Hey guys. I wanted to come here to share my testimony with you all, of how I came to Jesus Christ. I was born and raised In a Christian home, but at the time our faith was hardly practiced. I had many problems that nobody had helped me with. I had anger issues and I was an unruly child. I never wanted to obey my mother, and I caused her much grief. My father had a drinking problem and he never spent time with me, and I never got to have a real father figure because he was always gone.
He and my mom fought verbally, and I was always scared something would happen if they got too mad. Soon he and mom separated. And afterwards we moved in with my grandparents. They taught me about Jesus, and who he was and about being saved. I listened yet I did not understand what it was all about.
When I very small I started having self-esteem issues that eventually lead into me having childhood anorexia. I suffered and was sick because I would not eat. I could not bring myself to. I was too sick. I was very weak, and I missed a lot of school.
My family says I even talked about, and contemplated suicide. Eventually I got help and it took a while to recover, but eventually I made it through. Soon my parents got back together and had my brother, and we got our own place when he was small. But dad’s drinking did not stop. And it got harder for me to deal with everything in my household. I spent every day depressed. It was an on and off thing I went through for years. Nobody could help me. I kept to myself mostly. I was very shy, and I had massive anxiety problems. It got so bad I had to be taken out of school. I refused to leave the house often. I was so afraid, and I cried constantly.
Soon My mother took us to church and eventually she found Christ. She talked to me and talked to me about Jesus and encouraged me to be saved. She did whatever she could in her power to help me.
Because my dad could not handle my mother’s change, he moved away. My life got a lot better after that. But as I approached my teen years, Demons came to me very often. They had been coming to me even as a little child, but especially now. I had them attached to me. They appeared to me in several different ways. They tormented me sometimes.
Also, in different ways. They made me think that God wouldn’t accept me and would not love me because of the things I had done. I started to dabble in the occult a bunch. I played with Ouija boards and talked to the demons. I believe that at one time I had some inside me. I shudder to think of how I lived this way…
Fast forward a couple years and we found out my grandfather was dying. He was the only sort of father figure I had and when he died it put a ton of weight on me. At the funeral I cried like a little baby. The loss almost killed my family. After the funeral we found we had to move because we could no longer handle the bills.
I had stopped playing with the boards for a while and I had them stored in my room closet along with my other occult things. I had gone to sleep one night, and I had a dream of my grandfather begging me to rid of my Ouija boards. I told my mother about the dream, and I guess she threw them away because I never saw my things again. That felt good to me.
When we moved out into the country, things got simple and I had a lot more time to think about my afterlife, my eternity. This troubled me a great deal. Because I knew that if I died, or the rapture took place, I would wind up in Hell. I had no clue how to be reconciled with God. Because I had done horrible things. And I thought that he would not love or care for me if I surrendered to him. I contained all this stress, and it ate me alive. I was hopeless because I thought my soul was damned.
One morning I woke up for church, and I could not take it anymore. I burst into tears, and I cried out to God and I repented and surrendered it all to him. I felt clean, a new person. The world was suddenly different! I was happy!!! It was so refreshing, and calm in my soul. I was a new creation.
God helped me forgive my dad because I hated him for years. I began to read the Bible and pray and seek God in my life. My old nature did not come to me overnight… so it did not leave me overnight. It was a process that I had to go through. And am still going through. But I praise GOD for being with me though the whole thing. And loving me and caring for me still. I love him with all I have in me. He IS my life. He is the father that I had wanted from childhood. I finally found him and I am not letting go, and he says the same for me… <3 God bless you all for reading! P. S–I am sorry it was so long but I am being lead to share my story with people. God bless.