I just wanted to share how my life was going on a downward spiral once I got into college and just how GOD has never left me, even when I tried to leave HIM.
I had been raised in the church, so going to college for me was a chance to escape and basically run away from JESUS. I started partying every Friday and Saturday for nearly two years straight, drinking heavily, experimenting with drugs, and entertaining every suitor that came my way.
I was a very shy girl and I thought that the alcohol and drugs made me a funner person to be around, and more attractive to men. GOD had been keeping me hidden and I didn’t understand that concept at the time, and why no one wanted to pursue me. This became a source of insecurity for me, so I welcomed and heavily sought after attention from men. I did whatever it took to get more “looks” from the guys and based my value on how many men asked for my number in any one night. I began to dress scantier, wear more makeup, and behave seductively. The men that I was attracting from these actions were far from what I actually wanted on the inside, and these men just tore me down even more.
I was a virgin when I went to college, but my first experience ended with an STD, and another ended up being an attempted rape. I was molested at a club, and I escaped danger on multiple occasions from shootings, drunk driving, and plenty of other mayhem while trying to “find myself” at college. I ended a very toxic relationship right before graduating from college that included cheating and emotional abuse. I ended up moving altogether from that city shortly after my graduation, and I went back to my hometown. I was so broken after that relationship, and my college experience altogether.
I came back to The LORD in tears, asking HIM to forgive me for abandoning HIM. For trying to go out and do my own thing, but asking HIM to help me when I got into dangerous situations, then ultimately going right back to it. I’m so glad that The LORD kept me during that time when I was so immature and tried to “run away from home”. I began to listen to sermons online because going to church once a week wasn’t enough for my spirit man. I listened to a woman whose story was similar to mine and she spoke with such zeal and passion that it all finally “clicked” for me, and I became so enamored with GOD and I decided that I had to do this for real. No more being a lukewarm Christian, no more running, but giving my life fully and completely to GOD. Letting HIM fill ALL of my voids instead of looking for it in all these worldly things, realizing my identity is in HIM, letting HIM take control of every area of my life, and allowing HIM to lead me every single day (because I obviously didn’t know what I was doing when I tried to take control). I realize that I need GOD more than anything, everything comes from HIM- and as we serve HIM and focus on HIM he gives us what we need, when we need it. But seek ye first the Kingdom of GOD, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33 KJV)
The LORD has truly delivered me, set me free, and healed me. He’s delivered me from the darkness, from mindsets, and from people. The old me is dead, actually, the person who I was in college, wasn’t even actually the real me. I asked The LORD to show me who I was, and HE has done just that. HE has shown me my true personality and my purpose, and continues to reveal more to me each day while continuing to purge what doesn’t belong. I am so content with HIM, and I feel such a peace because life becomes so less stressful when you just release everything to HIM and just let GOD be GOD. HE has your best interest at heart, and HIS plans for us are greater than anything we could ever imagine.
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him (1 Corinthians 2:9 NLT).
“For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a GOD like you, who works for those who wait on him!” (Isaiah 64:4 NLT).
For I know the plans I have for you” says The LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT).
ALL GLORY TO GOD!