Girl in Field

Leaving ADHD

Dear reader,
I write this as a reminder of ADHD. If you’re reading this, I welcome you to hear my testimony. Now, I know when I was younger, I didn’t have ADHD. I know this because I was always a straight A student who never questioned my abilities. I was so devoted to my work that even while being alone through middle school; I coped with studying.

Before I was cursed

When I was saved in my 8th grade year, a kid who was numb, hadn’t cried in years, questioned if I was a sociopath, never spoke, and hated people became a completely different kid. Being reborn wasn’t the day I was baptized or the day I hit 13 or some special event. I was reborn on a random night that I hadn’t expected. I had been asking for months and God finally delivered. But it was different than expected. It wasn’t just the Lord announcing to me that it had been done.

But the person who went to bed that night wasn’t there when I awoke. My heart was all that had changed but it was all I needed to prosper. I started to love people, I couldn’t ever stop talking, and the numbness was replaced with so many emotions. In fact, I was so bubbly that I was that girl who was friends and knew everybody. I finally had friends, friend groups, and I spent the whole summer with my friends. But as a new Christian all this reward made me forget God. And after months God finally broke.

The beginning of the curse

The bible a lot of times speaks about God’s wrath. In fact, I can confirm that his wrath is as profound as thousands of years back. And even though I hadn’t died; I would have rather died than suffer the pain if I had seen it coming.

Imagine from the moment you wake up to the second you lay down; you lived life knowing the worst outcome would come. I had a curse of some sort on me that gave me the worst of luck. But this isn’t about my testimony, this is about one in specific. I was given 10 or more curses but the one that stuck out the most was the curse of ADHD.

Now it happens subtly. I first began to never remember anything. It wasn’t a gradual decrease but more like going from a memory of a wizard to not remembering the past 2 days.

By my Freshman Year I learned to cope with drugs. And I thought the memory was due to them. But when I no longer could focus, gave up on my grades, and when I was an anxious mess, I too gave up on myself. See I knew something was wrong. Every time I tried to focus, I just couldn’t. I would get to class early, sit down, set my desk up, crack my knuckles, and direct eyes to the teacher.

But once words poured out of his mouth the words didn’t come together to make sentences. It was all mumbling and all I could do was zone in on his nose. Then I realize and try again but instead zone in on his hands. You see, even when I tried to focus; my brain refused to do so. So, in defeat I decided to cheat my way through.

A deeper dive into ADHD

Now things don’t just affect my school life. Although I don’t recall much awareness at the time, I now know the deeper effects. People say ADHD is a malfunction in one’s ability to focus, remember, problem solve, and listen. But it’s not just that because in truth your entire brain works perfectly fine.

Instead, the only thing that is wrong is that 24/7 you have thoughts pouring and spiraling in your brain. You can’t focus because your brains focus on the million thoughts you can’t control. You can’t remember not because it malfunctioned but because your thoughts take so much focus that you can’t retain the information as effectively.

You can’t listen to people speak and ignore the thoughts – oh and don’t forget the strong urge to blurt mid-way through someone’s rant. It’s quite literally the devil on your shoulder times 100 sending chaos and mess to fill your brain.
Imagine being in a room with 1,000 people all speaking at once. But your job was to find that one voice that is needed. That’s how it feels because internally there is war. And that’s why ADHD comes in hand with anxiety. So, what happens is you become a person controlled by your messed up brain and as a result are scared and anxious in everything you do. Fun, right? Nah.

Adderall for healing

But one day, I decided to test to see if I truly had it. I took one of my friends’ ADHD meds for the first time. And let me tell you it flipped a switch. I stayed up all night working. And when it wore off all I wanted was more. But no matter the amount I took, the effect never lasted. And with every given time the only thing that got better was my tolerance to it. And then once the side effects outweigh its benefits, I realized I couldn’t live this way forever.

So, I stopped. And once I stopped my body refused to try at all. It grew so dependent that I sat in bed crying in agony. I truly hated myself. I felt weak, worthless, broken. I pulled out my computer and to my surprise there was no cure. So, I gave it to God. I prayed and prayed and even when he gave me small signs; I never actually was delivered. A few months later I decided to call someone I know for guidance.

Why it is all a matter of mindset

She asked me why I wanted to be delivered. I answered with “for my grades.” She then asked if my grades have any relation to my spiritual life or is it simply of the flesh. From there I decided to alter my mindset. The Lord says that we must walk every day doing only things that build us as Christian. So why would God deliver me just to support my life in the flesh? He wouldn’t and that’s when I asked myself, “what does this prevent me from doing as a Christian.”

That night dot connected one by one. As a Christian I want to help heal but can’t if I can’t listen. I needed to be able to remember people’s stories and their names. How could I walk as a disciple when it took me 3 months to remember the name of someone I talk to daily? And the more I listed the more I realized how much I am being held back from my purpose. I then realized that the curse isn’t to just cause suffering but to prevent spiritual growth.

So, I kept praying but nothing happened. I prayed, I asked, and I did research. In fact, this entire year I had gone through I had over 20 curses and powers I was freed from, but this one stayed. Every single thing ranging from OCD, insomnia, restless leg, anxiety disorder, depression, anorexia, all had been healed leaving only ADHD.

A brief deliverance of ADHD

And then one night at work I had a thought to get an Adderall. But I instantly rejected it and said I only need God. I then at work had racing thoughts and I had an impulsive thought. But this time I didn’t act upon it, and I said you won’t control me. And instantly the power vanished.

And let me tell you because not many do get to experience true deliverance; it is so powerful. First the thought vanished. I had 0 thoughts racing and I didn’t even have to try. It felt like something in my brain just finally decided to work.

And when I felt it, I knew instantly that ADHD isn’t a mental illness but a demon. It literally felt like 100 voices had died down into a peaceful silence. And finally, when they disappeared, I realized where I was. I had so much focus to give and so much drive. I went around talking to customers all night asking questions and engaging.

In fact, it was so powerful that I ran to the bathroom, kneel on the floor, and sobbed with my head dangling above the toilet. I got up with so much passion and begin thanking the Lord over and over and I denounce the ADHD, I did with ease. When I spoke, I spoke with confidence, my thoughts were gone, and I could organize the way I said things. It all flowed out perfectly, and no other thoughts interrupted.

And when I went inside all the focus begin to wander. I decided to finally speak up to my employee after years. I did it confidently, calmly, stern, and I was able to do the thing I was scared to do with ease. See I thought without ADHD I’d be boring, but I was actually attracting everything because of my extreme fascination with the world I had never had a chance to truly see.

I made some suggestion to the supervisor whom I was afraid to look at let alone speak to. Everything my brain had prevented me from doing before wasn’t scary it was freeing. And when I got home, I cleaned my bag all the way through staying on task. After everything I went to my room and worshipped. The only thought that entire night I couldn’t control was the song’s firm foundation, more specifically “he won’t fail me” and ‘rain came, wind blew, but I built my house on you.”

That day also made me realize that Adderall doesn’t even feel like what it feels like. Adderall causes obsessive thoughts and urges to be productive while I had no thoughts or urges and with ease could do it.

I woke up the next morning with the ADHD back. As frustrating as it is, I knew God was revealing he wants to heal me. And after I knew the feeling; I craved being healed. It didn’t affect one or two but every single component in my life.

Take-away

So, I write this to end this. God revealed all powers will be removed before 2025 and that 2025 will be greater than 8th. And I know the only way that could be true is through healing. I do because this year I have no time to mess around. This is the year between a teen and an adult. And this is my last year living at home. I will leave ADHD in 2024 along with all the other curses and bind that they never return.

So, if you are reading this and know someone or are someone who is enslaved to ADHD. Know that God can heal and wants to heal you. Take this time to find your purpose on earth for God. And after figuring out how ADHD is sabotaging it. Create your own personal prayer, fast, do whatever but never give up. ADHD meds are not a remedy but instead a temporary pill that leaves you addicted. Don’t let it consume you.

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