God always spoke to me. The Holy Spirit warned me every single time when I was about to commit a sin, be it hatred, lies, or arrogance. I loved to blaspheme and still struggle with it today. I trusted people instead of God, told people about my worries instead of God. I ran to everyone when I had a problem, but not to God. I knew I was doing a lot wrong and still continued to sin because I thought I was already stuck in this routine and that God wouldn’t forgive me anyway.
And that’s the devil’s game. He makes you believe that God will turn his back on you and will not forgive you. I had a big problem because I confided my problems in the wrong person. I was accused of saying things about this person that I didn’t do. And because of my previous sins with blasphemy, no one believed me anymore. I am being threatened, they want to hit me, and I still didn’t have the courage to pray to God. And I knew too little of the word of God not to hold on to what was trying to influence me.
One day I was in a situation where I was very hurt because friendships were falling apart and I was just being used over and over again and then thrown away like dirt. Then a voice came into my head: “Pray and repent,” and I felt His presence. I prayed for the first time in MONTHS, I cried and hours passed like seconds where I talked to God, asked for forgiveness, and read the Bible. God still answered all my questions. It was unusual, very unusual.
The first 2 days I didn’t realize why this was happening to me. I still had this exploitation and egoism in my head. Why should God turn everything to good so easily when I can’t even get it in order to pray to Him? So my focus changed. I prayed for forgiveness. I asked God if He could wash away my sins and He did. He made me new.
I treated God as if He owed me everything. I made Him responsible for everything and treated Him like a servant, when He is God. I am the servant, I must be the servant to serve my God. In the end, I am glad that I was in the difficult situation because it allowed me to get to know God again. He took me in, and warmly. God doesn’t have to do anything. Yet He does everything for us. God has mercy on me. We are sinners and would never come to heaven through our deeds.
It is the grace that God has that brings us to heaven. Through God’s love and grace, we have a chance to come to heaven. God communicates with us, we should be more attentive. When I prayed, I came across the story of Hosea and Gomer, and I feel guilty that we break God’s heart every time we sin. Hatred is murder. We should always show humility. Pride will only lead us to the abyss.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be classy. Classy is the perfect word. God can give you everything but also take it away again. Remember that when something difficult comes your way, the solution is always God. You will find no way out without God. We are simple people. We can only think as far as a human can. God is God. He can do anything.
Trust is the key. Are you afraid that something will take too long or are you not patient when something happens? God literally created time. He controls time. If something is not meant to be, it has its reasons. That also helps me to trust God more. Already at the beginning of the bond, God promised me that everything will be alright again and that He will bless me.
