Pray for Me: I May Never Be with another Man

Blessings to you all in the name of Jesus Christ.

I’m asking for those who read this to just keep me in your prayers.

I have a very long long story; but I will keep it short.

I married a man in 2009 and we had a child shortly thereafter. I found out that he had another woman pregnant at the same time as me, left me to go to Boston when my child was 6 months old (only to find out he was in a relationship with someone else), and had women in my apartment and my car. What’s worse, he had no green card, and I was going to help him, but he didn’t help me at all with our daughter, and told the other women that he was married to me for only that reason. My heart was severely damaged, because I did love this man.

4 years later.

I was divorced, with my four year old, alone. But I was extremely happy. I was traveling all over the world, meeting new people and reconnecting with old ones, and I was in graduate school. Of course, I wanted to get married again to that special someone, and I felt ready to do so. However, I made sure I wouldn’t settle for less. I dated here and there, but any red flag I was out the door. I wasn’t necessarily picky, but I knew the man I was looking for.

I met the man of my dreams. He was caring, kind, loved my daughter, took me out, did things for me no man has ever done for me before. Above all, he was like my best friend. I was able to talk to him about anything and everything. He told me right off the bat that he wasn’t looking for a fling, and he was serious. And so was I. We had the same dreams and ambitions. I told him of my past and my fears of being with another man. He shared the same fears being that he was hurt in a long-term relationship as well. He told me he didn’t understand how my ex could treat a good woman like myself so wrongly, and assured me that he was nothing like him. And I believed him. Even my friends and family loved him, and saw a major difference between him and my ex-husband. I knew that this was the one I wanted to settle down with.

6 months into the relationship, I got pregnant. I was very unhappy about this because I thought it was way too soon and I was in school at the time. He was upset that I was upset about it; it seemed as though he was very happy about the pregnancy. I decided to continue with the pregnancy.

Shortly after my second daughter was born, I began to notice that he became very distant. Christmas, thanksgiving, and new years, he wasn’t around (he says he is in the military; so he told me he had a “mission”). Then I began to notice that he became very secretive, and he kept posting pictures of a blue-eyed child that he claimed to be his niece on his facebook. He told me from the beginning that he had no kids, so I assumed our daughter was his first child. However, he never posted any pictures of my daughter, but ALWAYS of this “niece” of his.

So now, recently in July, I discovered that a woman (still unclear as to whether they were together or not at the time) was pregnant for him before we got together. This “niece” is his daughter, and is 10 months older than my child. He recently lied to me and went to St. Lucia to see this woman and the child (I’m sure he’s seen her plenty of times before that), and I discovered the woman’s page and seen numerous pictures of him and her together, kissing and hugging and all that. He even went as far as to post pictures of her; he’s never posted a picture of me, much less his second child.

I’ve been trying to get the truth out of him, and still he won’t give me any answers. I was almost at a point of a mental breakdown, because I feel as though I put myself in this situation all over again. Now I’m alone with two children to raise on my own. I was raised in a single parent home, and I saw the way my mom struggled by herself to take care of the 4 of us with no help. She’s a strong woman and we all turned out pretty good, but I personally didn’t want that life for myself. I wanted my kids to experience what I never had.

Once again, I’ve helped him in so many ways and gave him my all in all, but I realize now that he was just taking advantage of me. I promised myself I would never put myself through this ever again, and here I am today. I have been asking God over and over why me? But I know my relationship with Jesus hasn’t been right for years, and I need to work on that. I just ask that whomever reads this just pray for me and my relationship with GOD.

I know I cannot go back to this man; I may never be with another man after this. But honestly, I don’t want to have a negative outlook on men. I have to look to God and look within myself. I know there are good, decent men out there. But I know that my relationship with God HAS to change in order for me to move on and be TRULY happy. I need all the prayers I can get. Thanks for reading.

-My testimony