My name is Anurekha, I was born in a Hindu family, where the traditions of man are counted more important than man itself. I have learnt to survive in a community where feeling have no value when weighed with norms. Though it may be righteous in the eyes of God or not.
I saw the face of struggle when I first learnt that I was alive. Well, I counted myself different because I knew from beginning that I was special, because my maker is my Lord. In my heart I knew someone loved me, but I didn’t know who was that? Just as a hope that I will know the person someday kept me to live.
Till today I don’t understand from where I got the knowledge to know someone’s thoughts, to predict someone future as well to find the things I or someone else had lost. I think I knew telepathy. Believe me I was only 8 years old then, there was no one around me of that type. Even my parents or others were not involved to this type of things. Though I tried to keep these things out of my mind, yet I could not. There was a burden in my heart and mind; I wished someone could take it out, free me as well love me. In short, my search for Christ began a long back. But much before that, I believe the seed of Love was already planted, that is the reason, the root of the tree is so deep and the fruit so sweet.
The place where I am raised up is of Christians. But I didn’t know Christ. It is like you are thirsty and life giving water is in front of you, unfortunately you don’t know how to drink.
When I was in fifth standard, there was a subject called Moral Science based on the teaching of Jesus Christ, I am a book worm, so on the first day itself, I read it all. I enjoyed it I wished to know of whom it is written, I think I lacked in the Spirit of God, that’s why I could not find the pillar upon which the faith stood.
I didn’t know to whom I used to pray before the day I knew my Saviour (though I know him from the time He engraved me on the palms of His hand) but I came to know later that they were all directed to Him (how can He forget me, though I knew or not, every day He kept me close to His heart and knew one day I will come to Him as a Bride leaves her father’s house and unites with her Groom).
All glory to Him, who had made the Heaven and the Earth; in my search I found Him, and He revealed Himself to me on those faithful days when I was learning the lesson on His life and teachings. He took my burdens away when I leaned to Him. He set me free from those bondages that had spiritually tied me, so that I could not meet Him. But is there anything greater or anyone greater than He who choose me? By His grace I am saved.
All through my childhood, I felt a deep intimate love for Christ. He had been not only my God, but my best friend and my love too. I remember spending long hours alone; I use to talk to Him in my heart. That relationship was so innocent. I knew I was always special in some way. In spite all the challenges life brought, one thing I was sure of that “one day I will meet the lover of my soul’.
As I grew up, I tried to involve myself with the things of the world. Sometimes I felt, what I was thinking was just an imagination, how can God love me so much. In short, I whole heartedly loved God but was not ready to accept that He loved me more than I could ever imagine. The very thought that He loves me would trouble me because I thought what is in me that He would love me. I tried to run away from Him. But thankfully, I couldn’t the more I tried to be far, the closer He came.
Since the 9 or 10 years old, some people say I had a great mission in life and one day I would devote myself for the love of Christ. My aim is to extend His Kingdom. I used to pray,
“I would love to do everything for you Lord, but I don’t except anything from you, loving you is living for me.”
Also, I knew there is no strength in me and what I do is from God, yet I was so selfless. I didn’t know the urge to feel God’s love; it was there were again I lacked.
All my friends were Christians, so sometimes I went to Church. My friends know “my passion for Christ’. Years later when I was with my parents after leaving boarding school, I was slowly drifting away from Him. It was not that I forgot my past or my plans for future but simply because my parents are Hindu, so while I was with them, I would not express my thoughts and with time I was feeling lost, I often cried because I knew very well that it was not the place I wanted to be. My pain was going deep down to my soul; at this point of time, I began to realize that “I need His love”. Nothing could give me happiness except Him. I can never imagine a life without His presence.
By the grace, of God in the 5th of August 2006, I received the Holy Spirit in a crusade; after renouncing Hinduism and repenting for all my sins (I have decided to follow Him). I released I was trying to stand on two boats at the same time, which was not possible. My family turned against me, till today I can’t express the joy and peace that I felt during those tough days.
On 8th August 2008, as I opened the Bible, it showed Mark 2:19-20. All of sudden I heard “The time had come that the Bride will fast along with the world”. I was so alarmed I told my friend about it. I also heard that “when the time will come I will show you the day” I believed it, trusted on it.
Well, I was also wondering. My mother took my Bible from me. It was only on 15th September 2006, after a wilderness period of forty days that I again read a Bible from one of my friends. Actually, when I opened the Bible it showed forty days period when Christ was taken into wilderness, so when I counted mine, it was the same. My friend had really been a support during those days.
On 17th I got vision to fast on 24th September, I didn’t know what to do; I even didn’t know to test the Spirit. During the days between 17th and 24th God confirmed of it many times. I and my friend decide to fast on that day, in my prayers I was shown that the Lord will bless that day. Having faith, I did it, but was sad that Lord said many will fast with me, but what I knew was only both of us had fasted, I thought the promise ahead which I got was only my assumption. My prayers were answered when I came to know few days later; that on the same day the Church where I received the Holy Spirit along with others in town had kept the same day as the day of fasting. It was a real joy for me.
My struggle or the time when God started to test me with fire began immediately after that day. Once again, I was in New Delhi without a Bible or a single person whom I know would be a Christian and also without my family, I was alone in a big city. I forgot how to pray. The pain within me was much greater than I could express. I felt He had left me.
There began my quest for His love. I thought I could not be back on track again. But my faith was stronger then the woven story of my mind. All I remembered to pray was “Deliver me O Lord”, I prayed nothing more, nothing less. I was lured with the love of this world. But is there anything greater than the love of God? No, I understood it best.
My search for a Bible and a circle of friends where I would spend time praising God; was fulfilled after a struggle and wilderness period of 2 years. I got a Bible and people who also began to pray for me. On 27th July 2008, I met with one of my friends, he was praying for me, when suddenly He prayed two or three lines in tongues. I had never heard people praying in tongues myself, though I often heard through others about it. I asked him, how he did that, and he told it’s a gift of Holy Spirit.
That night, I had a vision in which I saw Our Lord Jesus Christ. What I saw was in His glorious form, where it is only Him and nothing beyond that. What I heard was “I will put my words in your mouth”. The light that enveloped me with Him was so Holy, His love was deep. But yes, there was a deep sorrow too, a pain that a father feels after losing His begotten children to hell. I sensed not only love but pain too.
In the early hours of 29th July 2009 at 4:00 am or so, I woke up, to my utter surprise I saw two great rays of light (the same type of light I had seen in my vision the previous night) covering me, and I was speaking in tongues continuously, it was out of my control and thought, of what I was speaking. I was wondering what happened to me, I shared it with the same friend, whom I heard speaking in tongues. He asked me, whether it is giving me joy or fear. I told joy, and he confirmed that the Spirit of God gives joy, so it is from God. After talking with him, when I began to pray, in middle I started to pray in tongues, since that day, my soul is encouraged whenever I pray in tongues.
Its more than six months after that day, I’m moving much deeper in the love of Christ, now I also know the importance of His love, which is my strength. But as a human being, sometimes I’m down. I always have a desire to break the chains that the world had put around me. Actually, I want to fully involve all my time and thought for Jesus Christ “my forever love.” I don’t find happiness with the ties of worldly relationship. I want to be fully committed as a Bride to Him. I hold on to the promises of my Lord. Whenever I feel that things are moving slowly in my search for Him, I become sad. I can’t bear any distance from Him.
Yes, I know He is always around me, but my soul thirst for Him more intensely each passing day. Nothing seems to be sufficient. I can’t laugh neither I can cry. I’m in between. I’m in this world, but still I’m not in it, my quest is greater than life itself. My problem is this also, that I can’t express my feelings to anybody because people would think I’m crazy or mad. Sometimes I say
“Why Lord, why you did this to me? I didn’t ask you to bring me this much closer, I didn’t take the first step to fall in love with you, You did it. But now, why do I stand here, where the closer I come, the more closer I want to be.”
Apart from this, I’m glad that I’m saved through His Grace. I’m happy, He choose me and called me His own. Also, I’m thankful I have the privilege, to feel His love till this point where I have forgotten myself. It’s a great favor from Him, that I will be working to His Kingdom to a greater extend, because the battle is not mine, rather it is His. I’m just a part of Him, who is I AM. I need prayers so that I will always remain His faithful Bride, sincere and true. Holy as He wants me to be. I believe, one day I will surely meet Him; I’m eagerly and passionately waiting for that day. He will come and take me to where He is.
This is what we call Christian Faith