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I Loathed My Life

I’m in a very difficult season of my life. I refer to it as the Job season because I feel like I’m constantly getting tested for my faith in Jesus. I’m so tired and there have been several times when I’ve said I’ve lost hope and that I hated my life. When Job was getting tested several times, he loathed his life and felt his life had no hope (Job 7 & 10). This is exactly how I’ve been feeling.

I’m a first-year college student and it’s my first time being in the US and living independently. I struggled the moment I moved into my dorm. I continued to struggle until this point in my life. I loathed my life and sometimes, I still do, like Job. I would feel tired of getting tested. My faith in Jesus surely went up and down; it was rocky ever since I came. I’ve always felt my life had no meaning, no hope. I feel like everything is being stripped away from me. It hurts and there’s too much pain.

Even though Job was being tested for this faith, he still chose to hope in God (Job 13). His friends were basically telling him that he shouldn’t have faith in God because look at what’s happening to him. I really admired Job for what he went through. It feels like I’m having a Job moment/season because my faith is constantly being tested and there’s been so much pain that I’ve been telling God that I hate my life and I’m tired.

My take on this season of my life is that even though all of these scary, bad things are happening to me, I will still hope in God.


Because I have absolutely no reason to blame Him or be angry with Him. My faith is in Him and not the enemy. I’m trying to stop telling God that I hate my life because that’s what the enemy wants me to say. He wants me to tell God that He made a mistake putting me in this world. He wants me to yell at God and blame Him. But I have no reason to. If I did, the enemy would win over me. I would be his slave. But I’d rather be a slave of Jesus.

I do my best to pray to God and stay close to Him. I just felt like sharing this to somebody. If you’re reading this, I’m praying for you. Jesus loves you and I do too. Talk to Him every day about anything because it’s making the enemy work harder to get you separated from the Almighty. I’m proud of you for getting this far. 🙂


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