From the Darkness and into The Light

I am 24 years old and completed my dentistry and am practicing for the past 3 months…

I joined my college in 2008 in India and it was the first time I had stayed away from home. I had all the freedom to do as I pleased. I started dating a fellow classmate n it was the first time I had sex. And soon it started to be a regular affair. It did not mean anything to me. There were no feelings involved for me, but I still continued. After 6 months we split. I met a nice guy n we had a long-distance relationship. But everything seemed to be fine.

All this while I never prayed. I never read the bible. I never even mentioned God I believe on contemplation… Then when I reached internship, I met a senior colleague who I grew fond of soon and started to talk regularly to.

When I felt he had feelings for me I told him about my relationship which upset him. But I didn’t try to console him. Things went on. One night he called me up n told me about his broken family. How he longed for love and care. I felt sympathetic towards him and from then on was the beginning of an absolutely godless life.

I met him regularly. Cooked for him, did his assignments, his practical work, I went out with him, spent as much as possible time with him. This made me distant from my relation I was in. But it all changed when one night he said he wanted to have sex and I agreed. N it went on day after day night after night. I lost myself soo soo much. And then more followed days that I was tired and just wanted to sleep and refuse him sex he would get drunk and make havoc below my apartment. Fearing this I used to comply to everything.

He started threatening me into doing things. He stole family contacts from my cell phone. He started to influence me to drink. I was unhappy n in a dark place. I still did not seek God or ask for help.

One day I put my foot down. He came home that night and physically abused me. So much that I couldn’t go to college the next day. I was never treated that way before. I was a normal girl and my life had taken a horrific turn. I wanted out. Then it only got worse when I found out I am pregnant. I had a termination. It is one horrible and painfully lonely night I had in my life. I don’t wish that pain unto an enemy even.

After that I didn’t care anymore. I became numb. He understood I wasn’t gonna give in anymore and drifted away. After that I was alone.

Lonely. I met Someone else. Who didn’t ask for anything but only friendship. It became like a friends with benefits kind of a thing. For few months. I soon got done with college and left for home in about two weeks I realized my skin was changing and that I was getting rashes.

It seemed odd. I suddenly felt maybe I had a sexual disease. It increased and I couldn’t tell my parents. It would be almost earth shattering for them if it were to be a general disease. Until they saw the changes too.

I was soo soo scared. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. In fact, I couldn’t even swallow my food. When it further increased, I met a doc and he gave me a few meds which didn’t help. My parents made it a point to see a better doc.

It was the night before that decision that I for the first time in many years spoke to him. I asked God to help me. I sought him. I cried my heart out to bits. Never have I felt so scared, so lost, so broken. My sins became clear to me. I had done what was sinful in his eyes. He was angry at me and wanted me to understand at least now… I did most certainly did.

I cried my heart out all through nights. Day and night I asked for him mercy. I had asked him to forgive me not for myself but for the sake of my dear parents. Alas, the day of the appointment came. I was sure in my heart that God was with me.

I just couldn’t watch my parents worry about me anymore. It killed me inside. I was diagnosed with psoriasis.  Which is a skin disorder due to immunological defects. Never would a doc have seen a 23 year-old girl so happy with a diagnosis of a debilitating genetic skin disorder. I was overwhelmed at da fact that I wasn’t having a sexual disorder… I couldn’t thank God enough…

To this date I know he has worked a miracle that day for me. He heard my pleas, my cries. My prayer from my heart, my repentance. And he accepted it… I am much better now. The symptoms are less obvious.

But my God healed me is my firm and undetected belief. He heard me. I was his lost sheep, but he came back for me. He found me and saved me. And my only regret is I had to reach so far ahead in sinning to get back to him… I wish I knew of his love and mercy sooner. From that day on I have changed like I have never ever changed.