I always knew as a child that I was a believer of God, I never knew though, what it was to be a christian. I attended church services being a Catholic. It was only upon insight of the spiritual relationship my friend and her family had being Seventh Day Adventists that I began to know God in  a different way. My relationship with God began at the age of 13, 14. However as I was coming to know Christ i also lived a life of curiosity as teens do. It was when I went against what I believed and lost my virginity that I became filled with shame, and never quite recovered. I believe it was the devil that made me believe that I wasn’t worthy of Gods forgiveness for years I lived in a dark place, filled with emptiness. I learnt how to live a life that didn’t include God and discovered ‘temporary pleasures’, living in the moment an unsatisfying and empty life. I had feelings of depression and spiritual emptiness. I cried out to God only in moments of desperation, but quickly forgetting about God when those moments would pass. I moved out of my parents’ house in 2011, I thought I would experience freedom, I stumbled upon more temporary fixes and depression, loneliness and an emptiness in my heart and soul.I made attempts to call upon God , but felt no response only a giant wall between God and I. I felt the need for God in my life, recognizing that I’d never be happy unless God was in my life. But found myself stuck and unable to move and exchange for my old life of sin for a new life with God. In the moments that i lived sinfully I blocked out God and there was a point that I learnt how not to feel guilty for it either. Until my life hit rock bottom … my body did not feel right in which I needed medical help. To my disappointment I’d been diagnosed with herpes . Shame and desperation fell upon me, and the life I knew was crumbling before my eyes. My friends began to exclude me not because of my medical condition , nobody knew about that. I lost everything but found God. I realized that everything was now changing regardless of my readiness. Although I was filled with negativity and grief I began to call on God… and realized that it was Gods intervention because the life I was living was terrible. I couldn’t make the change to live the way God intended so God changed the circumstances in which I came to find my purpose. I attended church everyday since the beginning on 2012 and on the 8/01/2012 came across this reading that very much stuck with my Romans 12:1-2 ” Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind . Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good pleasing and perfect will. I was touched and began to keep a journal… I wasn’t saved yet but was finding myself and beginning to know God again.
I couldn’t sleep one night and felt the need to seek God. I found a dvd in my mums room by Joyce Meyer talking about ” Somethings Got to Change” I was so inspired and found all the answered my heart desired that night. The weeks that followed people had noticed that I had stopped cursing ( I hadn’t noticed) i felt calm and not depressed I had faith in God. I felt the difference he was making in my life. On the 5th Feb 2012 I attended a service that absolutely changed everything for me. I truely felt the presence of God. There was a guest Speaker and honestly regret not remembering his name. He called out diseases/injuries specific to individuals in the church and each person came up to own up to them and received healing. I cried and trembled and was a little bit terrified that I might get called up. I’m not trying to say that I needed to see something like that to have faith but I felt like God was trying to remind me that he is a  powerful God and that he is very real. That church service is when I felt God call me to make the step of receiving him as my Christ and Saviour. I know this because If anyone knew me they’d know I’m the most terrified person to put myself out there and to get up and be shaking in my stomach and walk to the front of the church alone? … Was the biggest thing I’ve done. After that point its like whenever I needed guidance I stumbled across the scriptures that brought me through those difficult times. I felt inspired and it was very noticeable and I just wanted to share the good news with everyone. I felt spiritual deliverance, I felt accepted by God and understood what it was to rejoice in his name. I came to understand a lot of things that I never understood before.I began to transform my life forgetting anger and had a strong desire for Christ’s presence in my life. Since God came into my life I have experienced a lot of blessings . The biggest one being…. after living with the idea of having herpes, seeking many medical experts I was told that I had been misdiagnosed and to consider myself lucky. I was in disbelief for a long time . But why am I surprised ? God is good through him all things are possible. This is a difficult journey but I know there will never be a point in my life that God wont be a part of. I’m so blessed! Thank you  Jesus
God! your testimony is wonderful the way how God
changed your heart through various circumstances and blessed you abundantly with His wisdom and divine nature. Everyone of us are called to live His very nature. And you
have already begun to see Him in you so much than before. God wants to reign in you so He can mould you perfectly into. His own nature and so you’ll be a representation of Christ’s love. Yes you might face many heartaches in your life ahead but the good news is the Lord is already preparing for the purpose He has for your life. And do not be guilty about anyth because guiltiness is the result of condemnation which comes from the Devil. Guilt takes us away from God. God doesn’t condemn us, He only convicts us.
John 3:18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.
And you’re not condemned because you’re a believer. So lets rejoice in Him. I would also like to draw your attention towards few scripture portions.
2 Corinthians 5:18 And all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
5: 19 To wit, God that was in Christ, reconciling the world unto Himself, NOT IMPUTING OR COUNTING THEIR TRESPASSES unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
Wonderful isn’t it.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear (guilt, doubt, anxiety) in LOVE (CHRIST). But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
Holy Spirit dwells in your heart so you are free, just believe and you’ll live the very freedom in His time.
2 Corinthians 13:7 Now we pray to God that you will not do anything wrong. Not that people will see that we have stood the test but that you will do what is right even though we may SEEM TO HAVE FAILED.
You may seem to fail tones of times but hold on pal, God is able to perfect His work in you that He has started. (I cant find the verse for this at this moment hehe) Now you may ask why shouldn’t you worry if you seem to fail…. why?
BECAUSE
2 Corinthians 13:8 For WE CANNOT do anything AGAINST the TRUTH, but only FOR the TRUTH.
So why dun we rejoice in Christ.
Y should you not?
Bible says : 13 For it is GOD WHICH WORKETH IN YOU both to WILL and to DO of his good pleasure.
And anyway,
Proverbs 20:24 A man’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?
And how does this transformation comes within us?
2 Corinthians 3:18 All of us are looking with unveiled faces at the glory of the Lord as if we were looking in a mirror. We are being transformed into that same image from one degree of glory to the next degree of glory. This COMES FROM THE LORD, who is the SPIRIT.
oki oki i finish it off here. I really dint intend to preach here, neve hehe. i’m an imperfect myself, what have I got in me to teach you. I’m just wanting to share all that God taught me.
And I actually started to type here to tell you how I’m astonished to look at the way the Lord is opening your eyes into all truth very rapidly. Its wonderful to see how the Lord has given you so much of wisdom to realise His love for you and to help you love Him back. Awesome. I can see the God taking control over your heart for His glory. The Lord is wonderful, He’s gonna use you mightily and shine His glory.
And yes it is even more sweet of God to let you believe the misdiagnosed disease and mould you during the time under your difficult circumstances and in the end He revealing the truth. You must have sighed a sense of relief then.
Wow thank you so much for that beautiful comment… its so nice to hear those kind words of encouragement to seek God further, and to know I’m not alone ;) Thank you for the scriptures you shared with me <3
:) :) :)
He giveth peace , not that which the world gives, but His own…..
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and Lean not unto your own understanding….in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will guide your path….Proverbs 3:5-6