As a child I was always a believer in God. I had, as I thought a relationship with him. I always had a prayer life. I didn’t know the Bible, I didn’t know about Jesus nor really who he was. I just had a simple prayer life, and that was it. My family was Catholic and we would go to church just a few times.
I never considered myself to be religious. In fact, when we did go to church, I didn’t understand why we were even there as I was not learning anything about God, not even what Jesus did. So, to me it was just a gathering, when church was over it was like a whatever kind of thing. But I still went on praying to God. My family never went back to church although they were still Catholics.
We kids would argue with my parents saying we didn’t want to go to church. As I grew in my teen years starting 14, is when I really started rebelling. I met my older sisters’ friends, and I even started dating someone who became so close. I first drank my first beer at 14, I even smoked weed at 14, after that experience I never drank or smoked weed after that. I knew it was wrong. So, as I got older I still went on praying to God even though I was in sin.
There came a time at 14 years of age when I completely stopped praying to God, that’s when I was going through difficult times I talked with my sister and she just told me to pray, so I went back to praying and never would stop up until that day. At 18 years of age last Senior high School, My senior year is when I just went through the toughest year of my life. While everyone was getting ready for prom, and for senior school dances I didn’t have any friends. I was always alone at school. I knew everyone was drinking, and smoking, etc, I wasn’t doing any of that. My priority was not school. Sometimes I just wanted to skip classes, and I would.
So, on top of not having friends, my family was not there for me as well. I was completely lost. Waking up in the morning was a struggle, I didn’t know how to get through the day, no one wanted to hang out, or talk to me since I was looked down upon. So, I felt completely worthless. Didn’t have a job either as the unemployment rates went down.
The person who I was once closest to since 14 years of age had completely want nothing to do with me as I still wanted to find a way to restore that relationship since I had knew him for so long, he met someone else and just completely left my life as I thought he was the only friend who would still be around, but he wasn’t. So, I was just lost, to the point of committing suicide. I was at that point in my life where I didn’t even want to live. That’s when I cried out to God, something inside me said,
“Don’t do it, or you will wake up in hell.”
I didn’t know about hell at the time, I didn’t know the Bible, I didn’t know if you died not saved you would end up in hell. But that voice in my heart told me I was going to be in hell if I killed myself. I knew it was God. I didn’t plan on killing myself after that.
Couple months later it was graduation day I didn’t go to my graduation, I got my diploma, I was out of school and that summer I felt better knowing I wasn’t going back to school getting treated like nothing from everyone there. I was not thinking about God, or getting right with him that summer after what happened.
That’s when it was summer of June, and I was a bored teen not knowing what really to do, I happened to have a phone with internet on it, so I started viewing porn. After knowing I had done such a thing, I knew very, very well that it was wrong. So, I convinced myself never to do it again.
There came times where the forces of darkness would be so strong to the point of having to view more, and more. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to be addicted, little did I know it was powers of darkness luring me on to filth. I couldn’t take it, that’s when I went to an internet page and kept asking everywhere where could I stop myself from viewing this, controlling myself because I couldn’t.
I would even go to psychology pages trying to ask online how I could stop it, I would read them but I still couldn’t stop the lust. That’s when a particular individual happened to be on those websites and told me Jesus can save me, all I got to do is call upon his name, he will cleanse my mind from filthy thoughts, he will help me get through this, he will forgive me and started putting Bible verses. I didn’t know any of that, as I was never taught that before.
So, I called out to Jesus, I called out to God. I told him to save me, to cleanse me from all unrighteousness. That’s when I trusted. After that I knew the Lord had heard my cry. I didn’t automatically right away read the Bible. I just knew he had saved me. I never viewed porn after that. My mind went to other things, (not porn) but knowing I was never going to view it again.
July went by, and then August came. I was still in sin, not viewing porn, but I was still in complete sin. That’s when on an August afternoon in the last month of summer, it was nice and quiet out so I decided to go sit down in my backyard. The view was beautiful. I started thinking about things. Then the thought of knowing I hadn’t viewed porn in over 2 months came. I realized I hadn’t, and I was happy about that.
Then I started thinking about God. A still small voice was speaking to me. I didn’t hear the voice, but someone was speaking to my heart I knew it. I don’t quite remember what God was speaking to me about. But I know what he was saying and I remember in my heart, I can’t write down the exact words. But all of a sudden there came a hunger in my heart for him as I never known before. He had spoke to my heart and told me to give him my life. At that moment all I wanted to do was please him. So, I knew in my mind to do what is right. Little did I know I was a sinner and I couldn’t do anything to please God within myself.
A couple days later, It was night time my sister had just came back from being with her boyfriend and told me they went 25 miles from where we live to a town, and they had picked up a woman from the airport whom they did not even know. Now I found that to be stranger than strange. My sister and her boyfriend would never so something like that. Especially because the gas was expensive at that time. They had picked up a woman at the airport who handed them a book called “40 days with Jesus.” It wasn’t the Bible, but it was from a Christian Author. I saw it, and I knew to read that book Asap. My sister told me I could have it, she never read it.
So, I read it and as I was reading the book, I knew this was from the Lord because the book was talking about as if Jesus is speaking to me personally. After reading that book I knew to accept the Lord as my saviour. I did. God lead me to repent, he lead me to read the Bible. And he lead me to a great church. The Lord has completely changed my life and I can’t thank him enough! I am a born again Christian, and so happy to be a child of God! What a mighty God I serve! *John 3:16*