I lived a very sheltered life in a great Christian home with very loving parents (A typical “Leave it to Beaver”, type atmosphere and setting. My family always took me to church and taught me about God. I remember as a small child lying in my bed at night, my mom would come in and make me recite “Psalm 23” and say my “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” prayer. Little did I know at the time how I would come to need to know the true meaning of that particular psalm.
I married a man I dated in high school who never told me about his childhood. He even lied to me and picked a church he lived nearby, and said they attended regularly. I believed he come from a very loving family. One week after we were married, he grew tired of me praising his dad. He began to tell me horror stories of abuse and devastated me with his lies and deceit.
I was very hurt for what they had been through, but one month later I came to receive the same kind of abuse. I was beaten and bruised so bad that I could not leave my home for one month. I was so ashamed, but he promised it would never happen again.
For the next two months he stayed true to that promise, but then I became pregnant. The abuse started again and continued for fifteen years. During this time, I had two beautiful sons and I prayed and prayed for change hoping we could have a normal marriage.
It never came to pass. On the outside we attended church and looked like the perfect family, but at home the abuse continued and got even more violent.
I finally filed for divorce once I became aware he had been in an adulterous affair for quite some time. I took my two sons and left and attended cosmetology school, and built a home to live in. I was very stressed and know that only God gave me the strength to get through it.
After receiving my license, getting a job, and settling down, I started feeling very lonely. I made friends and started hanging out with them and this gave me a sense of hope, that maybe God would help me find a companion that would love me and be my best friend. I went with a friend of mine to a town close by and had dinner, and she said,
“I know of this old lady who calls herself a prophet and she can tell you things about your future.”
So, for fun we went to see her and paid her fifteen dollars, I became slowly hooked. For you see three years went by and I became so addicted to her because of the clinging hope that what she was saying would finally come true. I began to rely on her instead of God. I finally seen that what she said was half-truth and half lies.
When she finally told me that I was going to marry my friend I was so happy. But guess what all the time I knew him he had been living with a woman and married her instead. It devastated me and completely shocked everyone who had been around us because he did very well at keeping it a secret. I was so hurt and so embarrassed.
I finally confessed to a friend of mine what I had been doing and she got her bible out and began to share with me in Jeremiah 29 vs 8-9.
“Do not let the prophets and diviners among you deceive you. Do not listen to the dreams you encourage them to have. They are prophesying lies to you in my name. I have not sent them declares the Lord.”
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the lord, and will bring you back from captivity.
I had to stop going for I loved God with all of my heart and would never have gone if I had of realized the sin, I was committing against him. I was not trusting him or seeking him and depending on my prayers or believing in his great love for me.
I have found that through his word he speaks to me very clearly, and through the holy spirit, who dwells inside of me. He also speaks through circumstances and through other people, giving words of wisdom and direction. My prayer is that anyone seeking prophets who charge money need to realize that they are fortune tellers, and it is not of God.
Prayer is the way and believe in your creator. I know from experience the destructive side and also the sweet deliverance from my heavenly father who loves me and only brings his best to us so we can have an abundant life.
Loneliness can make you do desperate things, like alcohol and drugs and sometimes suicide. When we put hope in other things other than God we are going to go towards slow destruction. I am glad that I have seen to totally surrender to God my desires and needs and that he is my hope for anything I am going through. Even though I have suffered with depression, loneliness, and abuse, I have overcome and have been delivered.
Although, I have no steady boyfriend,and no not when, he will send me the right companion. I know that whomever he brings to me he will love and cherish me just like he does and that will be his best!
I cannot explain to you why I stayed that many years with a companion like that but have found that the key to my healing was forgivness and covering him with prayer for God to melt his heart of stone and praise god he did! He is making up for all of the hurt and working on a new relationship with my sons. I have seen the hand of gods deliverance and it is bringing much happiness to my heart.
One of my son’s moved to another state and attended school and after he finished, I flew down to see him graduate. I got really shocking news that my son had been drawing demonic pictures and writing very evil hate letters and even mentioned suicide. It scared me so bad I did not know how to handle it.
We decided to go to Bush Gardens and try to break the ice with him during a family outing. We went to a musical play there and as we were going to our seats, I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and say that this is the beginning of you and your sons healing. The musical was about a caterpillar in his cocoon emerging into a beautiful butterfly and the song was entitled Celebrate your Life.
I could not get through to him, but I knew that he needed professional help as well as myself. I went back home because my son could not come back home for two more months. I prayed to God that I did not know what to do and for Him to help me.
When I reached home, I checked my emails and received one about someone seeing thousands of butterflies being released, and that people were trapped in their minds from the hurt they had suffered in their life. I sat there praising God, knowing it was going to be alright.
I prayed that night, God I have a choice of two counselors, please show me the right one. When I got to work a counselors business card was on my appointment book and it seemed God had made my choice. I immediately called him and to my surprise he made an appointment and informed me that it would be free for it was his ministry. He made several phone calls to my sister and helped her over the phone.
Sitting on the back pew of the church the next Sunday weeping uncontrollably after most everyone had left, no one could make me feel better until a lady who happened to be a counselor sat down and talked to me. Nothing was working. Finally, she looked at me and said,
“Do you know what it means to be a caterpillar in a cocoon?”
I immediately stopped crying and said,
“No, what does this mean?”
She told me that a caterpillar is helped out of its cocoon before it is ready it will be too weak to survive and will die. Because it is the pushing and struggling to emerge, that strengthens the butterfly’s wings enough so that it will live. But this takes time and hardship. I knew immediately in my heart that my son and I would one day be strong and emerge into a new life of great joy.
Though we have all been broken we have been set free and healed. And this testimony that I am sending out for the whole world to see is a true story of how when you turn to God, he will deliver, heal, and restore your hope for a good life. Though I have suffered, it is not going to be in vain. I just pray my testimony will help millions of people and bring them to know Christ as their one and all, Lord and Savior. Amen.
To receive Christ and learn how to become his child please read Romans chapter 10 v/s 9-10.
That if you confess with your mouth “Jesus is Lord” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.
Blessings, Jeane Couch