Last year, when I was 15, I felt that I could never be forgiven. I felt unlovable. I had done some terrible things and thought that I could never be trusted by myself or anyone again.
My parents took me to counseling with my pastor and the first thing that he said to me when I walked into his office was this,
“I’m not mad at you and I’m not going to judge you because that’s not my job, I love you just the same as I did before you did what you did.”
That’s when God showed me his grace and mercy. I went home after that in tears and cried out to God. I couldn’t sleep because I didn’t feel worthy of anything. Instead, I just stayed up and cried and cried. God then spoke to me saying this,
“My child, why are you crying? Have I not forgiven you? Who are you to not forgive yourself when I have? Be at peace and rest.”
I stopped crying almost immediately and laid down in bed thinking about what he had just revealed to me. I had an overwhelming sense of peace after I had forgiven myself. Since then, I have learned to listen more closely to what God has to tell me.
Allyssa, that’s a wonderful testimony to God’s forgiveness and it reminds me of this scripture in Psalm 103:12:
Thank you so much!
Thanks for sharing this very impactful testimony. As short as it was it establishes a fundamental Christian principle – unconditional love availed us because of Calvary. Please look for this prayer and study it- FATHER OF TRUTH prayer, courtesy of the Maronite Christians. Shalom.
Thank you so much Godwin, Shalom.
Hi Allyssa, pls have you gone through the prayer I suggested?
Yes, I have.
Ok, good. That prayer changed and it's still changing my life. It made the sacrifice of the cross and it's benefits very clear to me. Your testimony fits into this.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful testimony. I think I am also at that stage in my life. I did that which I have told the lord I will not do it again. I have indulged in my former sin that is so addictive, I have prayed about it but I still have that feeling that he is angry with me and will allow my worst nightmare come upon me.
Please remember me in your prayers and help me plead for his mercy. I have been asking him to totally deliver me from the spirit of lust, after hearing of how God totally delivered them from the spirit of lust, pornography and masturbation. It has been a while since I felt for the sin, but the urge usually comes strongly sometimes that make me wonder if I can be permanently delivered from this sin. So I have finally fallen for the same sin I have not been a victim for a while. I don’t know but somehow my spirit keeps on telling me, God is angry with me and will punish me severely for it, but I have been asking him to deliver me completely and he yet to do that.
Please I need prayers and advice at the moment. I no longer have the good dreams I used to had like the former times and something keep on telling me God has totally find me unworthy and has decided to give it to another. I want to know the possibility of this happening. I assure you I will come back with my testimony on this platform. I have a lot to share with God’s people on this space, but for now I am also at the stage that I think God is silent about my issue.
Dear Innocent, I’m only a high school teen but I know what it feels like to be caught up in sin and still feeling like you’re unworthy. The truth is though that God’s love is unconditional. Nothing can separate us from his love. I didn’t go into much detail about my sin in my testimony because I’m still ashamed of it. I was a victim of creating pornography. I was threatened and scared into doing it on an online website. But just because I’m still ashamed of it doesn’t mean that God loves me any less. The same goes for you. No matter what it is that you have done, God already knows. We can’t hide from his love. Repenting from your sin is the best decision that you could make. We are only human and we will still stumble and fall, but God is so much bigger and he is strong enough to pick us back up again and carry us. I’m so glad that my testimony has helped you. Be encouraged my friend. God still has great plans for you. He’s not done with you yet. I will of course be praying for you and that God will give you the strength and the courage that you need to do his will. Please keep me in the loop. I can’t wait to see what God has for you!!
We prayed for you, Innocent. If you’ve changed your mind about the former sin (it sounds like you have repented) and confessed it to God – Remember 1 John 1:9 promises (and God cannot lie):
Then you can accept and rest in His forgiveness. He doesn’t hold grudges against his children. I like Psalm 103:12 that says, “as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”
So once forgiven, we move on and walk in the Spirit, relying on his strength to kill off the lusts of the flesh. Check out Galatians 5:16,
These are good scriptures to memorize and repeat when under attacked.
There are other things you can do as well: block bad content in your phone – things that cause you go into temptation, find a strong bible believer in your church to be accountable to and help/disciple you, and just connect with a group of fellow believers of the same sex and develop great friendships – they need what God has given you as well!
Thank you Allyssa and Innocent for your frankness which has encouraged me to say- I have been struggling with porn and masturbation on and off since 2019!! Until last February that I came to understand God’s unconditional love and forgiveness, I lived in perpetual torment of guilt which immobilized me in my relationship with God as I also believed God was out to punish me. Consequently I started having nightmares and feelings of unworthiness.
While I know sin has consequences as I haven’t lived above porn addiction and masturbation for some years, I’m no longer bound by them even though I don’t excuse them in my life.
I’m on a journey of complete deliverance and restoration as daily I try to fight the triggers. Some days I succeed and some days I don’t.
Last month, I had a dream where I was telling the devil that he couldn’t touch me because of Jesus’ sacrifice on Calvary. I didn’t see him but he was speaking to me from a hole in the wall. I was so confident I out talked him and didn’t let him speak further after he had been trying to accuse me.
So I also crave your prayers.
Thank you all.
Godwin, you have encouraged me through the prayer that you told me about. I am so glad that I could return the favor. It’s the least I could do! I appreciate you sharing your experience and I pray that God gives the deliverance and restoration that you need. I’m pretty much always available to talk so if you need anything, please, let me know. I am constantly thinking about things that I should be praying for and I am happy to pray for anything that you need. Please keep in touch!!
Thanks very much Allyssa. I’m glad that prayer helped you. It did wonders for me. It simplified Romans 5 to me and I still pray it in full or in parts everyday.
I would really like to keep discussing with you- I need someone who understands this environment to be accountable to and pray for me and for each other if you don’t mind. I don’t know if it will violate this community guidelines, I would have shared my contacts with you.
Can we find out?
Thanks
Feel free to post contact info in the comments and if you don’t want it to remain there, we can try and delete it (just post something like “admin please delete” or something like that). This is not really a policy but more of an experiment for the future as we grow with more conversations happening. Of course, we’re not responsible for anything that happens off the site and, be cautious and use wisdom 🙂
Much appreciated Emory! Would you mind if I keep in touch with you also? I tend to have what my pastor calls “desert seasons” where I don’t feel God’s presence and I just feel alone. I go into dark places when those seasons come and I really need someone to talk to in those times.
Allyssa, yes, I’m always in the comments here on the site but you can contact Suzana or me via the site email here: https://testimonyshare.com/contact/. Also, promise me that you will let your parents/pastor know if you’re contacting people 🙂
Of course. And if we can’t then we can still try to keep in touch here. I don’t have any type of social media, just email though.
I’m really happy about your decision. you know that is the same reason I ignored all my social media handles, they don’t really trigger my temptation, but the somehow contribute. And I thought it wise to let go whatsoever enjoyment, friends ambition pleasure and let God. It is not really easy, it has been a while since I had from a lot of my friends on social media, classmates… but deep within me I know there is something I need that is more than life itself that is God, because he is the giver of life and I know for a surety with him I need nothing. So am praying for his grace to help me let go anything that will hinder his full manifestation in my life.
I’m really happy that you have such a great goal. I pray the Lord give you the grace that you need to become his vessel. And please don’t look down on yourself God is in nowhere limited by our age when it comes to fulfilling his will. you are well able, if it is his will that you will start invading the nations with his gospel then no one can stop that, no barrier including your age can stop his manifestation. I’m quite young too but I never doubt what God can do with and through my life.
Just that I’m currently in a situation your pastor referred to as “Desert period. ” God seems to be silent, he seems to be far away, he no longer speaking or showing me something about the present nor future.
I also need your prayers that God should give the grace I need, it is not easy actually.
Shalom.
Ok, here is my email – witnessid668 at gmail dot com
Thank you Mr Emory for your remembering me in your prayers, it really means a lot and I don’t take for granted. And also, my sister Allyssa your words came at the exact time needed, I’m encouraged. And to my brother Godwin I also check out the prayer you recommended to Allyssa, it is really a powerful prayer. I will also recommend Romans chapter 8. It is a powerful scripture that is really helping me, you can check out and I pray it will also minister to you too. The Lord is your strength. I am also available in case you need my contact, even though I am not social media handle, but I have an email address. I will also be praying for you guys, God bless you.
Innocent, I don’t get called “sister” a lot except by my family as I am a sister. I don’t even truly know you, but I am so glad that you have called me your sister. I am proud to be your sister. I am glad that my words were able to encourage you. My calling from God himself is for missions and right now as a high school kid I can’t do a whole lot, but I can share his love and his word. Later in life I hope to travel around the world to share it but for now this is what I want to do. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.
Thank you Innocent for your kind words and I m happy that prayer helped you too. The whole of Romans is a great revelation on the Christian message but sometimes the explanations become too ‘technical’ for me. That Father of Truth prayer gave me all I needed because it proceeds from Romans especially. My email address is in previous comments pls let’s keep in touch and encourage one another. Thank you all especially the admins of this site.
If any of you need anything, feel free to contact me through this website. I will always be willing to pray for you.
Hi Godwin, I have been wanting to thank you for sharing your encouraging words and things you’ve learned on your journey with our Lord Jesus on the site. You’ve been a great blessing to me, and I know others. Let me know if you need anything and may God continue to bless you.
Amen to your prayers Emory. Thank you. I’m happy to share. I believe one testimony is worth many sermons. Yes if you could follow me up periodically to keep me in check from porn, I would appreciate that. Strangely, I get the greatest urge to watch porn after spending a good time with Jesus. Much thanks.
Sure thing Godwin, glad to and please do the same for me. We are part of the body of Christ, “members of one another” as the scripture says and bear one another’s burdens. So feel free to post in the comments or via the site contact.
Hey Godwin, just checking in on you. How’s it going lately? I have been thinking on Ephesians 2:10 ESV:
You are welcome brother. You know the whole Bible itself is a revelation that is why a single verse can minister to thousands of people differently and still minister to them. So that is why we need the Holy spirit, he is the teacher given to us by God, so you can start reading your Bible after saying a simple state like this, Holy spirit I’m about to study the word teach and guide me, explain it to me. And as you are reading anything you don’t understand you can pause and simply ask the Holy spirit the same where you ask your teachers question in school. So, when reading the Bible prayerfully go through it and meditate on every single word as the spirit leads.
I also got that Romans 8 from my dream after consistent battle with condemnation, still in the battle though. I’m a person that is morally good, so I don’t think there is any condemnation that seems to strike so hard like the condemnation of sin related to lust of the flesh. I don’t fight, steal or tell lies etc. But this particular sin use to cripple in all aspects spiritually, physically and emotionally. It’s condemnation hit differently, and ifone is not careful will believe the lie if the devil that, why did you think God will forgive such a filthy action, were you not the one that said you will not do it again, wait a minute you did it deliberately… the lies continues, though you have ask God for forgiveness and he has forgiven you, but you refuse to forgive yourself. That is the prison gate have been open, but you choose to remain inside.
I began to study Romans 8. Verse one said,
verse 32 (NIV) says;
verse 33 says;
So, my brother whenever the devil comes with his condemnation from the pit of hell, reminds him that there is no condemnation for those who are in christ Jesus and that it is God that justifies. And also If God did not spare his son, that already give us an idea of how the father love us and that his hands are wide open, and that we can run back to him when we go astray. It also talk about Jesus interceding for us, he didn’t only die for you but aalso interceding for you. And a lot of times we see Jesus as the son of God, yes he is, but most at times we define it wrongly meaning, we see Jesus as second God, Jesus is not second God he is God, just trying give an idea of how God love us, so we can confront that lie that we have committed the worst sin and may never be forgiven. Jesus is God, so imagine God the one who created leaving all his glory to come and die for you, think about your maker, your creator did that all because of you. You can see how precious you are, so when ever the temptation start coming then you can choose to fall or stand your ground, it really gives one the idea of how precious you are. Ask your self simple questions like this do I now trade my precious soul with five minutes of lust, masturbation or pornography?, is it worth it? the answer is no. In case you fall for it, don’t remain low pick yourself up again, he didn’t spare Jesus for your salvation, will he then now denied you of it, now that you desperately need it?.
Jesus really loves us. I will be praying for you guys like I said earlier. please I also need your prayers, the devil is very rebellious, if he thought he can get Jesus, then I think he will never give up us either. I prayed the lord give us the grace to fight back. God bless this site, the first initiator of this conversation my sister Allyssa, my brother Godwin and who so ever will come across this testimony.
Please forgive my spelling errors or grammatical suicide. I’m using a small phone and usually misbehave sometimes.
Thank you my brother, I will continue to pray for you. I would also like to say that I am very excited to see where God takes you in life. Praying for you!!
Emory, I have actually changed my mind about contacting people. That was how I first became a victim of porn and I don’t want something like that to come up again. I would love to connect more with the people on here that need help and encouragement but I’m just too scared that I’ll get myself into trouble again. Thank you for the advice though. It really helped me to make this decision.
Thanks for sharing your testimony! I can actually relate to what you’ve been through as well, and I’m glad you were able to get through that storm. God bless you buddy.
Thanks Emory. I’ve been thinking of you too and wish there was another more direct way to contact you.
All has been going well- in the sense that after increasing my prayer time and Bible reading time, I have been experiencing more victories especially in my dreams! And I know the manifestations have started to follow.
I don’t know how many times I will have to learn this lesson about God’s faithfulness and mercy. When we draw near to Him, He draws Himself near to us too. I have experienced this countless times.
My unfaithfulness to remain at His feet after a few victories have been my undoing all these years.
I’m back at His feet now since about the 3rd of this month, and He has been showing me countless victories in my dreams and some manifestations have started.
Pls join me in prayers for me to remain at this secret place forever and not fall for the devil’s lies again!!!!
Thanks for reaching out bro.
I appreciate.