I Knew My Prayer Was Heard

My turning to God experience started about a year and a half ago. I was fresh out of a long-term relationship, sort of starting over on my own in the world. I had just moved into a new apartment that I really liked and was grateful for. Just prior to getting the apartment I had experienced a few months of homelessness.

My son fortunately had the presence of mind to turn to God and ask for help before I even did. He told me he said a prayer to God for the first time in his young life that we wouldn’t be homeless anymore and within a day or two God secured the perfect place for us. My little house by the beach. God was already starting to move mountains in my life before I even decided to say a prayer myself.

I was feeling a lot of things such as pressure to get a new job, loneliness, a bit of despair and wondering who I was anymore now that I was no longer the other half of a couple. I was not practicing an active prayer life, but I had recently started reading The New Testament and was trying to walk in the world in a different way. I was attempting to do this by not being so assuming and trying not to worry too much or be gossiping about anybody.

Once in the new apartment I felt very depressed and was almost verging on having a suicidal thought go through my head. That really scared me, and I started thinking that maybe I was in a real crisis here that maybe I should reach out to somebody about. I wasn’t sure about who to even divulge my worries to. I felt like I was looking for something but wasn’t quite sure what that something was.

I was about to start down a path of self-discovery or rediscovery, and it seemed overwhelming. It wasn’t a very comfortable place to sit but I didn’t know where to move to or how.

There I was, sitting in my bedroom, feeling lost, alone, scared, hesitant, anxious, staring at stacks of unpacked boxes that held the contents of my room. The idea of choosing a box to unpack seemed almost too big of a hurdle to overcome. Normally I would have quickly picked a box and with muscle and focus set my mind to the task at hand, but that day felt different.

I was afraid I was slipping into a place that was too close to despair and became misty eyed as I wallowed there for some minutes. I decided I really needed some help or guidance or comfort and started to formulate a plan to say a desperate prayer to God.

Before I thought to speak my prayer words, I felt the desire to make sure I was a bit more composed and in control of my emotions. It felt important to me to make sure I was being sincere. I hadn’t really said very many prayers during my life, and I took a few minutes to reflect on how I thought I might like my attempt at speaking honest, sincere words directly to God to look like, to sound like, to feel like.

I decided I would lay it all on the table, all of myself, give it all up to God. All my worries, all my insecurities, all my questions, all my wordly things. I thought I would do this by loving God more than I loved anything here.

I wasn’t sure at first just how I would accomplish this or even if I could. I had friends and family that I loved dearly and was not sure if I could love God more than them. One of the reasons was because I had never before attempted to do that so I didn’t know if I could. Even if I thought I could I knew that God would be the judge of that.

A few minutes of intense contemplation passed by and then I knelt down by my window and just started speaking. Part of my prayer included the words, Lord, God, if I can’t see what is right in front of me, please give me new eyes to see and new eyes to hear. Almost before the words had even finished being spoken, I felt the divine hand of Gods power touch me and lift me up. I was in awe and amazement as I had not really expected an immediate answer or really any answer at all. I was hopeful for one but had no expectations of a specific answer.

As I knelt there, my eyes widened, and I was at a loss for words. I sat on the floor of my room in a sort of stunned silence as an awareness, a brightness, a lightness, a sense of movement, of something almost alive washed over me and through me.

I cried. I knew in an instant that my prayer was heard and that I had received an answer by way of receiving the Holy Spirit. Now I was in a place, existing, a familiar place that was also now somewhere new and unfamiliar. A place with just a bunch of souls walking around down here.

Over the next few weeks my creativity seemed to blossom like never before and I couldn’t seem to put the pen down as it flowed out of me and on to the paper. Story ideas song ideas, ideas about ideas were flowing from me, from the Holy Spirit and making themselves manifest in the world and I thought it a wondrous thing.

In some ways I felt foolish for having felt so lost and alone in the world only a few weeks prior. I was never alone I only thought I was. I tried to think of some way I could pay it forward and let God’s gift of the Spirit shine forth from me in order to spread a little more love in the world. Something for others to discover or be led to that might help them in their spiritual journey. Especially anyone that may be feeling lost and alone in the world like I was.

Every day since I try to keep my mind on God and am grateful to God for deciding to acknowledge me in big ways and small and try to keep faith even when I am having a tough day. I am eager to see God’s plan for me unfold moment by moment.

As you are coming to the close of my testimony, please know that you are never alone. Never. Its right there in front of you. You are looking right at it. At the wonder and the mystery and love that God has for you. It is yours for the taking. A gift given. A love bestowed. All you have to do is ask. Someone is listening. God is listening. God heard me; he will hear you.

Also, because everyone is special to God and God desires that every single one of us that walk the earth make an effort, have a desire, experience a longing to connect with him in order to fulfill that part of us that longs for discourse and relationship with our Heavenly Father.