I was recently browsing documents on my laptop when I found a letter that I wrote when I was suffering from depression. You can see the letter below.
26 October, 2010
Hi, my name is Jackie. I’m 16 years old. I go to a youth group where we do bible studies every week. I go to church every Sunday. I have a lot of friends who really care about me. I have a loving and supportive family. I believe that God is my
heavenly father and he answers prayer.Yesterday I was diagnosed with depression.
I have been suffering from depression for a few months but it was only just recently that it got much worse.
I feel constantly confused. I am easily agitated, have lack of interest in things that I normally love, feel detached from my friends and family, cry a lot, have trouble concentrating, keep looking for an escape, feel no purpose or motivation, constantly forget things, feel numb and have trouble doing some of the most basic everyday tasks.
When I had all these things happening to me, I was scared; I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I was blaming myself, I felt I was being selfish, acting in that way that worried everyone, and I was so terrified when I learnt I had no control over it. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. So when the doctor diagnosed me with depression, I felt a sense of relief. I know this will sound strange, but I’ve been so happy since being diagnosed. I feel a sense of hope, that now that my family and I know what is wrong with me, we can do something about it.
When it first became obvious to my parents that I had depression, they started praying over me and telling me to let God heal me, When I didn’t get any better, they got angry at me saying I didn’t have enough faith.
I hit rock bottom, just a few days ago I was at a point where even my parents wouldn’t listen to me or help me. I felt stupid for feeling depressed; I thought that it was something that I should be able to control myself and just stop. I also felt bad for my family; I could see that my depression was having a bad impact on them.
My Dad stopped smiling and my Mum would cry when she thought I wasn’t listening. My little sister and brother were scared; they didn’t know what was happening to me. I didn’t know what was happening to me either. I was so confused. I’d wake up in the morning and not want to get out of bed, I couldn’t think of any reason to. I don’t have trouble getting out of bed anymore because now when I wake up, I praise the Lord and ask him to bless my day.
Although depression is a terrible thing, I feel that God may have a purpose for this. I know that I can overcome this with God’s help and when I’m healed of this depression, I am going to have an amazing testimony and be able to help others.
Just because I’ve been diagnosed with depression, doesn’t mean I have to act depressed; I’m going to be filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit, and be the happiest depressed person anyone has ever seen.
When I read this, I feel so blessed and overwhelmed with God’s love. He saved me from my pit of despair. He emptied my heart of all its unforgiveness, guilt and hurt and filled it with his healing everlasting love.
I am 17 years old and completing my last year of high school. When I graduate in 6 months’ time I am going to go on to study and become a Christian Depression Recovery Workshop facilitator. I don’t know when or how, but those are the exact words that God has said to me, and I know that this is what he wants me to do. I yearn to help others going through what I went through and pray that they can find God’s love just as I did.
God Bless everyone,
Jackie.
Praise the Lord brother, God bless you so much, your testimony has been a motivation to me, Jesus bless you immensely amen 🙂
Im going thru the same phase of depression…I know & i can that God will heal me completely oneday & i will work among the Depressed group of this world , I know god has allowed this so that i can be a testimony to others…
Rakesh
India
MY DEAR YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST BLESSED PEOPLE ALIVE (FAR FROM DEPRESSED…DEPRESSION IS THE LIES OF THE DEVIL)…THANKS FOR YOUR POST I WAS DEPRESSED LAST YEAR ….START SPEAKING IN PAST TERMS AND BELIEVE IT YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE TIME(Colossians 1:12-14
New International Version (NIV)
12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[a] to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. 13 For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.)
Note Colossians 1:12-14, he has already done it all we have to do is believe it christ conquered all this things on the cross…dont give up my dear GOD BLESS
I’m so happy for you. May God bless you everyday of your life. You can do anything you put your mind to. Follow your heart and trust in god always.
God is definitely working through you! I was dealing with anxiety/depression really bad a few weeks ago but I feel myself being lifted from that pit. I found this to be very inspiring.
This is amazing I know just how you feel God has saved me from 4 depressions isn’t that amazing something to glorify God for and like you I have been feeling a calling to create a Christian Institution where I can help people with depression and other mental illnesses, how? I don’t know. It is sad when people believe you cannot pass through a depression with being a Christian and all but I think people like us go through this so we can feel what others without Christ feel and therefore make a change, be the difference in the world :D. We all have a mission and imagine a place where there are doctors, christian psychologist, psychiatrist but the difference would be we would put God first and even have a church inside so we can not only help people physically but introduce them to Christ who is the greatest healer of all! 😀 Thanks for sharing!