I’ve made choices in life that, at the time, felt comforting—even enjoyable. But that comfort was always temporary. True joy and lasting peace? Only God can give that.
For a long time, I leaned on things of the world—hookah, weed, vaping, cigars—because I thought they brought peace. As a Christian, I struggled with this contradiction. These habits were my escape from stress. They were a distraction—but never a solution. I come from a Christian background shaped by different cultural values, and out of curiosity, I wanted to experience more. I wanted freedom, and I found myself surrounded by people who didn’t always have the best influence.
Some people who were with me in those moments may want to bring up my past. But I’m not hiding. I believe in owning my story. The Bible says:
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” —2 Corinthians 5:17
I know who I am—after God. I’ve always been intentional, even if it meant challenging myself by walking through difficult seasons. Sometimes I chose them. Other times, life just led me there.
Over the years, I’ve learned the truth of the verse:
“Do not be unequally yoked…” (2 Corinthians 6:14).
I’ve faced the consequences of unhealthy relationships and poor choices. I’ve also faced deep losses—my father, my brother, my aunt—and I’ve often felt the absence of a male figure in my life. But through all of that, I’ve come to know this: God is not just my Creator—He is my Father and Friend.
I live with hearing loss. And yes, there have been moments when people made hurtful comments like, “Are you deaf?” It stung. I’ve struggled to feel like I truly belonged—on either side. Too “worldly” for church. Too “churchy” for the world. Judged by both.
But God sees the whole picture.
When I cut my hair, I felt free. When I got my tattoos, I felt free. But freedom in Christ? That’s a freedom that goes deep into your soul. Growing up Christian doesn’t automatically mean you have a relationship with Jesus. I had to learn that the hard way.
I’ve been misunderstood, judged, and even betrayed. But through it all, God has never left me. I’ve loved deeply, and I’ve been hurt deeply. I’ve placed my faith in people who didn’t have the same heart for me. But I’ve learned—no human love compares to the love of Christ.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” —Psalm 34:18
I’ve broken God’s heart more than mine has been broken. I’ve wrestled with grief, pain, confusion, and fear. But today, I’m choosing to surrender. Fully. Even though the unknown scares me, I’m more afraid of living outside God’s will. I want His purpose more than my comfort.
At the end of the day, people will always have something to say. But I know one thing: Jesus loves me. His love is unchanging, unshakeable, and unconditional.
I’m done chasing temporary things. I’m done with trying to fit in when I was called to stand out. I pray that, by God’s grace, the old will truly pass away—and I’ll walk forward in the new.
If my story helps even one person feel seen, heard, or less alone, then it’s worth sharing.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” —Jeremiah 29:11
God isn’t done with me yet. I’m embracing the journey, and I’m rising—stronger, freer, and more peaceful than ever before.
Thanks for reading. If you feel led, share this with someone who may need it. And remember: judge not. Read with an open mind and heart.
