you, he said that your my wife”. The first thing I said in my mind was “WHAT? OH HECK NO!” .. I didn’t respond because I thought he was crazy. The next day, he was back on Facebook, sending me messages there. I finally decided to live chat with him, to see what was really wrong with him.

A Change of Heart

We talked over the internet for 3 days.. He kept pressuring me about calling him, so I finally did. We argued back and forth for two weeks, because I wouldn’t take his word for it. I even argued with a few women in his house, whom he introduced me to, via the phone. They were taking his side saying that I should trust him, but I was saying that I needed God to confirm this to me, before I made any move. We argued like crazy. In the mist of the debating and arguing, I was starting to SLOWLY gain feelings for him.

I evaluated what the nine day fast was about, and the fact that this guy showed up, on the last day of my nine day fast, saying that I was his wife.

I was totally confused because I didn’t know this man, so I didn’t trust him. I also wasn’t sure if The Father sent him or if Satan sent him. I told John, my teacher, about this new man, and John (who I still loved) explained that Satan tempted Christ in the wilderness, when Christ came off of his 40 day fast, as well. After hearing that, I was REALLY confused.

Over a two week period, i was caught in a “love triangle”. I had love for John, and I was also realizing that Pervis, was a really nice, kind heart person, who truly loves God.

John felt threatened by Pervis, because John felt like he was going to lose me, even though we were friends. Pervis felt threatened by John because John had a stronger bond with me, and Pervis knew about my feelings for John, because I told him. So there I was in the middle of all that. I was drained, and I began to feel depressed and oppressed, by the situation. The confusion was so overwhelming, It was as if there was a tug-a-war in my brain!

One night while Pervis and I were on the phone, I told him about my nine day fast. He kept telling me that the Father sent him and I needed to yield to what the Father has done. After we talked for 3 hours, we hung up. I said to God, “Father if this is your will, it will come to pass”. About 5 minutes later, I felt compelled to call Pervis again. When he answered, his first words shocked me. He said, “This is the Father’s will, and it will come to pass.” I IMMEDIATELY started shaking and crying because I felt that God confirmed through Pervis, that it was His will. Pervis was even shaken up by what had happened, after I explained it to him.

ACCEPTANCE & REPENTANCE

Even after that divine confirmation, I still doubted. However, On August 4, 2010, I made my decision. I chose Pervis, my Facebook enemy. I was tired of the confusion and drama. I honestly, realized that the Father had already chose for me. Only because I didn’t want to accept it, our relationship took that much longer, to pick up. So, I repented for disobeying The Father, and not believing. I was also honest, with telling the Father that I was still a little leery about Pervis because I didn’t know him that well.

In that same prayer, I told God that I trusted his judgment and I accepted the gift of marriage, with Pervis. I asked God to please put love in my heart for Pervis, because he deserved it.

Not even 1 minute later, my spirit was consumed with loved for Pervis.. A deep passionate love that I have never felt for anyone, ever before. I fell on the floor and I thanked the Father for what he had done for me; by instantly repairing my broken, depressed spirit from all the confusion and hurt of letting John go, as well as answering my prayers and bringing me a husband.

Two weeks later, on Aug 17, Pervis surprised me by driving 600 miles to see me for the first time. It was beautiful. We talked and stared at each other forever seem like.. lol he was soooooo handsome and soo perfect! I KNEW that he loved me, without a shadow of a doubt, PLUS, the chemistry was amazing! There sitting before me, was an extremely handsome, strong (mentally & physically), God-fearing man, who loved me. A man who was heaven sent to me. A man who, that night, prayed for me, and through the power of the Holy Spirit, healed me of the grief, that I was holding on to, from my mother dying 11 years ago. I felt that spirit release from me when I exhaled a Loud shriek, and was delivered, by his prayers. I never knew these things about Pervis, while I was despising him on Facebook.

Marriage

Spiritually, I felt that we were already married.. because the Father had already ordained it. However, we also understood that marriage is received, just as Salvation is received. We said our vows, and then, Pervis broke my 5 year celibacy, which was most sacred to me. Ultimately, our marriage was sealed.

He ended up leaving two days later, as was planned. He wanted me to leave with him, but I had too many responsibilities, to take care of, before leaving. The plan was that I leave Sept 4 2010.

Over the next two weeks, we had a few ups and downs. Our foundation was built on arguing, so that’s all we did. I threatened not to come to his home, and he threatened to break it off with me.. Its almost as if we started to despised each other again. I hated that he was a control freak, arrogant and impatient and he hated that I stood my ground with him. We separated 2 times, however, in the mean time, I had already started preparing to leave just in case. I got rid of my apartment, and moved in with my dad and resigned from my job, by giving them a two weeks notice that I was leaving. Finally on Sept 4th, instead of me leaving, we had a blown out argument which caused me to say some mean things towrds one of the other women in the house, for injecting her thoughts on my relationship and trying to be harsh towards me. So that caused us to part ways for good, I thought.

Forgiveness and The Road Trip

Two days later, I repented. I started to miss him, so I called. He said that he missed me and loved me as well. I also apologized to everyone for the blown out argument. Finally once again, we scheduled my day to leave to be on Sept 10th, and I did. Even though we all had our differences over the phone, I decided that once I got there, I wasn’t going to show any type of behavior that would make them, not believe my genuine kindness. In other words, I left ANY negative feelings, behind. Again, I prayed, cried and rejoiced the whole way there, because of what the Father had done for me.

A twelve hour drive to his home. I got there at 6:30pm Friday evening Sept 10, 2010. His family and an older lady (the “mother” of the house) greeted me and we got my things out of my car and I moved into his guest house, as was planned. During that time (about the span of a week), they complained that I was separating myself from the family and they really wanted me to move into the big house because they loved me and wanted to get to know me more, despite the fact that I had already been spending all day with them at the big house since I got there, but just sleeping at the guest house. A couple days later, I felt comfortable enough to move into the big house, with the rest of the family, and that’s when the problems started.

Lies, Slander, Manipulation and Distrust

I thought that I was doing everything right: cleaning, asking the others if they needed help with anything, spending time with the family, and giving him attention. Everyone acted so nice and loving. We didn’t argue nor was there any tension in the house, that I could feel. On the evening of Sept 23rd, Pervis called a family meeting. I was told that, when he calls a family meeting, typically that means, something or someone, is causing a problem in the house.

After everyone settled in the living room, and he began talking, I QUICKLY noticed that the meeting was about me. This is what he said, “We are a family of order, and it’s always been that way until recently. There are no lazy people in this house. I’m TIRED of coming home to bad reports, THAT IS A TURN OFF!!” (thats when I noticed that he was directing that to me). Then he insisted that there was tension in the house and if I needed to get it off my chest, then I need to say something. Feeling confused & humiliated, I told him that I didn’t have any tension. (I guess he said that because of the heated argument that I had on the phone with his female family member a week before I moved there. Perhaps he thought I was still mad, for some reason even though I had apologized).

Then I heard one of the women say, “Oh! Pervis, there is absolutely no tension at all!”. Then it hit me, that she had been calling him, while he was at work, and talking bad about me, but she forgot to tell him that we didn’t have any tension though (sarcasm). That also must be the bad reports that he was talking about.

Over a two week period, I was on to her, so I made sure that I went over and beyond, to prove that she was a liar, by cleaning and doing everything that was expected of me, plus extra.

In the mist of all that, we all talked and laughed and I felt that I was getting closer to them.

Everything was fine until on Sept 29, Pervis came home from work, and seen me on my laptop. He then started accusing me of not reading the bible and not listening to his teaching cd’s. I told him that I was, reading the bible and listening to the cd’s. He ranted through the house yelling at me and saying that I was being rebellious, and not doing as he asked of me. I asked him, where was he getting his information from, because whoever told him that, is a liar. He kept saying that I turn him off, because I never do as he ask of me.

While the base of his voice, beat on the walls, all over the house, I never argued back with him. However, I was furious because I knew that I had done exceedingly perfect, just so he wouldn’t complain. So, I KNOW that either someone was lying on me, or he has a serious mental problem.

At that time it was about 8pm. It was dark and cool outside. After he left out, I grabbed my bible and a shawl and went outside to sit on steps of his veranda. I began to talk to the Father about the situation. I cried and expressed my hurt about the people in the house attacking me, behind my back and causing my husband, whom I loved soooo much, to hate me.

While I sat there, I began to feel worthless, it seemed like I couldn’t please them, no matter what I did. I start feeling more mad. Then I decided that I wanted to leave. After 1 hour of sitting there I got up to asked for my car keys. I was told that he was in the guest house, exercising with the older lady (he was in the army so he believes in intensive exercising, in which, that was another thing, that he was told, I wasn’t doing) (lies).

I went and asked him for my keys. He told me where they were and continued exercising. In my mind, I kind of felt as if I was only trying to get his attention, however I really did want to leave because I was tired of him listening to what others were saying and accusing me of things, while NEVER asking me if the accusations, that he was hearing of me, were true. Plus he acted as if he didn’t care if I left, that night, which hurt me more.

I ran back to the main house, and went to my room (I didn’t get my keys). I began packing my clothes, and I started crying again because I was hurt by everything that was going on. I sat on the floor, I guess waiting for him to come and see me. He never came. So I figured that he didn’t care after all. I eventually heard a knock on the door, and the woman whom he was exercising with, walked in and dropped my keys on the bed, without saying anything, and then walked out.

After about 4 hours of thinking and feeling torn, I decided that I wasn’t going to give up and leave; I was going to stay there and fight for my marriage with Percival. So I got up and got in the bed. I didn’t unpack my things though.

The next morning while he was at work, one of his family members and the older lady (who brought my keys) called me in the living room for a meeting. They asked me why I wanted to leave, and I told them that I didn’t feel like Percival love me, anymore. I told them that he also accuses me of things that I’m not doing and that he is in error.

One of the ladies asked me if I thought he needed prayer, and I said yes. She asked me, what is something that he had accused me of, I said he accuses me of not reading the bible. Then she said, (with an attitude) well if he said that your not reading, well obviously your doing something wrong! Obviously your not reading enough! I said, well I wonder where he gets the notion that im not reading the bible? No one is in my room with me, when I read. No one can see what I am doing while my door is closed. Then she said, well he is an Apostle and God tells him things. I wanted to say, soo badly..NO! YOUR TELLING HIM THINGS!.. but I didn’t say anything else, I just listened. All of a sudden they started going off on me saying that I need to leave because my marriage is nothing and will never be nothing. They also said that, if I think that he is in error, well I need to “JET!”, because there’s “NO POINT!” in being there. I told them that I wasn’t going anywhere. They then tried to trap me up by saying that, if I felt he didn’t love me, well why did I want to stay. I told them, because he is my husband and I love him.

Later when he came home, he came into my room asking me why did I want to stay, I told him that I want to work through the problem, and I loved him too much to leave. He told me that he heard that I said he was in error and needed prayer. I apologized to him and asked him if we can spend time together away from the house. I told him that we needed to spend time together, away from the family, to get to know each other better. He rudely said that he knows all that he need to know about me, and things aren’t looking so good. (So, he basically said no, to my request). I knew that the women had told him about the meeting before I did, and they basically dropped words of accusation, hate and slander, in his ear about me, and he fell for it, yet again, without asking me if I even said it or did it. I could even see the hate in his eyes towards me.

After that, I continued to stay there, and I didn’t show any hate to the other three women who lived in the house (his family members and the older lady). They lied on me, talked bad about me and was obviously bothered with my presence. I felt so hurt because I loved them. I did everything I could, to make peace with them. They started ignoring me and even walking out of a room whenever I walked in.

I started feeling guilty because MAYBE they were getting use to me and then I threatened to leave. Maybe it hurt their feelings because I didn’t consider them, while I was packing my clothes. Maybe they felt betrayed. I admit that I am wrong for not considering the 3 small kids, who instantly showed love for me. I quickly realized that mistake and I felt so bad for not initially thinking of them.

Even though all of the adults were having an attitude with me, I felt that I deserved it. I was ready to go through that storm, and ride it out. HOWEVER, it wasn’t that serious for them to treat me with dislike, to the extreme extent that they were doing it. I apologized for threatening to leave, but all they could do, was complain and say that I’m wrong for saying he is in error and needed prayer. Pervis took their side of course, and justified their behavior by allowing them to treat me that way. (shaking my head) That’s so small of them. HOW DARE THEY jump in the middle of my marriage and call the shots!

I ultimately couldn’t believe all that was going on! I continued telling God my thoughts and feelings. However, I didn’t argue and I didn’t complain. I figured, God would handle them, better than I ever could.

It hurt so bad, I again, started feeling like wanted to leave, but again, I couldn’t because I loved him too much, to leave. I remember that he asked me again if I still wanted to leave, and I told him no. I admit that I lied, but I couldn’t tell him the truth because I didn’t want to raise any more problems. I was wrong for lying. I have repented for that.

MY THOUGHTS WERE… I gave up EVERYTHING for him; I had just left my family, my Apartment, and my good job for him, risked my life to be with him, because he could have been a psycho! I allowed him to break my 5 year celibacy, I said vows to him, risked my life to drive 12 hours, something I’d never done before, running the risk of getting lost or in a car wreck, and all he could do was tell me that I never did what he asked of me, and things aren’t looking good! I was so angry in my heart and feeling so oppressed by their actions, that I was considering sneaking out while everyone was sleep, but I didn’t because I was afraid of him hearing me. Plus he made me break my glasses so that I could stop relying on them while he gave me vitamins, so I couldn’t drive if I had decided to sneak out in the middle of the night.

I was so distraught.

Heavenly Father, Please Deliver Me NOW!

Before Saturday bible service, on Oct 2, 2010, while we all were in prayer, I prayed and cried for God to deliver me from there.

During the bible service, I couldn’t look at him, so I held my head down. However, I took notice how the older lady sat on the floor, facing me, staring me down for about 30 minutes, until she got up and sat in a chair, and faced him. I refused to look in her direction.

After Pervis finished preaching that Saturday sermon, we had a family meeting. The women in the house, were asked about their feelings, and they explained their dislike towards me, [(the older lady was even crying, saying that I’m blessed to have him but I disrespected him by not obeying him… (lies!)], and after the meeting, Pervis said, “I don’t know where your going, but you have to leave” and I said, “ok, No problem”. He told me to leave, because he didn’t want the women in the house (and his son) to be depressed and sad with my presence. (Smh). I was extremely broken by their lies, the “crying” show they put on, and the way they manipulated my husband. I refused to let them see me cry, so I quickly got my things and as I was taking them out to my car, I heard the women laughing, talking about playing Volleyball, as if there was never a family meeting with them crying and acting as if they were devastated.

I had no one to justify my righteous deeds, towards that family. They had done me wrong and disrespected me, to no end. Pervis allowed them, and he joined forces with them. They had each others back, and I was helpless.

I didn’t say a word, and finally I drove away. I could cry now, thinking about how they did me. I know my husband didn’t want me to leave, but he told me to leave, to make them happy.

I know some of you are saying that I had to do something wrong.. Well I’m telling you the honest truth. When I went there, I purposely put away any arguing spirit that I had with my husband… I made sure that I didn’t argue back with him, or no one else. I bent over backwards for that family, yet they lied on me and caused my husband to repent for marrying me.

Im not saying that I was totally perfect, but I didn’t do any of the things that they accused me of. Plus, their complaint was that I disrespected Pervis, by saying that he needs prayer, and that he’s in error. They said that I hurt them by saying that about Pervis. I admit that I said it, but in my mind, I was saying “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”. I got treated like a dog (and put out), all because I said that he was in error and needed prayer… smh!

So, that’s why they were crying, that’s why they said that they disliked me. Sounds really ridiculous, doesn’t it?

Current Times

Once I got back to my state, I came to my Dads one bedroom apt. That’s where I am now. No job, no money, struggling and heart broken. I texted Pervis almost 2 weeks later (oct 14), to tell him that im back in my state. I’m in my dad’s apartment, and I’m weak. I’m depressed and haven’t bathe in 3 days. I miss him and love him soo much. All he could say is, “why haven’t you bathe in 3 days? That’s gross!”.

WOW… to say the least, his attitude was sadistic and very painful to me. I still replied with a joke, but he didn’t respond back to me.

Again, I called him one week later, (oct 21) to tell him that I still love him, and that I never gave up. After he ignored my call, I left him a positive loving message. The next day I called back and to my shock, he answered. I asked if he felt like talking to me, and he immediately, started saying that I don’t need to call him ever again. He doesn’t want to hear from me. I’m to blame for our relationship ending. I should apologize to his family for disrespecting them. We were never married, and I was never his wife.

He has a new woman, who is better than me, and his family love her (he now has Facebook pictures of him and the new woman). He also said that I should just repent for having sex/fornicating with him, because we weren’t married at all… After about 2 minutes of listening to him verbally, brake me into 1,000 pieces, he hung up in my face.

I felt like I wanted to die. I don’t think I could cry hard enough to ease the pain that was rippling through my chest (im crying now as I type)..I laid on the closet floor, TRYING to cry in silence, so that my dad wouldn’t hear me, and worry himself. My fists were so tight, that my nails were digging into my palms. My face was pressed against the carpet, and all I could do was close my eyes and cry as hard as I could. I couldn’t pray and I couldn’t move. That day, my spirit, was experiencing a deep pain, that I had never felt before. I was helpless & hopeless. I just wanted to die.

That went on for 2 hours. Later, I gained a little strength and got up. Slightly bent over, and holding my chest, I walked to the mirror and look at my face. It was swelling and my eyes were red, and filled with water; they to were almost swollen shut, from crying. The face that I seen in the mirror was not me, literally. My eyes scared me, because those were the eyes of a person who was filled with extreme sorrow. I had never seen myself look that way before. I looked really scary.

I managed to ask God why did He let this happen to me.. I left everything for Pervis and now I’m back, with nothing! I told the Father that I trusted him. Before I left to be with Pervis, I said Father if you want me to go, I will go, but if you want me to stay, I will stay. That was my peace that I rested in. So finally the Father let me go. That had to be his will, right?

I trusted God with everything. I fasted and prayed, day after day, to know for sure, if I needed to go to Pervis’s home, so soon. I just dont understand why things got so bad.

I don’t blame God anymore, but I’m still hurting. However, some days are better than others. The holy spirit reminded me that, Pervis is my husband and don’t give up on him. Just keep praying for him, and he will return.

It’s hard because I feel like giving up and moving on, but God won’t let me.

Three days before I left to be with Pervis, I met a coworker, who I accidentally ran across. I was a fill-in that day and we started talking about relationships. His story was similar to mine, so I felt compelled to tell him about how I met Pervis, and the things that I didn’t like about Pervis, as far as his arrogance and argumentative ways.

My coworker, who I noticed, was a strong Faithful man, told me that I can’t change Pervis, only God can. He told me to ONLY pray for Pervis, and let God have his way with him. Then Pervis will be a totally new person. My coworker also told me to be patient.

All of that sounds nice, but im hurting, now, because I keep thinking of his Sadistic, twisted family, and his arrogant, hard hearted ways. I don’t regret leaving, but I miss him dearly. If God wants me back with him, I pray that the others are no longer there. I forgave them, but I cant take this, happening to me again. Please pray for me, and our marriage everyone.. please.

I wish that I could give more details, but I would be typing all night.

Bless you all.

PS… I forgot to mention that he, endlessly, compared me to those, who have hurt him in past relationships. I knew, that hindered our marriage as well, because he is still hurt by that.

****UPDATE**** 6/12/16

WOW I am revisiting this testimony after six long years. It’s very interesting that I gave so much of my time and emotions, to someone who did not care about me at all. It took me two years to recover from this.

Now that I look back, I see that I was a part of a cult. Over the years, I have heard how this family did the same thing too many other women, and we all have the same story. Also, we need to be careful with interpreting situations and saying that its God because Satan is very tricky. He’s very smart because he’s been around longer than all of us and he knows more than we do. I’m convinced that God did NOT give me the green light to go to be with Pervis.

There were all types of red flags, and I even had a dream that I shouldn’t have moved there, but I ignored it all, because of my own futile understanding. When I typed this story, 6 years ago, asking for prayer to heal my marriage, I was still weak, manipulated and confused- deceiving myself into thinking he was my husband, because I couldn’t let go of the few good qualities that he had. This man and his family are Devils and I’m not saying that to be smart, I’m saying that because it’s evident.

They are still doing the same thing to other helpless single and married women, (and me hearing about it, and seeing it, made me remember my testimony here). They manipulate these women, to draw them in, then they use them. They also want these people to worship him saying that he’s an Apostle and prophet. If the woman refuses to worship him (literally), they make them leave. The woman is so hurt and broken, but they make her think that she is the problem when it’s really this man and his family. It’s really sad also because in all of these situations, they claim to be the victims.

My heart goes out to every woman (20+ women) who have suffered at the mistreatment of this man and his family. The authorities can’t do anything without proof and other women are afraid to speak up out of fear of him “exposing” them or making a video on Facebook about them, or possibly doing witchcraft on them (which he has admitted to doing in the past). He is the common denominator in this and all of these women, who have the same story, can’t all be telling the same lie.

On another note, I have since then been married and I’m doing just fine. I’m blessed that my relationship didn’t work out with Pervis.

The whole thing was a mistake. If anything, there is a lesson in this, and the lesson is: Just because the situation seems right doesn’t mean that it is, and just because the situation seems like it’s from God, doesn’t mean that it is. Many of us have suffered for nothing, when God had already created a way out of the potential bad problem by showing us red flags. But we love to ignore the red flags to do what we think is right, and then once we get caught up, we’re asking God to bless the bad situation. Smh. We have to read between the lines and analyze everything because if the situation is for you, it would be made very easy for you, and it won’t cause any hardship.

If anything, please pray that God bring this man and his family down, so that me and many other women will finally get justice. Thank you for reading.