My birth mother was only 16 when I was born. She gave me up for adoption and then took me back. She gave me up the second time when I was 8 months old and was adopted by a loving Christian family. My mom raised my sister and I up in church and my father didn’t go to church unless it was Christmas or Easter.
I became heavily involved in church with choir and missions and church camp; but it wasn’t enough. I was just going through the motions. I was a hypocrite. I would be all about Jesus on Sundays and live every other day of the week the way I wanted.
When I was 14, I started dating guys behind my parents back. My first boyfriend was emotionally and verbally abusive; we dated for three years. I started cutting myself at 15 and at 16 someone noticed and got me help. My second boyfriend was physically abusive. Through all of that I started giving up on the whole religion thing.
When I started college. I completely stopped going to church. I began attempting ways to fill the void in my heart. I tried drugs and liquor and then I started jumping from relationship to relationship.
One night I went to a party at my best friend’s house where I was drugged and raped by her brother’s best friend. When I told her she said I was a liar and if I said no he would have stopped. After that I slipped into a deep depression. My roommate would invite me to church and try to fix me the only way she knew how.
I decided I needed to change the way I was doing things; I tried to change myself. So, I transferred schools and everything was going okay for a couple of months then I found my way into trouble again. This time I got caught. I was suspended from school.
That’s when I realized I couldn’t do it alone. I needed help. I cried out to God; He changed me. However, after all I did, I kept thinking that I wasn’t good enough; I’m not worthy enough for God. I just kept thinking I don’t deserve Him.
Finally, in 2013, I realized the truth in that. Yes, I am far from worthy, and I am definitely not good enough. However, that is the truth in God’s grace. We were dead because of our sins, and it is only by God’s grace that I am saved!
God saved me by His grace when I believed, and I can’t earn it because it is a gift from God. He loves me just as I am despite the sins of the past. Because He is rich in grace and mercy I am forgiven.
Thanks for your testimony.
I felt a kind of connection with you, because I found similar problems and feeling with mine in your story.
I also used to cut myself. I don’t know why. Sometimes when I became scared, it helped me calm down.
I am in really hard situation now but I am trying to stay in the arms of God. Your story gave me a power.
Thank you again.
I pray for you.
GOD IS SO GOOD!!!! Just minutes ago he called me to Him. I cried before him with all my problems and as I looked at the wall there Jesus WAS, arms stretched out. I could not understand how much He loves us and How much His grace is but I know He will never leave us or forsake us.
He is love. He looks at us differently as we look at our selves. I do not deserve Him but because of His love He chose us and not us Him. I denied Him so many times in front of friends, even mocked Him. But he helped me so many times. I had dreams, visions about Him.
He is worthy. There is no one other than Him. Blessed be his name and his father the GOD of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and may God’s fire fall on the devil for each soul he deceives and lies to. In Jesus name GOD REBUKES HIM the father of lies AMEN AMEN AMEN.
Brothers and sisters pray for my victory tomorrow. I got a trial at work. I know my victory is there by GODS mercy. I will make it through the storm.