Where do I start…? I had just graduated high school (c/o 17) and got into the college that made both me and my parents happy! We had prayed and wrote the vision so we knew I was definitely going to get accepted.
Fast forward to when I finally moved on campus and starting experiencing mild depression from being away from my parents. I saw a bunch of couples on campus and I started feeling like “If others are in a relationship, why don’t I go ahead and try to pursue one?” The friends that I had were sleeping around doing things with different dudes almost every other day and I wasn’t into that. At the time I was sustaining from sex and my friends use to go get tested and I had nothing to worry about because I wasn’t active I was in ROTC so I had nothing to worry about or so I thought.
Fast forward to me meeting a friend who was a friend of somebody in my friend group. I thought he was very cute and I could tell from his physique that he played sports and he was very much so in shape. I could also tell he took good care of himself which made things even more better… but as they say never judge a book by it’s cover.
We start getting to know each other after a mutual friend hooks us up and we instantly connect. I always think to myself only if I would have pursued someone else or if I would have just not been so excited to be in a relationship after so long that things would have been different. But to go on with my backstory. We connect, we start spending a lot of time together as a group at first, then we start spending some alone time together and after 1-3 months we partake in sexual intercourse protected each time, so I didn’t feel as if I had anything to worry about because we were protected, right?
He gave me oral and I honestly believe that’s where everything started. I know my birthday was in October of 2017 and I ended up having a feeling of discomfort around February 2018 and I knew exactly what it was after doing endless amounts of research, I cried and I prayed. He even cried and prayed once I notified him of everything that was going on I felt as if my life was ruined.
I felt like nobody would ever love me, I would be single forever, no children, no future, no nothing. I ended up going to a few doctors to try and be seen, but their prices were just too extreme, so I ended up contacting my mom after endless days and nights of depression, not going to class and pain. I was to the point that my faith was almost extinct. How could this happen to me, out of all people?
We worked out as a couple and we even went to church as a couple, so what did I do so wrong I would ask myself. I know now that it was me feeding into my flesh, I didn’t need a boyfriend, it was something I wanted, but I ended up coming home and went to the doctor to get my diagnostic and she told me then and there…
“You have herpes.”
I never in my life thought I would hear those words especially regarding my health. My mom said “that can’t be true test her.” And they did just that and the results came back. “Negative” but she made it known that “although this test came back negative, its a possibility you have it.”
I spent days trying to figure out my next step, I was so kind hearted I didn’t want to be mean to him despite what took place between us, so I kept him around feeling as if “We both have it now so we might as well be together.”
I was so wrong. His grades ended up dropping and he ended up not returning to college and we eventually broke up. I have been looking for ways to get this off my chest and I am blessed to have come across this website.
I am now in a relationship with a guy, and he recently gave me a promise ring and he plans on proposing once he gets back from basic after this COVID-19 clears up, but I know I won’t be able to fully give myself to him until I am able to receive my salvation, healing and deliverance. I know by his stripes I am healed. I have been writing in my prayer journal non-stop. I lost faith last year, but I KNOW God is able. I AM HEALED!
Thank you for reading, please send your war angles and just cover me from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet. My next test will be negative so I can move on from this hurt in Jesus name! Amen