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Hope , Faith and Love

I’m 19, and I have recently felt God grace mercy and love over my life, I just wanted to testify his greatness and the peace he has given me in my life. I got saved t the age of 14, I have been in a relationship with a 20 year old guy who had lied his whole way through the relationship I only found out after 6 months his real age, I was during my time of healing that I decided to give my life to God, when I felt his presence I was so much in owe of him, my life changed I was involved in church I was happy alone and by myself.

However my relationship with my parents was a hindrance to this growth, I had longed for a hug and a kiss from my mother or father they provide everything to me finically, but there was still an emptiness that wasn’t filled, months passed but the emptiness remained, instead of talking to them about my feeling held alt of anger inside me, still loved God but I began to place my attention on other things, I was eager to find the perfect guy ad just after my 15th birthday, I met this guy, my although I was slowly backsliding, I kept my Christian morals, he was interested in me but I made him wait I wouldn’t let him touch or kiss me, I felt that it was more important that we get to know each other and become good friends before we stepped into a relationship , he was three years older than me and he assumed that I was a year younger than him, I felt that if I told him I hadn’t turned 16 he would be lose interest. I was very confused about who exactly I was and would do anything to get what I wanted. If I had thought about the seriousness of what I was doing I would have never done it … two months went by then three, he was so patient and very much eager to get to know who I am, he would spent hours waiting for me t finish school just so we could spend time getting deeper in conversation .. he knew God but wasn’t truly saved he admired the days I was in church and wanted to be more like me.

After three months of getting to know each other we decided to date .. All the memories of our time together were nothing but great, but after another month we slept together and for a few weeks everything seemed ok but think just headed down hill after that .. He soon came to discover that I lied and we broke up, he moved to another town but still talked here and there. After a month of being apart he decided that despite what I did he still wanted to be with me, this all happened in 2009, we had met in 2008… so I would go and see him once every two weeks because of the distance, the distance also awakened allot of insecurities inside me, I think after he found out that I lie to me he had no fully forgiven me because our relationship changed he no longer talked to me so much about how he felt about me, we no longer had those deep conversations we did before all we knew all I knew is that I loved him very much

To keep a long story short we where together for 5 years, last year in February I had a miscarriage and our families Got involved and allot of words were exchanged because even though w had been together for that amount of time our families had not been formally introduced and my father especially was disapproving of the relationship, I tried to commit suicide because I felt so low so down like I couldn’t go on. During this time my mother and father were having problems in their marriage, and a week after the miscarriage my dad left my mum for another woman, my boyfriend at the time was so supportive he was there for me the pain of my father leaving I leaned on him, every time I needed comfort or love expected it from him and he did a good job of it for a while, but he is only man he will fail me, our relationship became stressful and we started arguing time, over really small things, and this created tensions we loved each other so much but we couldn’t end it every time we got together we would argue and we tried to see where we were each going on, the time that we decided to give out relationship for two weeks was the time we were really happy for a long time, but we slept together again and went back to square one. Earlier this year he decided that he wanted our relationship to have God. And I was finally ready to give everything to God then one day out of nowhere he said he wants to break up, I pleaded with him to not end it that we have been through too much to break up, it is now a month since the break up.

That is when I decided to give my all to God, he should be my complete focus I have leaned on completely too give me strength and he has. His love never fails, even when I felt like wanted to die he was there every day I feel better I feel stronger, but I’ve decided to serve God. My ex hasn’t even though we are not together I pray for him every day that he may know God so that in his life he will be free from pain and hurt, we recently had a discussion he said he loves me and he would love to be with me in the future but I have changed and don’t want to have sex before marriage, that really hurt me but I don’t want to compromise my beliefs for him all I can do is pray for his life

Even though is know there is something better, someone better for me out there I have grown up with him, he was the love of my life and I believe the pain will be healed in time, but I always wonder will God give us a second chance to do things the right way, when he first met me he wanted to relationship with God I had, I hope that in the future it’s me who can encourage him, I don’t know I’ve let go I’m ready for what God has but something in my head tells me not to forget him, I have dreams about him and I married, visions of our wedding I don’t know if it’s my imagination or God revealing it to me through my dreams, all I’m trying to do is pray right now and focus on growing in God again, I’m not sure if he is the one or not?

3 Comments

  1. Thunchobeni 2/16/2012
  2. Silas 2/19/2012
  3. AsianJesusLover 3/4/2012

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