Friends, I feel lost and need help discerning God’s guidance.
Of course, this story will sound petty, but if you feel moved to respond, please do.
A bit about me: I am a grad student and have lived apart from my family since I was very young. God called me to a beautiful city, and I immediately knew it was home. I had prayed and prayed for meaningful friendships and for a life filled with love, and I finally found it. The fact that God had answered my prayers was profoundly evident and I was overwhelmed.
About a month ago, the love of my life broke up with me. Now, I understand that many of you may think that someone as young as I cannot possibly be sure to have found the love of my life. But my heart has lived a thousand lifetimes because of my background.
I know what it’s like to love and lose – I have watched a boyfriend die slowly for weeks and finally, by the grace of God (truly), miraculously recover. I have watched my family suffer hardship after hardship and experience joy after joy as God’s will plays out. I believe that, a lot of times, I can hear what God is telling me really well, and I am careful to listen.
But now, I can’t seem to see God’s will for this situation. I found so much of God’s will in this now-defunct relationship and came to know the Lord in a beautiful new way. This man and I had just found our home church and were looking for the perfect couple’s devotional. Then, everything crumbled during a fight we had about the future. He seems to have panicked and withdrawn. Since then, our relationship (or lack thereof) has been one emotional rollercoaster after another.
I pray daily that God will guide my heart toward a resolution of this pain, whether back toward my ex, if it is His will, or toward peace and acceptance. All I have found is frustration and confusion. I still (fortunately or unfortunately) believe with all my heart that this man is the one God put on this earth for me to find, and I pray for the Lord to show me how to stop believing this because I feel so naïve. All worldly signs point to our mutual love being over, and I am confused by any and all Godly signs I receive.
Please, if you feel moved, respond. I am desperate to discern God’s will for this stage in my life and cannot seem to understand it myself. I understand that there is strength in faith in blind faith, and I accept that; I understand that God will may be my confusion and that He desires to test me. But still, I find no peace.
Although I’m older than you I understand exactly what you are going through because I am going through this myself. I know what it’s like to be heartbroken and in despair, to not know whether the one you love is coming back or not, when you’re sure he’s the one, this constant state of confusion, which almost drives you to madness.
It’s the not knowing that’s the worst, this state of limbo, of not being with him but not free to love someone else. Yes, we just want to know the answer so that we can move on with our lives.
A break up is painful enough but when that happens you expect to grieve and then move on. When that doesn’t happen, when you’re constantly hanging on to the past and hoping for a reunion that may never happen, life can be unbearable.
It’s still very early days for you so give yourself time to heal from the initial shock but I want to share some things with you that I have learnt.
Firstly, ask God to forgive you if you have not trusted Him with this relationship,or have doubted His signs that He has given you. It is very easy to get confused with the world’s advice and God’s signs. You start to doubt whether they were God’s signs at all. But still, ask Him to forgive you anyway.
Secondly, surrender your loved one to God. Let him go. This is a terrifying thing to do, I know, but if you are clinging on to him, it means God wants you to let him go. That doesn’t mean that God will take him away forever, although He may, it just means that you are insuring that this man does not become an idol in your life. God wants to be first.
You will get to the point when you are ready to do that and when you do, you will find the peace that you’ve been waiting for. It doesn’t mean you are giving up on this man, throwing away your love, or shutting him out, it just means that you have handed him to God, for God to do His will in your relationship.
Thirdly, pray for this man every day. If he is away from God, pray that God will bring him back to Himself. Maybe you broke up because he or you were not ready spiritually or for some other reason and God wants to do a work in your lives.
Lastly, don’t ask God to take that love away that you have for this man but ask God to have His way in your life and in this relationship. Surrender your will to Him very day. Surrender this man every morning to God and every night before you to bed, thank and praise God for him.
Thank God that He is working all things together for your good. When doubt and fear start to creep back in, just tell God that you are going to trust Him. And then praise Him.
Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute…is all about trusting God in the dark places of our life. The cry of our heart, God knows, He hears, He sees and He will reveal His answer to you in His time.
Bless you.
Hi,
I also thought I found the love of my life last year. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me dozens of times and we were very happy together. He suddenly stopped talking to me last year two days before Christmas. I called and left messages and well as emails and he didn’t bother to respond. I didn’t even get a phone call from him on Christmas day. I turned to Christ and he turned my heart around. I wrote an article about it and have included a link to it below so please take a look at it. I feel sad because today is the one-year anniversary of when he stopped talking to me. However, I have placed my trust in Jesus to give me all the love that I need. God loves you and he will heal your heart.
http://www.wholemagazine.org/2014/08/mourning-into-dancing.html
When you stopped waiting for something, you will receive it.
God need you to keep your hope on him and don’t look back but stay focus on the new precious thing God reserves for you.