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I Was High on Meth. What Jesus Did for Me

I am a Jesus lover! He lives in me and guides me. I am not perfect. All my ways are not perfect. I do make mistakes. I try my best. I try not to worry. I quit drinking January 05,2007 I quit using drugs some where near the middle to end of Summer of 2006. I quit smoking cigarettes early 2007 around February.

God has been tugging at my heart since around the end of September of 2004. I started attending church regularly in January 2007. I got my own place! I love living by my own rules. I quit cussing somewhere in there and a few other things that I would rather not go into detail about.

I don’t like to be disrespected or criticized. It hurts. I used to hold in my feelings I used to have to lie to cover up JEALOUSY I am learning about the Christian faith. I feel that I get persecuted a lot. I need to be built up so that I can be strong.

I want a Christian family. I pray but not enough. I am hard on myself so it is hard for me to see God as a loving father. I am trying to have no fear. I go to college and make good grades. I want to love myself and love others more than anything! It affects my mind when people are mean to me and call me names. Sometimes for a short time (If I can notice it) other times the criticizing and mean words are believed and stored in my mind for a long time.

I love to read about Jesus. I like kind, caring, compassionate people. I am trying to overcome every bad evil thing in this world and am looking for friends who have the same interests. I am trying to understand the Bible. I am trying to believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and then he rose again. I am trying to believe in angels. I am trying to love my enemies. I am trying to keep my Spirit feeling good inside of my body. I am trying to get others to accept Christ and believe in him. I am accepting that there is more to believe in in this world. I try to love others even when they hurt me or persecute me or pick on me.

I am the type of girl that got picked on in High School. I have never had to many friends because I have always had a fear of people not liking me and such. I have a lot of fear. I own at least 10 bibles. I am into decorating my home with angels, crosses, things that have scripture on them, pics of Jesus face so that when I get discouraged all I have to do is look in any direction and see things that remind me of love, hope, comfort and all good things. I love myself more and more every day.

I am changing all of me (with Christ’s help) to be the best that I can be. More positive choices, thinking, and lifestyle. I am praying to become a better parent, because I feel that I need to hear from God about what children are and what they need to think positive and be at peace in this world (I am searching for that for myself as well) since he made them.

Anything that I have I always offer to others. I am becoming a better role model more and more every day and want to be a faithful Christian role model to my children and to this world. My past failures creep up in my mind and haunt me but when I find out what it is that is bothering me, I pray for it and God, and I change it to a more positive point of view. I was baptized with the Holy Spirit and fire on the exact same day that I had my last drink of alcohol.

I can still remember drinking and crying and getting on my knees because I relapsed and smoked a cigarette after 3 days! I am glad those drinking with crying days are over. I feel sorry for people who drink and I try to talk them out of liquor. I would help more people if I wasn’t afraid of them being mean to me, hitting me, talking about me.

I can admit my weaknesses because when I do, Christ moves in me and changes things for the better in me. Now you see me! Now you don’t! (said with smile and love) I want a Christian band. I can write music. I own a guitar and am going to learn how to play it soon. I want to take singing lessons then I want to write songs for people and God and sing them to them (play guitar to them and sing as well). I try to adjust to all the hate and crime in this world sometimes it is hard, but everyone needs love. I try to understand peoples viewpoints of crime and such, rather it be a criminal or a cop. All I can do is pray about it.

My desire is to follow the commandments of God. My desire is to follow Gods rules in this world. I am afraid of not being a good enough mother for my children. I am afraid of the courts telling me that I am unfit and cannot see my children. I am afraid of people sending people after me to harm me. I am afraid of evil Spirits.

I love it when people encourage me and tell me everything is okay. I love it when I am full of the Holy Spirit. I love the fire that I can feel in my chest. I love to watch people getting saved. I love watching miracles. I love poetry. I love being called mam I love feeling fear but doing the thing that I am afraid of anyways. I have difficulty sharing my emotions because I am in fear of being vulnerable, laughed at. there is a lot of fear, but I am willing to try to do it anyways.

I am afraid of people taking my words and twisting them in the court of law. I am afraid that the things that I do are not approved of by God. I have a whole new life. Christ has changed me. I want to be holy. I want to feel loved and accepted and adored. I want to feel special. I want to feel Christ Spirit all over my body.

I want for people to teach me about Jesus in love and compassion. I want a lot of friends. I want to be popular. I want to have a happy family. God makes me feel joy even at the weirdest times or shall I say: God gives me joy out of nowhere. I take EVERYTHING to heart. I am gentle and kind. I dont want to cry sad tears. I am lonely. My heart is broken. I am trying to grasp the bible. I need to be surrounded by good people who have a heart for Christ so that I can do the right things for myself, take care of my self better.

I need for love to surround me. I need to feel love everywhere. I want to be the type of person that can make conversation that is interesting and healthy with everyone I meet. I want to spread the word of Jesus to people who are willing. I want to make the unwilling …. willing to listen to the word of Jesus. I want to give hope and encouragement and love and all good things to those who are depressed, in prison, homeless, poor, and people in all other situations. I want to preach. I love God! I am a giver! I love to give! I love to cuddle! I love to be loved and adored! I love to be cared for!

I don’t do drugs! I don’t drink! I don’t take energy pills! I only want peace in this world. No drama. No arguing. Here is my testimony.This is my first time coming out. I have been trying to come out with my testimony for a while now. As, I get older more and more things will come to mind. I love you all. Don’t forget to tell me your story! Whether it be under my blog that is titled my testimony, under another blog of mine or through messaging. I would love to hear how Jesus came to people!!!! If you can relate to my story LET ME KNOW!!!NO matter how Jesus came into your life.

I am a young Christian who wants to know about all the different sudden or unsudden weird or unweird ways that Jesus comes into our lives and the Holy Spirit. Enjoy my story. It is my gift to you! WOW! I have God in my heart! That is amazing and shocking! I have the man who made this universe right here in my heart giving me all sorts of sensations in my heart and body and mind. Wow! HOW CAN I BELIEVE THAT??? I need more Christian friends, I know. I need a simpler bible to read, I know. All I know is that I have the Holy Spirit inside of me (AND I STILL HAVEN”T QUITE BELIEVED IN THAT REALITY) (AMAZINGLY….EVEN THOUGH I HAVE “SPIRITUAL” FEELINGS ALL OVER MY BODY) (THEY ARE WONDERFUL NEW FEELINGS THAT ARE AMAZING AND FEEL SO GOOD. HOW COULD I NOT BELIEVE IN GOD AFTER FEELING THESE HOLY SPIRIT FEELINGS?

So, my prayer is that everyone that reads this and is on my prayer list or I come into contact with or so on and so on will SAY YES JESUS I WILL FOLLOW YOU, when Jesus shows his face amazingly to them. That is what I did…. It was as if Jesus came to me, then I had a vision of him on the cross, I started crying and the person that I was around started yelling at me and such. I wonder to this day if it was an evil spirit in him, it had to have been. I guess God didn’t want me with him. Well, he got to witness all sorts of weird things in my life….At one point I thought that he was the one who gave me the Spirit feelings.

I pray that when you get these awesome but different feelings inside of your body that you will know that you KNOW that it is GOD and not any one around you. I speak of the Holy Spirit a lot because when it came to me I did not know what it was so I went into this weird phase in my life that did not make sense at all. It is embarrassing. But I will be open about what really happened to me since SEPTEMBER 2004. That is when I got fire feelings in my heart. They really are warm and feel cuddly like. Well, I thought that someone was trying to burn me down in the house that I was in. Sad but true.

I was on a drug though. But I had that holy spirit at the same time trying to figure out what it was. See, when I thought that someone was going to burn me down in a fire, that is when I ACTUALLY GOT THE HOLY SPIRIT!!! IT WAS WARM INSIDE ME. I WAS HIGH, I DID NOT KNOW WHAT IT WAS, I DONT REMEMBER DETAIL BY DETAIL. BUT THAT IS WHEN THE HOLY SPIRIT CAME INTO MY LIFE!!!! When I first believed in Jesus was October 2004. I was standing by the radio and then all of a sudden I started daydreaming (OR SOMETHING THAT I DON’T QUITE UNDERSTAND YET) (IT IS AMAZING HOW MANY THINGS IN THIS LIFE REALLY MEAN SOMETHING WHEN YOU HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT IN YOU) and I saw Jesus on the cross. I was crying because he died for my sins. It was so beautiful! Well, I got sent to the State Hospital. I was high when that happened too.

I can’t say that I got clean from drugs, energy pills, caffeine, cigarettes, cussing, and other things SUDDENLY. It took time. I am sober nowadays and I still have the Holy Spirit feelings and I ask Jesus for dreams about my future because it talks of stuff like that in the Holy Bible and I want to enjoy everything in this world that I can!

God puts thoughts into my head and the next day that same event happens. I feel like I am walking in deja vu a lot because I walk presently into things that I had “so called imagined 🙂 in my own mind” earlier that day or week (it even goes back to 10 years ago-things that I had daydreamed about and thought). That is neat.

Another gift that I have found, is the gift of speaking in tongues, I didn’t believe I had it at first, until people at church were laying hands on me and I started speaking it and they said that I was really speaking in tongues. See, doubt is not a good thing. With God all things are possible.

So, when people tell me I am crazy I start reading my bible and get assured by my heavenly father that I do have a good mind. Through Christ, I am a whole new person. See Scripture even says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! Is anything too hard for the LORD? Genesis 18:14 Follow the way of love. 1 Corinthians 14:1NIV There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18 And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children. Isaiah 54:13 Enlarge the understanding to know that you make all things new Revelation 21:5

What’s your story about Christ coming into your life? What is your story about your first time feeling the Holy Spirit? Did you know what it was? Was anyone around? Were you sober or intoxicated? Did you see a vision as you said Yes to Christ? What did you think when you felt that Holy Spirit fire inside of you? Did you think it was something on the outside like I did? Did you think that it was God or someone else saving you? Did people think that you were crazy? Do people still think you are crazy? Did anyone ever try to put you into a mental hospital because you all of a sudden started believing in Jesus? Did you stay in a daze of confusion like I did about the Holy Spirit? Did anyone tell you that you had mental disorders and such when deep down you knew that all you needed to know was more about Jesus (that is where I am). When you first became a Christian did you notice like I have that no one talks about the Holy Spirit like it should be talked about so others know?

Do you believe in Marriage restoration no matter what that God will restore a marriage if you believe? Do you still cuss and have the Holy Ghost? Do you have the Holy Ghost? What does the Holy Ghost feel like inside of you? What are your gifts? Do you need anyone to write songs for you in your ministries (I write)? Do you want to start a Christian band (I Do)?

Please feel free to e-mail me through Myspace or post on my blogs. I am a FRESH BABY CHRISTIAN. What advice would you give a new Christian like me? I am learning all about the Holy Ghost and the basics about Jesus. I have only been in Church for a year. Not knowing what the Holy Spirit was made me seem to have mental disorders and such!!!


  1. Pixie 2/21/2009
  2. rajadurai 2/26/2009
  3. Clara King 3/31/2009
  4. Nash 4/24/2009
  5. Natalie 12/20/2009
  6. Zoe_Selah 5/14/2011
  7. Denis 9/4/2019

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