How I Learnt about God’s Protection

It all started at the doctors appointment mum had. Well actually it started days before that but to cut the story short and get to the main points it was my fault. I was decieved in my mind because my mind is my weakest spot. I thought there were angels standing around me praying for me and i asked them to come into my body. NOW I KNOW THAT IS NOT TRUE lol I know it was really silly of me but i learnt my lesson.

So then it started off from there. I had different voices, i was strangling myself, i was actually having fun cause i thought that my family was with me because i was lonley at the time.

I would have my favourite auntys voice, my uncles voice and all these different type of voices. I even thought i had god’s voice ! Let’s just say the demons ( if it was demons ) were having fun. Anyway wherever i looked i would see demons on the curtain, on the couch even in the clouds ! Just smiling and scaring me ! The demons i saw on the curtain and couches would be fighting eachother, i even saw them on the walls ! So lets just say i had no ecape in my house. I was even introduced to a ghost witch ( result of being involved in witchcraft at the age of 8 and 14 , I’m 20 now ). The voices in me would say ” Come here let us introduce you to your witch “. Off goes the light , there i saw a ghost witch with flies flying around its head lying on my bed. I was afraid of course ! I even saw ghost curtains, went through a process of believing that this boy was satan’s son and i was god’s daughter and i had to save him ! I would spin around and around and around and thought i’d changed ages. I even thought I was in heaven and I’d look out my window and think that every house would belong to a special person that god had instore for them and that they were rich houses that he had. The sky would be blue and there were doves flying around too it was peacefull ! I even got to the point where “benjamin” was my little brother and i had to save him from satan !

So yes i was greatly decieved ! I believed the devil was laughing at me the whole time but he had no idea that god was waiting to protect me. To shower his upon me =].

The day my faith hit rockbottom was on a Sunday. I kept telling mum i was sick but she didn’t believe me. She got out the bible and started reading, but as soon as I looked at it all the words started to change into the exact opposite …. talk about a satan bible ! Everything was like THOU SHALT LIE THOU SHALL MAKE IDOLS etc etc and i was afraid and lost hope in getting better.

Anyway I went with mum to her doctor’s appointment and sat there with her. It was weird cause now I was HEARING the voices that SOUNDED like my aunty’s voice that I had in ME.
I sat there and listened for awhile and they were calling me and LAUGHING so hard off their face they could’ve fell off whatever they were sitting on. They were saying ” look she can hear us ! ” and laughing so hard. I walked to the toilets to wash my face, to my surprise no voices. It seemed that the toilets was my safe spot, I have no idea why but the toilets was where i felt safe. Anyway I walked back to mum and she got up and went in with the doctor while I waited. All of a sudden everyones faces slowly started to change into monsters. It was then that i believed I was in hell and needed to wake up quickly before things were too late. But little did I know that the day it all started it was ALREADY too late. I bet Satan couldn’t laugh any harder. When I looked at tv and saw all the bad disastrous things that were happening I wanted to get out of hell straight away ! I walked outside and drank my last bottle of water.

All of a sudden it started to get hot… and I mean ..REALLY hot. It wasn’t even hot that day ! It was freezing cold !
I stood there looked up as the sky turned into black , turned to the buildings and the had ashes all around them , even the ground ! I decided that because I was in “hell” I had to find a way to escape. I walked around looking for a church , but then because I was loosing faith and thought I was in hell I had the belief that church was an occult and it’s where they learn about satan.

So i turned around and nearly jumped off a bridge, the only thing that stood in my way was this big black bird. I was afraid it would pluck me eyes out so i kept walking up and down the same path. Mum then drove past and I jumped in the car as she gave me a lecture on walking off like that, but obviously she didn’t know what was going on. As i looked at the sky they started to fill with monster clouds and ashes ! It started to get hotter .

We were on our way to the plaza/shops. Mum went in to do her shopping, I stayed in the car. The car started to change into something rusty. I put on the radio and all i heard was my brothers hiphop secular music and it was all evil to my ears and started to scare me so I kept changing every song to see if there was any about god. None.
I got out the car and tried to kill myself to get runned over cause I thought that since I was hell I might as well do it since I had no escape. I even tried to drive the car so I could crash and kill myself but praise the lord I cannot drive! I forgot to put the handbrake down LOL ! Mum came back and saw the car window down with nobody inside.
Upset she drove me back home.

That’s when all the spinning and singing and everything started.
My brother & mum were getting ready to go to the shops again cause it was her 60th birthday and how dare I ruin that birthday !

To cut things short . I was running around touching everything cause I believed that if I did it would be blessed. But dad kept following me and I thought he was demon lol He tried to explain to me how sorry he was and showed me a picture of my great grandmother who passed away when i was 9. But when I did look at it all i saw was 8 demons staring back at me in the picture and I ran off. I ran straight to the computer to find a gospel song and I kept going back to “Fred Hammond – Your Love Is ” . And because i believed I was in hell I wanted everyone to know I was here and I knew they’d hate it but I wanted them to know that I was a witness to God so I blasted up the computer speakers as loud as it could go . My dad came in and all of a sudden I just thought he was Satan So I kept punching him asking him to give back “Benjamin” . Then my brother discouraged my faith as I started preaching to him out of nowhere , I’d find every verse relating to ” Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life” . But I didn’t know that that verse was for me ! My was being attacked and I didn’t realise it ! I must’ve let Satan in my heart without knowing what I was getting into ! I told my parents that I’d go to the shops just to escape them.

I nearly killed myself by walking into the nearby lake but because I’m scared of water I dared not to. The voices would tell me to walk in because it was the only way I’d get to heaven or earth and be safe again ! I then refused because of my fear and walked back to the path I was on. I heard voices mocking my age saying i was 4 then 8 then 9 etc. The ground was full of ashes and i felt as though my feet were burning through the soles of my shoes. My dad then rang and came and picked me up. Took me back home. And then I went upstairs to get changed.
Went upside down in the shower and nearly died drowning in the shower, all I was thinking about was god and I didn’t even care if I died cause I knew it was for a good cause, but then i remembered god teaching me about temptation and I saw a picture of a crocodile then i fell down !

I ran outside and started spinning around cause i believed that it was the only way to get to heaven. But funny thing was even though I believed i was in hell I was spinning around singing praises to god. Mainly the song ” Fred Hammond – Your love is. I would sing out to god and I’d hear voices telling me WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ! And cursing and swearing tell me to shut up ! I dare not to cause my faith relyed on my singing to god. I got dizzy and fell down and felt as if the grass was going around my arms and the vines crawling upon me holding me down, the grass felt so sticky and sharp. I went back inside and started spinning around singing out loudly to god, thats when my faith hit rock bottom.

When my mum & brother returned home I felt as if demons were laughing at me, discouraging me . They tried to pull me back in but I was too strong for the 3 of them ! and my dad is a big man ! I ran straight back out and started singing again to god I would’nt give up ! I was screaming Repent repent for the kingdom is near ! All of a sudden I was afraid and I started screaming out He’s coming ! He’s coming ! Jesus is coming ! I have no idea why i was afraid lol ! I don’t know if it was me or the demon lol ! When my faith hit rock bottom I was weak and had no faith and didn’t believe in god anymore. I felt that there was no god and it was all a lie and I was depressed as i was spinning around for nothing . All of a sudden i felt a power overcome me ! I started spinning around and acted like/felt like i was being hit with words and out of nowhere the words LOVE JOY PEACE HAPPINESS COMFORT etc ALL THE FRUITS OF THE HOLYSPIRIT came out of my mouth and i kept repeating it over and over and over and i knew that the lord was comforting me. But then my family dragged me back in the house.

I ran upstairs and was about to jump out the window till my brother growled me to come back inside !
I came back inside and there standing before me were about 8 or 9 people…and what did i see ? 8 or 9 demons standing there with big smiles on their faces happy to see me .

The polynesians sometimes believe that there are ghosts around so they tried to put this medicine in me to take the ghost away and i heard a voice in me say a name but i dare not say it because how the bible says that once your dead your dead. I was actually about to say LUST GLUTTONY and all these other sins but i couldn’t , when I was about to say those words the faces around me didn’t look happy at all so i kept quiet . I was lying there and as they put the medicine in i thought they drugging me so i spat it back out. All of a sudden the walls changed into green moss and had insects all over them ( im afraid of insects) and then it dissapeared. The people were asking me ( well the demons ) were asking me , WHERE IS HE NOW ? and i go who ? and they go .. WHO ARE YOU CALLING TO ? with a big smile on their face and laughing at me. I didn’t say a word.

We went downstairs and they tried again. Didn’t work. I then got up and looked around i saw a monster, a zombie, gluttony pride lust etc those were the demons i saw in people but little did i know that those demons were in me !

Because i had the belief of being god’s daughter i started singing praises to the lord non-stop. I didn’t care if they weren’t happy I just kept singing praises. My dad was holding me back but I tried to break free because I don’t like it when men hold me ( I was sexually abused when i was 6-11 years thats why).

The police then came and asked me if I was on drugs and never in my life have I been on drugs ! ever ! or was an alcoholic either ! They took me to the hospital where the voices continued. I sat there with confidence.
And remembered the song sung at my baptism . Emotions – Peace be still …

Master.. the tempest is raging .. the billows the billows are tossing high … the sky is over shadowed with blackness..no hope .. no help is nigh .. the wind and the rain shall obey thy will .. peace be still peace be still oh peace be still peace be still ..

and thats how my experience went. Exactly like the song. When i looked at the sky it was all black and bats were flying around. When i looked at the hospital staff I only saw Zombies, nothing else. They then transferred me to another hospital and on the way God was comforting me with pure songs like beyonce – halo and ” say a little prayer for you ” . Any other song that wasn’t pure was from hell , well that’s what I believed at the time. I went to the hospital , looked up at the sky ( heaven) and told god I’d come back.

For months i was tormented with demons ! Every time i closed my eyes i’d see demons. Even the feeling of someone sitting down on my bed, footsteps walking around my room and dreams too . Even saw them through people. I’d sit down and pretend there was children there to teach them the bible. Mum came in and everytime she did i’d reject them all the time. But then one day I was back to normal and she said that nanna prayed a prayer for me to get better ( she lives overseas) . It shows how powerful prayer is.

But then I slowly came back to reality. And here i am now ! How i learnt about god’s comfort, timing, love and protection . Sounds strange this story, but it happened. And it was the best of day of my life

Take care

2 Comments

  1. Gail 5/4/2010
  2. Lady_Anonymous 5/4/2010

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