I Reached out for Help, No One Listened

My name is Alexia, and I am a recovered meth addict.

When I was fifteen years old, I had this “best friend”. She was like my sister. I trusted her. One day I went to hang out with her at the apartment she was staying at, and this is where it all began.

I walked in, I was only there for a few minutes, and she told me she had some rocks and asked me if I would do it with her. Me being delusional and fifteen years old I said okay. We went inside the bedroom and started snorting lines. It quickly went from snorting lines to shooting up. I was fifteen years old snorting lines and shooting meth. I started to get really depressed. Instead of turning to God, I ran from him.

It went from one rock lasting a few days to five in a day. From there not only was I heavily using meth, but I also started to drink. I started popping Xanax. I started doing molly. The devil had taken over my body. I was no longer myself.
I was on all of this from fifteen to sixteen years old. No one knew.

In the midst of me popping pills, shooting and snorting meth, popping molly, and drinking, I wanted to die. I could not take it anymore.

One day after school I went into my bedroom and grabbed a family sized bottle of ibuprofen, a few Xanax, and my drug bag. I took the Xanax, the entire bottle of ibuprofen, and did an entire bag of meth. I tried to kill myself.

I started to turn really bruised and black. I got so weak; I could barely move from my bed. I was scared but ready. I texted my mom told her I took an entire bottle of ibuprofen and all I received back is “What the **** is wrong with you!” Instead of me getting help I got yelled at. Even at the hospital by the cops. It made me feel alone and empty.

After we got home no one asked if I was okay. I got told I was being dramatic. No one heard my cries for help. No one heard me.

So, I continued using it. Except now it has gotten worse. I was now using, popping pills, mixing hard alcohol and cutting. I gave up. I gave up because when I tried reaching out for help, no one listened.

Christmas 2019 came around and this “best friend” introduced me to a guy. I was sixteen and he was thirty or close to it. We met up at the guy’s house. We did four baggies between three of us. Only one of us didn’t touch it. After that night I wanted out, but I didn’t know how to get out, so I continued.

I went back to this guy’s house again. Except this time dude convinced little sixteen-year-old me to have sexual intercourse. To this day I do not fully remember what happened that night.

Beginning of 2020 rolls around and I am still doing the same things. Only now on top of everything I was buying weed in the school bathroom and snorting at school. It was getting worse. I still had no support and no one there. I was still with this guy but after that last night I never went back over there. Shortly after I left him.

In May 2020 I realized that no one was going to help me. No one cared it seemed like. So, I tried to get off everything by myself. I got myself off of meth. At 16 years old I got myself off of meth. Do you know how much strength that takes? So much. I used all the strength that I had left in my body to get myself clean.

I got clean but I was still drinking. I quickly after turned to a human drug.

May 2020. I met a guy through Facebook. The devil himself.

I quickly put everything into that relationship trying to escape my own personal demons. As it turns out I was not escaping my demons, I was walking right into them.

I got cheated on probably thirty-five times in the very beginning of the relationship. He got on his hands and knees and cried so I thought he was sorry. I was sixteen. I fell for it every single time.

A few months in, I moved in with him. That is where my personal hell started. I got screamed at, yelled at, pushed, and held down. I got things thrown at me. Wherever I was standing when he got mad, he would hit the wall by my head, to scare me. I did not leave.

Fast forward to 2022. He would not stop cheating, and he was addicted to porn. He would not keep a job. But he did not want me getting one.

September of 2022, he told me if I married him, he would stop, that he would be better. So, I did it. At nineteen years old I married my worst nightmare.

A month or so goes by and he got a job on the riverboats. He was gone for fifty days, I think. I was at peace while he was gone but delusional.

When he came back, he quit the boats because he could not watch my every move that way. So, he decided we were moving to Mississippi.

It took a little bit but on May 13th, 2023, we moved to Mississippi. Worst decision of my life. I met amazing people, but it was terrible for my mental health. I no longer had an escape.

After getting there he immediately started making passes and flirting with any woman that came near. We barely had food; he would give his money away.

I got a job with my mother-in-law working on the chicken farm. We usually worked from 6:00 AM to 8:00 PM. A few months in around August things started to get really bad. His brother’s baby momma moved to Mississippi with his nephew. I took care of that baby almost the entire time they were in Mississippi.

In October, I let her, and the baby stay with us for about a week. The last night she stayed with us he got out of bed about 2 times every hour. I could feel in my stomach that something was wrong. When I got up the next morning I went to work for about an hour then got brought back home. When I walked in I had asked her if he bothered her at all getting up so much. When I asked her, she looked me dead in the eyes and smiled. She said he got on top of her, got up, gave the baby a kiss, and then came back to bed with me.

Right then and there I wanted to use it. But I did not, instead I turned back to alcohol. By the time December came I was ready to leave Mississippi.

We came back on December 23rd. I was home for maybe 4 weeks. His brother got out of prison. We moved in with him and random people. I started drinking again and this is when everything started to open my eyes.

I started to push him away. He noticed and accused me of sleeping with my brother-in-law, every single day. At night he would climb on top of me, I would tell him no and he would not move. He would hold my hands down on the bed, not letting me move. He would do his business and get off of me, roll over and go to sleep. I would be crying and he would tell me to be quiet and that he was trying to sleep. He raped me every night for over a month. An entire month. After that I finally got the strength and courage to leave him.

March 5th, 2024. I was free from him. But I was broken, mentally exhausted and extremely depressed.

It’s now November 19th. I found God. God found me. I cried. I prayed. I was on my knees begging God for help. He came to me. He brought me peace. God is helping me get through this.

I would not be the woman I am today without God. I would not be where I am today without God. I do not have a bunch of family backing me up. I have God and a handful of people.

I am a recovered meth addict. A rape survivor. An abuse survivor.

This is my story. This is my testimony.