In the Dark

I didn’t have the best childhood, but I guess you could say it wasn’t the worst. I grew up with an older sister and a younger brother. We lived in what you would consider the ghetto in our small town, but it was the place that I learned to love as the years went by. Life with a single mother was pretty easy although for her it may not have been. We were on welfare after all. My mother was single until I was about the age of 7 when she met my step-father. The man that I loved, the man that wanted me to call him dad.

At first he seemed to be the perfect guy and like many others he turned out to be another one. An alcoholic that is. I’ll never forget the night he came into my room in the dark. It was like I was expecting it. I wanted to see what he would do so I tried to stay as still as possible and then it happened. He crossed the line. He was no longer the father I thought he was.

I blamed God for letting him touch me. I couldn’t understand how he could leave me when I needed him the most. God had abandoned me Not until later did I find out I was the one who left him.

As I grew up I turned to alcohol, drugs, and men. I was the author of sin. I know longer cared and I know longer loved. I was diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 18. It took me to many dark places, but it was an explanation for the life I was living. At least I thought it was.

Recently I ‘ve been really depressed so I turned to God and prayed. I’ve been praying and studying the bible a lot lately. I’ve left God many times when he’s been beside me the whole time. Today I prayed that I would see some kind of sign and I did. Tonight in a vision I saw angels and I saw the old me die. I was buried with my sins and today I am born again. I touched the hand of an angel and I felt the presence of God. It was so comforting. The best feeling ever. I hope to have many more visions to share. God found me. Now I am no longer in the dark.

One Response

  1. Caroline 4/28/2009

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