I always knew as a child that I was a believer of God, I never knew though, what it was to be a christian. I attended church services being a Catholic. It was only upon insight of the spiritual relationship my friend and her family had being Seventh Day Adventists that I began to know God in Â a different way. My relationship with God began at the age of 13, 14. However as I was coming to know Christ i also lived a life of curiosity as teens do. It was when I went against what I believed and lost my virginity that I became filled with shame, and never quite recovered. I believe it was the devil that made me believe that I wasn’t worthy of Gods forgiveness for years I lived in a dark place, filled with emptiness. I learnt how to live a life that didn’t include God and discovered ‘temporary pleasures’, living in the moment an unsatisfying and empty life. I had feelings of depression and spiritual emptiness. I cried out to God only in moments of desperation, but quickly forgetting about God when those moments would pass. I moved out of my parents’ house in 2011, I thought I would experience freedom, I stumbled upon more temporary fixes and depression, loneliness and an emptiness in my heart and soul.I made attempts to call upon God , but felt no response only a giant wall between God and I. I felt the need for God in my life, recognizing that I’d never be happy unless God was in my life. But found myself stuck and unable to move and exchange for my old life of sin for a new life with God. In the moments that i lived sinfully I blocked out God and there was a point that I learnt how not to feel guilty for it either. Until my life hit rock bottom … my body did not feel right in which I needed medical help. To my disappointment I’d been diagnosed with herpes . Shame and desperation fell upon me, and the life I knew was crumbling before my eyes. My friends began to exclude me not because of my medical condition , nobody knew about that. I lost everything but found God. I realized that everything was now changing regardless of my readiness. Although I was filled with negativity and grief I began to call on God… and realized that it was Gods intervention because the life I was living was terrible. I couldn’t make the change to live the way God intended so God changed the circumstances in which I came to find my purpose. I attended church everyday since the beginning on 2012 and on the 8/01/2012 came across this reading that very much stuck with my Romans 12:1-2 ” Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind . Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good pleasing and perfect will. I was touched and began to keep a journal… I wasn’t saved yet but was finding myself and beginning to know God again.
I couldn’t sleep one night and felt the need to seek God. I found a dvd in my mums room by Joyce Meyer talking about ” Somethings Got to Change” I was so inspired and found all the answered my heart desired that night. The weeks that followed people had noticed that I had stopped cursing ( I hadn’t noticed) i felt calm and not depressed I had faith in God. I felt the difference he was making in my life. On the 5th Feb 2012 I attended a service that absolutely changed everything for me. I truely felt the presence of God. There was a guest Speaker and honestly regret not remembering his name. He called out diseases/injuries specific to individuals in the church and each person came up to own up to them and received healing. I cried and trembled and was a little bit terrified that I might get called up. I’m not trying to say that I needed to see something like that to have faith but I felt like God was trying to remind me that he is a Â powerful God and that he is very real. That church service is when I felt God call me to make the step of receiving him as my Christ and Saviour. I know this because If anyone knew me they’d know I’m the most terrified person to put myself out there and to get up and be shaking in my stomach and walk to the front of the church alone? … Was the biggest thing I’ve done. After that point its like whenever I needed guidance I stumbled across the scriptures that brought me through those difficult times. I felt inspired and it was very noticeable and I just wanted to share the good news with everyone. I felt spiritual deliverance, I felt accepted by God and understood what it was to rejoice in his name. I came to understand a lot of things that I never understood before.I began to transform my life forgetting anger and had a strong desire for Christ’s presence in my life. Since God came into my life I have experienced a lot of blessings . The biggest one being…. after living with the idea of having herpes, seeking many medical experts I was told that I had been misdiagnosed and to consider myself lucky. I was in disbelief for a long time . But why am I surprised ? God is good through him all things are possible. This is a difficult journey but I know there will never be a point in my life that God wont be a part of. I’m so blessed! Thank you Â Jesus