How God Changed a “Good Deeds Only” Christian Child to Faith Alone Born Again Christian Child
Ever since I was small, I loved God and Jesus, I always wanted to please them. I was raised in a Trinitarian Pentecostal Christian family. I liked going to church, I loved offering tithe, I was around 4 or 5 years old by this time. I was very inspired about Jesus, however I didnt personally know him, i only knew him in the Bible.
Around ages of 8-9 and 10, I started reading the Bible. I read a few stories of David, Samuel, Samson, Moses, Joshua and the three patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, Jacob). When I read further in Deuteronomy, I saw the 10commandments, they said do not lie yet I lied several times, do not steal yet i once stole a pencil in my school, too many do nots i was frustrated. I kept asking God and crying to him how can I keep His Law perfectly. Everytime I failed. I thought that God would hate me if I didn’t do enough good deeds, perhaps my salvation depended on good deeds.
I was imperfect like any human being and still am. I was angry at God, I kept telling him:
“Don’t you see? Every law of yours I can’t keep perfectly! How much good should i do to earn your love!? Just kill me! All Christians probably can keep your laws perfectly than me”
By this time I was much disappointed. I kept asking myself
“How good is good enough to earn God’s forgiveness?”
But after several months, the Holy Spirit told me to read the Gospels. I started reading by order, starting in Matthew all the way to John (it took me another several months to finish).
After some quiet self reflection, by the ages of 12 or 13, I understood its not my good deeds that reassure me my forgiveness but rather by Christ’s sacrifice alone. This is how I personally knew Christ. I love him more now than in the past. Sunday School always taught about faith alone, but since I was young I didn’t understand what was being said to me. I thank God he has let me truly know Christ through my guilt of sin/admitting imperfection, reading the Gospels to understand that he died for me, and accept him as My Lord & Saviour.
My forgiveness is through faith in Christ’s sacrifice alone. Good deeds are nothing but filthy rugs that shrivel up and sweeped a way by our sins just like how prophet Isaiah used to say (Isaiah 64:6). God has always loved me, he never hated me for imperfection, he wanted me to see my “good deeds only” theory is wrong, only faith alone is where my salvation stands. I am justified by faith in Christ, not by the Law.
God has done so much for me. I praise Him. He has helped in tough times, he is my Hope, my King, my Messiah. Holy, Holy, Holy is His Name.