God Never Gave Up On Me

My life has been full of ups and downs. I’ve struggled with mental health and addiction, and there have been seasons where I followed God closely and others where I drifted far away. I’ve fallen more times than I can count, but God has never stopped reaching out to me.

The last time I walked away from Him, I found myself in one of the darkest places I’ve ever been – trapped in addiction, living in an abusive relationship, and feeling completely alone. I truly believed there was no way out. But even there, in the middle of my pain, God never let go of me.

The first time I truly experienced God’s love was after I got clean and began getting help for my mental health. I spent 30 days in a mental hospital, and when I was discharged, I moved in with my parents. CPS had taken my children, and I was fighting with everything I had to get them back. It was one of the hardest seasons of my life.

One day, on the way to church, the song “Love Me” by JJ Heller came on. As I listened to the words, something inside me broke. I felt God’s love wash over me so powerfully that my eyes filled with tears. In that moment, I knew without a doubt that God loved me unconditionally, no matter what I had done or where I had been. That moment marked the beginning of my healing and my journey back to Him.

After that, I started attending church faithfully, joined a Bible study, and worked hard to rebuild my life. Eventually, I regained custody of my children, and for several years life was good. God had restored what I thought I had lost forever.

Then COVID-19 changed everything.

I was still living with my parents, and my children were home because schools had closed. We decided that I would continue working, but to protect my parents, I kept my distance from my family. It was lonely and painful, but I believed I was doing the right thing.

For a while, I went to work and came home. But after a few months, I made one decision that changed everything. I went to a customer’s house, and that single choice became the beginning of my fall. People often talk about hitting rock bottom, but I never truly understood what that meant until I lived it myself.

I relapsed. I surrounded myself with people I thought were my friends, and I entered a relationship with someone who slowly changed who I was. I won’t go into every detail, but the abuse, addiction, and chaos lasted three or four years, but it felt like eternity. During that time, I lost pieces of myself. I became disconnected from my children, my family, and from the woman God created me to be. Every day felt heavy, and I felt trapped in a life I no longer recognized.

Yet even then, God never stopped pursuing me. In the darkest moments, He would remind me that He hadn’t abandoned me, even when I had wandered far from Him. God met me again in a way I’ll never forget. He didn’t speak with audible words. Instead, He filled me with His peace and joy so powerfully that I broke down in tears. It was as if He was gently reminding me, “I’m still here. I’ve never stopped loving you.”

I carried so much guilt and shame. I hated myself. I believed I didn’t deserve happiness, and I think that belief kept me trapped longer than anything else. I couldn’t forgive myself. I blamed myself for everything, even my boyfriend’s problems. Through all of it, I learned one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever faced: sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself.

Then everything changed.

My boyfriend went to jail, and I almost became homeless, but I found myself at MHMR, where they helped me get into a 30-day rehab program. At the time, I only agreed to go because it seemed better than living on the streets. But God had a much bigger plan than I could see.

Even then, I was still trying to hold on to the man who had abused me. But God was gently leading me somewhere new.

After rehab, instead of ending up back on the streets, I was accepted into a program called Oxford House, which helps people trying to get clean rebuild their lives. That’s where I began praying again. Day by day, God started putting the broken pieces of my life back together.

When I completed the program, I found a job, began reconnecting with my family, and started seeing life through new eyes. The closer I grew to God, the more I realized that the relationship I was clinging to wasn’t His plan for me. With His strength, I finally walked away from my abuser and began living in the freedom that only Jesus can give.

Today, I am three years clean.

God has continued to bless me in so many ways. One of the greatest blessings was restoring my relationship with my family. Because of His grace, I was able to spend the last few years of my dad’s life with him before he passed away. That time together is something I will always treasure.

When my dad passed away, I wasn’t there with him. I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye, and that broke my heart. Three days later, I had a dream. I know it was just a dream, but the peace and emotions I felt were so real. In the dream, my dad and I were simply talking. I remember crying in the dream, and when I woke up, I was still crying.

I can’t say for certain what that dream was, but I truly believe God used it to bring comfort to my heart and give me a sense of peace that I desperately needed. To me, it felt like He was giving me the opportunity to say goodbye. Whether it was the dream itself or the peace God gave me through it, I know He met me in my grief just as He has met me in every other season of my life.

About seven months later, I was driving home in a car I had gotten just three months before. On my way home, I was listening to the Bible. It was Leviticus, and Moses was building the tabernacle. I was at a four-way intersection and thought it was clear, but I was so wrong. I was hit right on the driver’s side. It happened so fast. When I came to, all I could hear was “tabernacle” over and over in my head. I know things could have been so much worse. By God’s grace, I walked away with a broken leg and bruises.

Because of my injuries, I couldn’t work for three months. I received disability through my job, but it wasn’t enough to cover everything. I didn’t know how I was going to make it, but once again, God showed Himself faithful. Month after month, He provided exactly what I needed and carried me through that difficult season.

Then God blessed me again. My stepmom found me another car – an even newer one than the one I had lost. It was another reminder that even when life seems to fall apart, God is still working. He has always taken care of me and has never failed to provide for my needs.

I’m back at work now, but things are different. While I was out, my paycheck changed, and now I make less than I did before. But God continues to provide for me every single day. I still pay my bills, I still have everything I need, and I know I’m not doing this on my own. Looking back, I realize I never was.

One of the greatest lessons God has taught me is that He never leaves us. So many times, we feel like God has abandoned us, but the truth is, He’s always there. More often than not, we’re the ones who drift away from Him. Even then, He patiently waits with open arms, ready to welcome us back.

Following Jesus doesn’t mean life becomes perfect. We will still face pain, loss, disappointments, and difficult seasons. But when you have a relationship with God, those hard days don’t have the same power over you anymore. You don’t have to carry every burden by yourself because God is carrying them with you. His peace is greater than our fear, His strength is greater than our weakness, and His love never fails.

Looking back over my life, I can clearly see that God never gave up on me, not for a single moment. It wasn’t God who walked away. I was the one who drifted. But His mercy never failed, His grace never ran out, and His love never stopped reaching for me.

If my story teaches anything, it’s this: no one is too far gone for Jesus. No matter how broken you are, how much shame you carry, or how many times you’ve fallen, God can restore what seems impossible. He did it for me.

If you’re reading this, please don’t give up. Keep fighting and say, God, I need you I can’t do this by myself. That’s all you have to do, just ask.

I am living proof that God’s grace changes everything.