God has been soo good to me; Glory to God forever and evermore. I have been long procrastinating on writing this testimony but I thank God for giving me the opportunity to share it now. My name is Yani and I am currently 21 years old. This is is most of the negatives in my life but I am not innocent of causing harm to others by words or actions as well, just like any other human.
“As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one”
John 3:16 King James Version (KJV):
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
I was born and raised in Panama but I now live in New York city. I give all the honor and glory to God for being good to me and for pouring his mercy on me. My problems began when I was very young. I was about 6 years old and began experiencing demonic attacks. I remember shadows that sometimes moved across in the living room. I used to get extremely scared to even go to the bathroom. I used to sometimes get paralyzed in my bed unable to move, all I felt was pressure and fear.
One time in the bathroom, I heard a demonic voice for the first time. I was still living in Panama at this time and I was about 7 years old. I was taking a shower alone and I heard a dark, scratchy, clear voice telling me something like, “come to me”.
This moment increased my fear of the dark and even of being alone. I grew up with horrible nightmares and dreams that would just increase the fear that I felt inside. These dreams kept getting worse as I grew older and older. In some of my dreams I knew that I was dreaming but I was unable to escape from things like demons, zombies, killers, rapist and all the death that were in my dreams.
Some dreams would even repeat themselves over a period of nights and some would repeat on that same night, the same dream over and over, while I would be inside the dream screaming for someone to wake me up in real life. One of the most horrifying dreams that I had was about a small dog that transformed into a four-leg demon and was devouring my mother in front of me.
I moved to the United States when I was about 9 years old with my mother and lived with my grandma and then with one of my cousins for a while. Being about 13, I was living with my cousin and had an experience in the bathroom while I was showering. I was taking a nice warm bath and all of the sudden I saw a pale white hand that turned the water faucet around and changed the temperature to make it cold. I quickly opened the curtains to see who was there but there was no one.
I wondered if it was my cousin but she denied everything since she was in her room. I knew it wasn’t her because of our brown skin and the hand was pale white. This increased MY FEAR even more of being alone and the dark. I was not afraid of humans but I was afraid of demons coming and taking me away from my family without no one seeing anything.
When I came to the United States my family would sometimes treat me bad. I was sometimes bullied by cousins and my aunts and older cousins would say many things about me that would make me cry. This things just lowered my confidence and gave me depression.
I had countless thoughts about committing suicide and tried to attempt suicide without any success. I remember holding on to the fact that I was the only child and not wanting to leave my mother alone in this world, GLORY TO GOD FOR NOT ALLOWING ME TO PERISH. Being in middle school, I was sometimes bullied because of my inability to speak English. I began to hang around a group of girls who were no good for me and were not good examples. Some of them were not virgins and often spoke about sex.
I was about 15 years old when I lost my virginity. After losing it, I would often crave sex. I had spirits who took over my life and used me and tricked me into sleeping around. I began masturbating at a young age, say 13. I also began watching porn which became a part of my normal routine.
Around this time (my middle school and early high school years), I lived with my older cousin, her daughter, and later came a baby. My mom would work many times overnight as a home attendant so she was not always around. I had no father figure and that made it easier for me to fall into a world where I did whatever I wanted without much supervision or authority. I was always allowed to go out since I had no issues at school and I often lied about my whereabouts.
On the 23rd of September of 2015 I had an abortion, I was 15 years old. I knew it was a horrible thing because I would sit around and watch videos about babies suffering inside of their Mommies womb as their where being aborted and I would cry bitterly, but no one could know. I remember that I knew I was pregnant before I missed my first period, I just knew. I stole a pregnancy test from target, went inside of the bathroom in Chucky Cheese (where my family was celebrating an event), and it was positive.
I felt like my world was crashing down but those days before the abortion where some of the most beautiful days I ever experienced. I had the abortion 4 weeks into the pregnancy so then the fetus was not formed but I felt my baby; it was a gift from God. That was my biggest sin, not only did I murder but I spilled my own child’s blood, that child that was depending on me for love and care.
Three months after the abortion, I got a boyfriend. He introduced me into marijuana and sex was a constant thing. He was raised so harshly that his behavior towards me was cold and hurtful. I often cried in that relationship, It lowered my self-steem and worth. Things that he would do had psychological effects on both, but yet now, I can’t blame him, demons were using him greatly.
There were a few times that he pinned me on the wall, pulled my hair to talk to me, kick me out his house, kick me out his car, curse me out, and a number of other things. I didn’t know any better, I didn’t really have much guidance or support. I was with him for 3 years and the last two years were long distance from Virginia, I was in New york.
In 2013, My uncle beat me and my mother (me and my mom had gotten our own apartment). He has being diagnosed with schizophrenia and Bipolar. He constantly drank although it was not good for him. One day he was drunk and launched at my mother.
He was heavy and tall, about 6’2 and built. Me and my mom are 5’2 and 5’4, He kept punching her in the head and used the weight from his body to lay on her arms so that she could not move them. I jumped on him with the house phone and began hitting him on the head. He got up, pulled me by my feet and began punching me. My mom got on him and he began choking her. After this, he saw me and walked out the room. I was paranoid and had blood running down from my face. I had forgave him because he apologized the day after but I had another new fear that grew in my heart: that I could become insane.
Three of my aunts and that uncle had some form of mental disorder. I feared that it ran in the family and that I could be next. I began growing strong anxiety. I was questioning the existence of God since I was in college and asked God to reveal himself to me if he existed or which religion was true. I began doing research and even considered becoming a muslim. The last few times that I smoke marijuana were pretty radical. I rarely did it, maybe when I went to an event with my cousin, which rarely happened.
One of the last times that I smoked, I was with two friends and I felt out of place. I felt like I was turning crazy. I heard conversation of the people around me and it felt as if it was the first time that I ever heard a conversation before. It was a common conversation but it sounded so evil. It sounded selfish and cruel. I heard the conversation for what it was: a conversation among unsaved sinners, it was disturbing to me. Then I felt the need to cried unto God. I also felt that my friends were setting me up or something, I was scared.
The next time after this, I was with a boy that I was messing with and smoke with him. When I was sitting in a chair in his room, I saw his bible on the bed and read it. Once I opened the bible, I SAW EVERY SINGLE LETTER POPPING OUT IN MY FACE AND SPEAKING TO ME, IT WAS SHINY AND I WAS PULLING ME IN. I was reading the book of Genesis and God was speaking about the creation of his hands !! That was the first time that God spoke to me through his mighty and powerful word. Glory to GOD !!!!
The last time that I smoked was the worst. I heard a clear voice of a “demon” that was telling me that he was God. I believed the voice and the voice was telling me that I needed to be save and find salvation because time is running out, I had to do this by suffocating and not breathing. Then the demon changed voice and sounded like a woman , “Mary”, who was telling me to listen to her voice and not breathe in order to be save e before time ran out. I was truly listening and believed those demons. He sounded so “holy” but yet fake. I was hanging out with a friend and that voice told me tha I must submit and let my friend, who I knew for over 6 years, sleep with me. We liked each other but never did much. The voice told me that I needed to submit because of my disobedience and that was the consequence of me being there with him. I obeyed and that was one of the most painful experience in my physical life. I felt his body on me and every touch was painful. The voice was telling me to just stay still and listen. Then, after that, my friend went to sleep next to me. I felt the voice fading away and I found myself locked within. At this point, I could not feel my body, nor I knew where I was, I didnt even know my name !!! THEN, I heard another voice: this voice was nothing like he first, this voice was powerful and had authorithy, this voice brought shame to my soul. When I heard the voice speaking, I felt so ashame and like the most dirtiest of beings. Somehow, I could not fight it, the voice said this: “I AM SO SORRY TO SEE THAT THIS WAS THE ONLY WAS THAT I WAS ABLE TO REACH YOU, I NEED YOU TO GO HOME AND READ THE BIBLE, PRAY, LOOK FOR ME, I AM SO SORRY THAT THIS IS THE ONLY WAS THAT I WAS ABLE TO REACH YOU”. This was the mighty voice of God. God’s voice made my body turn in shame. When the voice left me, I could not remenber English for about one minute, I only spoke spanish and not one English word could come out, I was trying to remenber how to speak it. The voice was speaking about my condition of being in fornication and smoking, although I was barely high when the voice spoke to me. Then I went home and the other voice returned but I could tell the difference but I wasn’t saved so I was powerlesss to the oppression of the devil at that time, all I could do was wait until I went home to read the bible and pray.
After this, I got saved in my living room days later. I cried unto Jesus Christ and He forgave me and broke all the chains of bondage that had me bound. I was a new creature. Everything changed: No more provocative clothing, little to no makeup , I began going natural, no more curses, bible reading daily, the way I spoke changed, my mind was renewed, he gave me a heart of flesh!! , fasting often, praying often, and I began congregating at God With Us Ministries in Brooklyn, NY. In the church I would often sit in the front and praise him in spirit and truth not caring about who was watching me. Just poured my heart out and praised him. GLORY TO GOD FOR SAVING ME !!!! I was going through a strong battle against Satan because he was wanted me to believe that I was going to go crazy and do someting bad things but no !! God healed me and gave me the strength to endure it all. GOD IS TOO GOOD !!!
I relate to this woman, I will meet her in heaven
44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.
45 Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet.
46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.
47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.
48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.
Please, praise and worship him. The walk has not been easy. I have fallen but his grace and mercy had lifted me up. Please keep your eyes on Jesus Christ and cry unto him. This fight is not meant to be easy, it is only the brave that will make it unto the end and inherit the Kingdom of God !!!!!
“All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.”