While I was fasting, Holy Spirit told me to write this testimony to help others. I grew up in Europe in Catholic environment, but I was lost. For me it was more about traditions than personal relationship with our God. 7 years ago, I moved to United States, gave up my professional job, got married, had kids. My life turned upside down.
After long period of stress, worries, loneliness, dealing with friends’ sickness, death in family, my son’s behavioral problems, failing marriage I developed anxiety and panic disorder. Fear, worries, stress ruled in my life. I was constantly worried how I felt. If I am going to faint, die, loose my mind. It was all I was able to think. Medication was not helping. My heart was racing almost all the time.
When I reached deep bottom, I started reading bible and praying. And one day God talked to me for the first time ever. He told me to find church. On Sunday we were there. The first sermon was how God speaks to us!
During next months my life was changing. My husband and I got marriage counselling. I was able to deal with panic attack and anxiety much better, but they were still there. I didn’t know why. During the fasting God revealed me I don’t need to worry about being good enough for him! That was it. Before I missed the point. I was trying to “get points” from God for my actions. I felt guilty because I was failing God daily. I wanted to be perfect, but it is not possible.
My faith was getting stronger. The biggest thing was that I learnt I can’t trust my feelings, understanding and thoughts. Trust your faith inside your heart. If bad thoughts, fears and worries come don’t pay attention to them. Just trust your faith and know God is with you and these thoughts never come from him. God always wins.
It was and is long process. I still have anxiety and panic, but I don’t let them lead my life. When I feel it coming, I just trust in God and pray in the name of Jesus for strength and trust in him with all my heart. I am actually thankful for my panic attacks because they brought me to God. Maybe my anxiety never goes completely away and I don’t want it to go away. It takes me to God and shows me his power. He is always with us.