His Finished Work > Scrupulosity OCD

Hello, my name is Olivia. My life has been full of struggles, but it has also been full of God’s grace and faithfulness. I grew up in church, memorizing Bible verses and attending Sunday school. I loved God, but my relationship with Him was shaped by fear. Around age twelve, I became extremely aware of sin and began to worry constantly about whether I was pleasing God. That worry eventually grew into scrupulosity – a type of religious OCD – where every prayer, every Bible reading, every thought felt like it had to be perfect or I was failing God.

At the same time, my body was struggling. From a young age, I had frequent leg and foot pain, daily stomachaches, migraines, and fatigue. Doctors often dismissed my symptoms, leaving me frustrated and in constant discomfort. By sixteen, I received diagnoses that explained some of what I had been experiencing: POTS, Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease, and fibromyalgia. Later came gastroparesis, hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, narcolepsy, mast cell activation syndrome, autism, and an eating disorder. Simple tasks like walking, showering, or standing for long periods became exhausting. I had to leave public school, stop running, and rely on mobility aids.

Living with chronic illness and OCD took a heavy toll on my mental health. Anxiety, depression, and despair became constant companions. At sixteen, I struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts, often crying alone at night, feeling utterly trapped and broken. My faith was real, but it was ruled by fear rather than love.

Everything began to change at seventeen, when I was formally diagnosed with OCD and began exposure therapy. Through counseling, medication, and learning about God’s grace, I started to separate fear from faith. I realized that salvation is a gift, not something I earn through perfection or effort. Jesus had already done the work, and God’s love is unconditional. Slowly, I began to experience peace in the midst of struggles that once felt crushing. I learned that strength sometimes looks like asking for help, resting, and honoring my limits.

Today, my life is not free from chronic illness or mental health challenges, but I live with hope, purpose, and assurance in God’s love. I’ve learned to pace myself, extend grace to my body and mind, and find joy in ways I couldn’t before. God has taken my struggles and turned them into opportunities for connection, compassion, and encouragement.

Even in the hardest moments, I know with certainty that I have eternal life because I have placed my trust in Jesus Christ. My salvation is not based on performance or perfection, but on His finished work. I am confident that when I die, I will be with Him in heaven forever. My story – messy, painful, and imperfect – glorifies God because He has transformed my despair into hope, my fear into faith, and my struggles into purpose.

Romans 8:28 reminds me:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Even when life feels overwhelming, I know that God is faithful, that He is near, and that His love never fails.