Girl silhouette on road

Lost and Found

My testimony. I don’t have one experience that I can really point out. My whole life is my testimony I see now.

I was born the youngest of 7 to two hard working parents with no education. Immigrants from Mexico, they came to the US to make a better life for us. I never appreciated my parents or family as much as I should have. My father and my brothers built houses, my mother worked and made tamales.

I look back and remember the hard times, for some reason that’s the majority of what I can remember growing up. The hard times. I understand now how stressful it must have been to provide for us.

My youth was spent alone being angry and crying, always confused . Wondering why things where the way they were. Even then I remember staying up at night talking to outload and crying to them, asking them why things where the way there were. Even then, I must have know he was listening to my crys. I lost my best friend to diabetes soon after I graduated high school.

I had ups and downs with my faith but with this loss, I definitely became detached for a few years. These years would be the hardest iv experienced so far in my young life of 24. I went out on my own wanting to take control of my life but having no direction. I made poor decisions, I made my future and money my priority and told myself that it was me against everyone else. I felt very angry, I felt alone, I didn’t think I was worth anything. I hated myself.

I found myself in a relationship with a man that was 12 years older than me. I had not had much experience with love and I was manipulated, used and abused. But I felt that was where I needed to be.

But after 3 years that person lost their job and had to rely then on me, his young girlfriend. I felt that this was part of Gods plan, maybe he wanted to test my strength and loyalty. I worked, took over bills, I had already fallen for his son, we were very close.

So, I saw this as one of Gods tests. But this person I thought I loved, cheated on me, and again I was alone. The little family I had come to call my own, was never really mine. I drank, and I hated, and I cursed, and I lost my will for a while. I stayed in bed for days at a time, didn’t care about my job, I couldn’t stand to be around anyone. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, a waste of a person. I was put on anti-depressants that truly didn’t change the way I felt, thy just didn’t allow me to react normally, I felt like a robot. Because of the medicine I was always drowsy, my mouth was dry, my legs would shake, this wasn’t a cure.

But in all of this God was still working in us, not losing faith in me, his child. My niece Carolyn was born to us 6/26/2002, a real angel from God sent down to earth. She was born with cerebral palsy, scoliosis, constant seizures throughout her days. She went through several surgeries that included her head, her eyes, G-tubes, etc. She could not walk, talk, she lacked the simple luxuries that we take for granted in our every day.

But she was a real soldier of God. She smiled like she knew something we didn’t. And she laughed, it was the most beautiful sound her laugh. She loved her music; she loved her family. But she was so fragile on earth. The simplest cold could turn into pneumonia and send her to the hospital for a month full of poking and prodding, with her sensitive skin not even able to have tape hold her tubes in place because it would tear her skin off.

She was strong like I could not be. She slipped in and out of comas for a while after a few collapsed lungs. Doctors would tell us that she was on her deathbed and we prayed and 3 times she woke up smiling and laughing like if she had just come back from a trip, leaving doctors in shock. But I wasnt shocked, I prayed to God and I knew he was there.

But her body grew week and that 4th time, she was sent home for her final days. God bless my sister for staying by her little girls side till the very end. Doctors said she would be gone by the end of the day, she gave us 6 days. Reminds me of the day she was born, doctors saying she would have at the most a week, and she gave us 9 years. That was GOD.

When I felt selfish and only thought about myself, something would happen, shed get sick, or end up in the hospital. She always had a way of waking me up. We get caught up in ourselves, our drama, our bills, our own selfish needs and we forget that its not about us. Its about God. We should think more about others, than about ourselves. And it took me a while to see that, but I see it clearly now.

God sent storms my way to redirect me, much like the story of Jonah. Things happen for a reason, people come into your life for a reason. And I thank God that he has made me the person I am today, by blessing me with the people, and lessons, and hard times.

One night I fell on my knees and cried to God for salvation, I repented my sins. I prayed and I trusted in him. And my days began to improve, I started to read the holy scriptures, I stopped cursing, I stopped all my foolish behavior because my eyes had been open to how real and awesome Gods love was and I needed to try and be Christ like. I got off my anti-depressants and I realized I didn’t need them.

I needed God.

Even on our worst days, we should give thanks and love one another. Today I have a wonderful man that loves me and stands by me, and I appreciate the man he is and he appreciates me in the ways that I didn’t think I was worth. When im at my lowest, he reminds me how God made me beautiful and in his image. He just smiles at me and says “Your a clay pot babe” and I feel better.

Thats God.

Finding my way back to God when I was at my lowest, realizing how selfish I was being. My life has turned around, I see things so clearly. I am so grateful. I pray for strength, patience and love for all of us. I do not lose faith in Man. We are his children, and he wants us so badly to be reunited in his kingdom. But we must take a look at how we are living, help and love one another.

I feel like I need to tell everyone how much God loves them. God is such a great and loving God! God is always taking care of me, he is my shepherd, I will not stray again. I am looking forward to my baptism, I’m all in.


  1. Zoe_Selah 12/18/2011
  2. Rodvin 1/28/2012

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