I know this testimony seems long, but if you have the time, please read it completely. Thanks!
Hi. My name is Raeann. I am a 16-year-old girl that used to be extremely shy. I attend a relatively small church, and in church I was usually just a spectator. I would never participate or worship God. The most I would do is clap; and even that was pushing limits for me.
I was more than just quiet. I was silent. I would not say a word to anyone when I was much younger. I would just smile when people talked to me. I would never answer them. I would nod my head when it was necessary when they asked me a question. I was so shy I wouldn’t even talk to my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. Most of them never even knew what my speaking voice sounded like. My mom, dad, and brother were the only ones that knew how much I really talked, and when I got home, I did talk a lot to them.
As time passed, I slowly started to open up. I never even got close to being talkative, but I would at least talk. When I did begin to talk my voice was very quiet and to some people it seemed inaudible. Many nights I cried and asked God to free me from my fear and shyness. I thought it had such a strong grip on me. I was to the point that I hated being shy, it was almost like I was invisible. People would walk over me, and I would never even stick up for myself.
I had an extremely hard time in school due to my shyness. I felt almost as if it was a curse to be shy because I did not benefit anything from it. Well even still when I began to talk, I still never worshiped in church. I began to realize my shyness was a bigger problem than I thought. I noticed that my shyness prevented me from worshipping my Lord and Savior. I knew something was wrong.
I would get very nervous over the littlest things, like talking in front of a small group of people. That was my biggest fear; talking and being in front of large groups of people. I began to accept my shyness and I thought I would be shy and suffer from the effects of shyness for the rest of my life. But God had different plans for me!
It all happened on a day of church. I thought it would just be a normal service, but it wasn’t. The service that day was pretty much based on worshipping God. I felt very uncomfortable because it seemed like everyone around me was worshipping Him, but I was not. The most I was doing was clapping my hands. I wanted to praise God, I longed to praise him, but something was holding me back. I felt like I was just not capable of worship. It was as if something was holding my arms down and keeping my mouth shut.
There was an alter call for people that felt that they were being bondaged by fear. I knew that I should go up, and I knew that fear was holding me back from praising God. I knew I should go up, but I did not. I was even too fearful to go up. A few people went up and got prayed for, but not me; I was too afraid to go up.
After the people were prayed for my pastor said now let’s all worship God. I now felt very uncomfortable because I was not praising God and I did not go up for the alter call when I knew I should have. Later on into the worship my pastor came to me and told me I should be worshipping God and praising his name, and that God wants me to praise him.
My heart began to beat rapidly as he walked away; my shyness was kicking in. I made an attempt to try clapping louder but I changed my mind. I still was not worshiping God. It just seemed too hard for me to do. I guess my pastor saw I still was not praising him, and he came back to me. He asked me if I was a Christian and I replied yes, I was. He then asked me why I was not praising God, and I truly did not have an answer, so I told him I did not know.
He then told me he isn’t trying to scare me, and he isn’t trying to say I have a demon, but he said that it was demonic. He said everyone should be able to worship God freely and if we cannot there may be demonic activity is preventing us from doing that. He then asked me to repeat some things after him such as, I break all generational curses, etc.
After I repeated him, he prayed for me. I do not remember exactly what he prayed but it was pretty much of removing everything that was trying to come against me. As he prayed for me, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. After he prayed, he said now go ahead Raeann, praise God.
I took a deep breath, and I began to open my mouth to praise God. It was extremely hard for me, but I did open my mouth and I started saying I love you God, I worship you; things like that. He then said keep going Raeann I believe God has a breakthrough for you in that area of worship. It was very hard for me, and I still was not speaking loud but I was telling God I loved him, which I never did before in public. Not too long after worship simmered to a close.
The sermon began and I think it was something about freedom or worship. I thought God was finished with me, but he wasn’t. In the middle of the sermon my pastor turned to me and said Raeann God said you are a songbird. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, he was talking to me on the mike in front of the whole congregation. But one thing I actually was not feeling nervous as I normally would.
Well, he then went off to say that he saw me singing in front of many people and them falling under the anointing of God. I was amazed. No one had ever heard me sing but my brother. I was ashamed to even sing in front of my parents. I knew I could sing but my fear always held me back.
He then asked me to come up so that he could pray for me. He prayed for me, and I felt God’s presence again. He then asked two ladies to come and minister to me. They came and started praying. One of the ladies asked me to raise my hands as if in full surrender. That was very uncomfortable for my shyness, but I did anyway. I had my eyes snapped shut, then she said Raeann tell me when you’re ready to open your eyes. Right when I did open my eyes I started crying, and my cry very rapidly turned to a loud sob.
Then next thing I knew I was screaming to the top of my lungs. I did not realize I was screaming until I noticed I was on the floor. The ladies helped me up and then said that I needed to fill the empty spaces in me with the Holy Spirit. I got up lifted my hands and started shouting out the name of Jesus. I was yelling at the top of my lungs and then I started screaming again uncontrollably.
Long story short, I was delivered.
And I am here to tell you today that me, once a shy girl that did not say a word to almost anyone, is now in front of the congregation leading praise and worship with the praise team every Sunday. I am truly amazed by how powerful God is. I thought I would never be free, but he freed me. He truly amazes me because even when you start to give up on God, he will never give up on you. He loves us even if we run away from him.
At first it was hard for me to praise God, but obedience is very important. I praised Him even though it was extremely hard, and in return he consumed me with His love. His mercies are new every morning. GOD IS REAL. I thank him for all that He has done and all that he will do.
I still face trials and tests from day to day with shyness (so please keep me in your prayers) but they are only making me stronger and equipping me for the things to come. I will trust in God, and I know that I will soon fully jump in to all that he has called me to do with no fear. Greater things are yet to come.
No matter what age you are- young or old, no matter what sin you have committed or what you have done GOD LOVES YOU. I hope my testimony has blessed you, even if it is in the smallest way.
Thanks for reading!
Contact me by email: rmcampayne at yahoo dot com