I grew up as a Christian and almost every Sunday I was going to church. I got use to the tradition and the routine of being a Christian but I never had a relationship with God. I didn’t realize that until the age of 21. I honestly thought me just going to church and saying I believe was enough. Then the storms came and I had no anchor; I had no strong foundation in a faith that I proclaimed for all my life. I trusted men with my life more than I trusted God. Meaningless words and lack of self worth/self esteem almost costed me my life.
I met a guy and he told me he loved me and that was enough for me to give myself to him. He told me he was clean and that he recently got checked and was waiting on the results. I trusted a guy that I’ve know for only a couple of weeks with my life and I didn’t second guess anything he said. Maybe a week later he called me and said that the results came back and that he tested positive for herpes.
I wish I could put into words the emotion I really felt but it was like all the wind in my body left and I couldn’t breathe. The chances of me getting this disease was high. We had unprotected sex multiple times and I was experiencing symptoms a week after our last encounter. I cried for a week. I looked up cures and cried some more. I was in the lowest moment of my life and there wasn’t anything in the world that could save me. I was a walking zombie for months.
After weeks of dwelling in my shame, depression, and all my regrets I decided that it was time to turn to God. It wasn’t easy. I had suicidal thoughts and plans to end it all. I felt like I was worthless, dirty and stained and no one would ever love me the way I desired to be loved all my life.
I started my new journey and relationship with God at the bottom. I wanted to know the facts. I wanted to know if Jesus, the one I was praying to all my life, was really walking this earth and if he healed all who came to him (regardless of their past decisions) like it said in the bible. I was earnestly looking for him and the answers. I couldn’t rely on the quick hour word at church because I needed more in order to save my life because if I had found out that none of this was real then I had nothing to live for.
I found this site and said if I get through this process in my life that I would come back and give my testimony. This is the first time I’m telling of this story; my family doesn’t even know. But I’m hear to encourage everyone reading this to take a deep breath in and out, calm down, and listen to what God is saying to you because he is always speaking. It’s actually a funny thing looking back and seeing how God never left my side through the whole ordeal.
After researching and finding out okay Jesus is actually real and not some made up mythical story (I was questioning everything), I decided to rely heavily on what he did while walking on this earth. I read the New Testament mainly Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John to get a better understanding on who Jesus is.
I started to recite and believe healing scriptures. A site that I believe was great for healing scriptures and testimonies is savedhealed.com . I worshipped, prayed, and praised during this time. Most importantly I stayed focus on Jesus and his promises to me. I didn’t tell anyone because since I was basically starting over on everything I knew about this religion I didn’t want to get wavered by unbelief from what people had to say; I solely wanted to hear what God said.
It sounds easy as 123 but it was a mental and spiritual battle the whole time. I was fighting with depression, suicide, self worth, and understanding whether that was God speaking or just my own thoughts. The battle in my mind never let up until I took my new understanding of Jesus and my faith and decided to take the test even with symptoms that occurred the whole time (I tested negative).
This journey brought me closer to God, It gave me a better understanding to who I’m praying to and till this day no one or nothing can make me doubt of the power of healing that Jesus still does today. I found the love I was always looking for and my self worth through my relationship with Jesus.
If anyone has needs any clarity on what I’ve been through I’m happy to answer any question. This was almost 3 years ago but I understand the feeling people have when they need a healing in their bodies. Its like you’re constantly reaching out trying to touch the hem of his garment. Keep the faith, tell the sickness to GO and live in the promises of God.