Learning To Trust God

Trusting in God. People say they trust in God. When you ask them, they respond very quickly and say oh yes, I trust God for everything. I believe that people trust God for certain things sometimes small things and sometimes big things.

I also believe that somethings or situations have been present in a person’s life for so long that people give up on trusting God in that situation. They have prayed, cried out to God, fasted from entertainment, water fasted, gone to every church service, try to change their behavior to be a better Christian, tithed, given bigger offerings, volunteer to help Gods kingdom, cried and prayed cried and prayed and cried some more. But most of all everything they did, they did with genuine love for Christ. He has delivered them from many things, many prayers were answered quickly so many blessings given.

So you ask yourself and the Lord why then don’t you deliver me from this thing that has been in my life for so long. For example, like a sickness. It could be many other things that you could replace it with, but I am using sickness because that has been what I can relate to. I myself suffered secretly with a sickness that caused my ovaries to be in so much pain, but I suffered 2 years before I came to Christ, and that was one of the reasons I came to Christ. Was for healing. I tried doctors, medication, holistic doctors and still nothing. Nobody even had a real diagnosis.

But me being in the medical field and knowing the symptoms I had an idea what it was. That still didn’t help me either I was always in horrible to mild pain and I just felt humiliated inside. After 2 years of suffering, I gave my life to Christ, and it would get better but not completely healed. So three years into my walk with the Lord it was up and down. Sometimes it was better and sometimes it was horrible.

I had gotten so used to being in pain and hiding it that nobody ever really knew. I just kept it to myself because nobody believed me any way they just thought I was making things up. I am not that type of person. If I say I am in pain or if I say I need to go to an emergency room you must know that I feel like I am dying literally.

I almost hate hospitals and I really really don’t like going to doctors. I put my complete trust in them before and they messed me up some kinda good. But that’s just me. I am not saying that you don’t need hospitals and doctors because sometimes you do. I just have gotten along a lot of times better with the Lord.

After 3 more years of suffering and asking God to heal me and deliver me, after years of crying and suffering, taking herbal pills and pain medications, after fasting and praying, after reading and seeing testimony and testimonies of healing for others I asked God what am I doing wrong? I know you don’ enjoy seeing me suffer like this because things had gotten so bad that it was destroying my marriage and it did for a while.

Me and my husband actually separated. This was not the only reason but it played a big part. After trying everything in my power to help the situation that I was in with no success, I just broke down with shame and hurt. I didn’t feel like a woman. I felt like my womanhood had been stolen from me.

You see I come from a long line of controlling women, so I tend to try and control everything in my life too. But that was a part of my problem, God wanted me to trust him and allow him to be in control. I just couldn’t see what I was doing.

So I did an extreme fast and asked God to help me to trust him and to increase my faith in him. After the fast I decided I was no longer taking and pills for pain anymore that I was going to completely trust him for my healing, and he gave me the strength to trust him. Something that I was never able to do before because for me that was one of the hardest things I could ever do.

So when I stopped, Oh Lord the pain was horrible, but I prayed and told the Lord that I was going to trust him and not give in. I Am not going to lie I was a little scared, but I held onto his words of healing and recited them and believed in them. I told God that I would not give up on Him because He never gave up on me. Even when I didn’t deserve it.

The pain gradually day by day got better until there was none, and he set me free. All he wanted from me was to trust him in that. How much much time from suffering I could have saved if I would have realized this a few years ago.

Please, please no matter what you are going through, please don’t give up on God. Nothing is impossible for him, and I mean nothing. We just have to trust and believe. God has helped blessed me. Thank you, Lord.