A relationship that I care for broke up between me and my fiancée. It was a bad break up, which ended up getting a little physical, I didn’t hit her or anything, she has no bruises or anything like that. What I did was smack her cell phone our of her hand, I didn’t touch her hand or anything, and when I told her that I didn’t want to be with her anymore and that I want the ring back, she was about to give it to me, but I was anxious and went for the ring, because she resisted, it caused me to put my hand on her wrist, there was a struggle and I got the ring.
She says I was aggressive and shook her, the next day her parents came to my house and told me to stay away from her, no contact whatsoever. And that she wants the same thing too. So three weeks passes by, and I see her, I felt really bad for what I did so I went to her to apologize, because she was upset with me, she was not hearing me, and reminded me that her parents told me to stay away from her.
So three months passes by, I get prayed for and in the prayer the person said that God wants me to call the father. I know to be weary of what people say, but I did it anyway and called the father, I got his voicemail, I told him that I apologize to him and his wife for what I did to their daughter the day we broke up. I asked her father to please call me back when he has a chance. So far he has not called me back, after waiting a week, I was wondering if I should call him back a second time. I prayed to God and asked him to reveal to me in his word if I should call the father back a second time.
So I’m reading in Genesis, then I come to Jacob and Laban, I was never aware of these scriptures in the bible. This was my first time reading this, Jacob married both Laban’s daughters, but then afterwards, Jacob and Laban were at odds with each other, Laban is Jacobs father in law. They ended up making peace with one another before parting ways.
So I looked at it like Jacob is me and her father is Laban, And in me calling to apologize is making peace with the father, same with this scripture that I saw, I asked the lord to confirm his word, and I asked him to confirm his word at a church service that I was about to go to in the pastors message. I felt that I could be specific like this because Gideon was specific like this and God granted him his conformations specifically to how Gideon wanted it. I go to church, and the pastor said that on his mind all day was about Gideon, and he explained the story of Gideon, the message was that God will be with you in whatever you do, that his power is enough. So that message can be for anything, that does not tell me directly about my situation, but the fact that the pastor talked about Gideon, that was crazy, but still I don’t know if God still wants me to call a second time. I don’t feel at peace, but I don’t know if that’s because I fear calling the father for a second time, or because this may not be from the holy spirit.
In my opinion I have been going through a rough time in my life. Most people would say that I am blessed to be alive and healthy. I am surrounded with family and friends who care about me and love me. I can have my low moments because as humans we tend to be hard on ourselves. I recently went through a break up with someone I thought was the love of my life and my soul mate. My mind may have been cloudy and my judgments off by this person because I felt the love deep within my soul. I was so sure this was right but maybe this is why I never saw anything wrong.
After my so called “sudden” and shocking break up I could not overcome the thought of being without this person. I lost all hope in love and I lost faith. I started to question myself and try to figure out what went wrong. What could I have done to change what happened or to make the relationship better? Having these negative thoughts about myself caused me to become depressed and my mind became distorted with false judgments. I began to question God and why God would do this to me after all I put into this relationship and I was so deeply in love. After crying for several days and feeling sorry for myself I was starting to become angry and hateful. I started to lose my faith and question God. I became lost and trapped in my own world that I could not see the bigger picture.
I was offered the opportunity to join my mother and friends for a post wedding celebration cookout for one of her friends. Usually I would have declined but I had the sudden urge to join them. I need to try to get my mind off of things and thought maybe this would help. I had only meet the bride and groom once before and they were very nice people. Once I arrived everyone was laughing and having a great time eating crabs, listening to music. The bride and groom were enjoying each other’s company while dancing around the yard. I just sat at the table with my mother eating crabs with nothing but negative thoughts on my mind. I made sure nobody knew how I was feeling by having a fake smile on my face the whole time. Even their joy could not bring me back to reality.
I sat there thinking to myself they are so lucky to be in love, something must be wrong with me because I couldn’t keep my relationship. I will probably never get married nor have children. Then I begin to think of all the wrong things that happened in my relationship that was red flags that I should of notice. Even that didn’t make me feel better. I had enough and I was ready to go cry some more. I said my goodbyes to everyone and the bride came up to me. She said, “Thank you for coming.” Then she hugged me so tightly I could not breathe and she whispered in my ear, “God loves you, please listen to his voice. He speaks to you from up above and he knows your heart better than anyone else. Do not ignore him, he loves you.”
I was in shock, I had no words. I just looked at her with a blank expression and said “I know God does and thank you so much for sharing that with me.”
I left the cookout feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. A flow of joy and peace came over me. Once I got in my car I began to cry tears of joy and ask God to forgive me for questioning my faith and question the things he has in store for me. I thanked God for sending her as a vessel to speak to me to deliver the message of faith.
This is not my first experience with receiving a message from God. I know in my heart God spoke to me and that he wanted me to know he loves me. Everything that God does for you is for the greater good. There is something bigger he has planned for me and he did not want me to miss the opportunity by being in situation that stopped it from happening. I lost faith, I thought God could not hear my voice and had given up on me. We can easily give up on ourselves and our faith at times but God will never give up on us. God is always there for you and there is no greater love.
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered.” (Corinthians 13:4)
Colossians 3:23 says, “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not to men.” So every effort you make to reconcile is recieved by the Lord, even if you do not receive acknowledgement from the daughter’s father.
The Lord looks at our hearts. The Bible says in 1 Samuel 16:7 that God does not look as the world looks. We look at outward appearance (actions) but He looks at the heart. He is the only one who can see men’s hearts, and He judges by the condition of the heart, not by outwardly visible works.
The Lord knows your heart. And He also knows the heart of the father. If I had made a sincere attempt to reconcile, I would rest in that humility and ask Jesus to take it from there in the other person’s heart. We can offer apology, amends, and reconciliation. That is our part. The other person has the choice of receiving what we offer. Forgiveness what they face, but this does not involve you.
Knowing my vulnerability around having just broken off an relationship in a less than ideal way, I would pray and ask God to relieve me of any sense of rejection that I might be feeling. I’d also ask Him to help me let go of a need for approval or forgiveness from the father, and also a need to control the father and the situation, or the outcome — whether or not I could make contact, get him to listen to me, etc. I’d also ask forgiveness for placing greater value on a thing, “the ring” rather than on relationship. All things belong to God and come from Him. The temptation to place priority on something the world values — a material possession, is a slip in discernment. But, we all can slip. That’s the part though, that was the enemy’s toe-hold to push you out of peace and into his trap.
If you have sought forgiveness from the natural father and also Father God, then what is required next of you is repentance — to turn away from the sin and to turn toward the Father, in obedience. That is where your responsibility lies.
If you have not read the Bible, as in cover to cover, I encourage you to do so. It is a formidable task. It is worth it. There will be places when you might get hung up, for one reason or another– you might not understand what you have read, or the purpose of it, or the order of events, or the reason for things taking place. Still. I encourage you to keep going anyway. Just keep reading and asking the Lord to help let it settle in you. It will be something you will never forget, and by the time you get to the end of it, you will be a new person. It is impossible to read the Bible and it not change you for the better.
I also encourage you to choose an easily readable translation for this purpose. Something like the New Living Translation … the King James is lovely in so many ways, and yet not the text for reading large passages at one sitting.
I did this — i read the whole Bible cover to cover. It took me months. I was riveted at times and did not want to put it down. At other times, I did not want to keep reading. I felt convicted, confused, worried too, lol… But, then there is God. He is a grace-giving, merciful and loving God who forever seeks His people. And you belong to Him. But in order to know what not to do, you need to know what to do, very well. The Bible is full of good and wise guidance. Also, in order to recognize an anti-christ, you will need to know Christ very well, to be able to spot the difference. Reading God’s word through and through will help you in many ways and I would say is a more profitable goal.
You mentioned Laban and Jacob. That relationship is wrought with complexity. More than meets the eye at first glance. It is an excellent relationship to study in depth. At first, Laban appears as the “bad guy” because he swaps out Rachel on the wedding night for Leah, and “traps” Jacob. But Laban was not the only one ignoring agreements. It was customary in the Jewish people to marry the elder daughter first, and Jacob would have known this. Jacob first chose to “side-step” the traditional agreement when he sought after Rachel first, by-passing Leah. And the Bible clearly says it was Rachel’s beauty — outward appearance, that attracted him and caused him to do this… He was mesmerized by something in the material — lust.
What about Leah? She was the overlooked daughter, who was not “lovely” to look at. She was the rejected one, who in her own heart had to overcome resentment and jealousy and when she finally did, the son she bore that she promised to dedicate to God in surrender to her shadowed life behind her beautiful sister, that son became the lineage to Jesus. See Genesis 29:35. “Once again Leah became pregnant and gave birth to another son. She named him Judah, for she said, “Now I will praise the LORD!” And then she stopped having children.”
Once her heart was clear, and her surrender was complete, she birthed Judah, and made way for the coming of the Lord.
Rachel the younger and desired wife to Jacob, continued to value idols, and stole her father’s idols when they left his home. She, the image of lustful possession in Jacob’s eyes, also lustfully wished to possess her father’s idols and lied that she had taken them.
Rachel births Joseph who is a mighty biblical figure and so it is not to say that because these people had sin in their hearts that God did not bless them and call them for His purpose. It is to say, that the complexity of lives and decisions and motives in these lives is deep and much can be gleaned from them.
I bless you and pray for the Lord’s wisdom and discernment for you. He is the answer and has the answer you are seeking. Matthew 6:33 says to seek Him first. Then the rest will follow.
The Bible says (I think its in proverbs) if you could desire two things, ask for wisdom and discernment.
You’ll gain those by knowing the Bible.
Faith comes by HEARING. Hearing comes by the Word of God. The Word will allow you to HEAR the answers you seek. And from this hearing, your faith will expound. And this expounding will grow you and bless you.
:)
Learn to live in the peace and love of Jesus which He has lovingly bought for you. Seek this first.