On March 1st, 2009 I wrote about a very personal ordeal. I wrote about my breaking heart as a result of a broken relationship with a man who was seven years younger than me. The article was called Heart Break. I wrote about my pain and many of you reached out to me offering your support, advise and empathetic ear. Today I have a very different story to tell. I have to share with you the amazing triumph that God gives us in our times of distress, how truly we do not begin to understand the love that God has for us and how that love shines through even in our darkness moments.
I remember in March of last year everything I thought to be true I began to question, I even questioned God’s love for me because I felt that if He truly loved me then why was he allowing me to go through such pain. The one day I was unable to get out of bed, I called in sick for work and something wonderful happened. I crawled out of bed, went on my knees, and why looking through my windows at the clear blue morning sky I said God I no longer want this love that I feel in my heart for this man, I am asking you to remove this love, take it away from me please because you know best what to do with it, because I don’t.
That same day I began to feel better, I felt like a burden was lifted from my shoulders, my heart felt light and empty. That same night I realized the love I had for my ex was gone, the feeling of it was no longer there, and so I asked God to fill the void I was now feeling in my heart as a result of the missing love. Believe when I say that God filled the void. He filled it perfectly with His love. I began to consume myself with God and with the Word. I began praying more, I began reading my bible more, I began listening to preachings, I began to fill myself up.
My story doesn’t end there. It was September of 2009 and I felt very differently about life, I had a new sense of self, I felt closer to God than ever before, I was so happy and content with God. I also knew I was ready. I was ready to love again. I was ready to be loved again. I was more secure in myself, I was more secure in how I deserved to be love and be treated. I started praying for a husband. I even got a journal and one day I wrote in the journal telling God that I was ready for my husband to come into my life.
A week later while at work, my cell phone rang, and it was long distance phone number. I assumed it was my brother back in Jamaica trying to get a hold of me, so I called back the number. When the person answered it wasn’t my brother. It was someone I considered more special.
When I was 12 years old and living in Jamaica, I sneaked out of the house to follow my aunt to a street party. She wasn’t aware I was following her until it was too late to send me back. She didn’t want to miss the party, so she asked me stand by the speaker box and wait until she came back to get me. While I was standing there, I was approached by this handsome looking boy who initiated a conversation with me. After talking for a while, we realized that we only lived minutes a part.
From that night onwards he would visit me, however we discovered that there was a seven year gap. He was seven years older than me. Therefore, we decided to remain friends. The following year I moved to Canada to live with my mom, and we obviously lost contact. The following year I went back to visit, and we reconnected. However, it wasn’t until 2004 when we decided to officially date. He and I dated until 2005 however the distance was way too hard on me and so we separated.
Then August 2006 my best friend and I were preparing a trip to Virginia, the week before we were supposed to leave, I received a call from the USA and it was him, he was working in Virginia and was wondering if I could come and see him. Talk about perfect timing. The fact that I had already planned a trip to Virginia was like fate to us. He and I spent 3 wonderful days together. Eventually we parted ways again because I was a Christian and he kept saying he was not ready to give his life to Christ. As a Christian I was not ready to be with someone who wasn’t because the bible says for me to not be unequally yoked.
However, at times I would get a phone call from him, and he would always remind me that one day he would marry me. I would laugh because I felt he was too sure of himself. In September when I realized he was the one on the phone and not my brother I was a little paralyzed for words. I didn’t know what to say because we hadn’t spoken in almost a year. He broke the ice by asking his famous question
‘So are you married yet’
I told him no. He asked why and I proceeded to tell him that I was waiting for the husband that God wanted for me and not the one I wanted for myself, he asked what was I now looking for in a husband and I told him number one thing was a man that loved God and was serving God, because only then will that man be able to truly love me.
His comment was shocking, oh he said I guess I shouldn’t tell you then that I have been saved since November 2008. My initial response was one of happiness and then of shook because I knew that the one thing that had stopped us from being together was the fact that he wasn’t a Christian. That day has been the turning point in my life.
To make a very long history short, I was married January 28, 2010, to a man that has been in my heart since I was 12 years old. It took us 23 years. To say God is amazing is an understatement. I would never thought this would be the man that I marry, I would have never guessed it. Even though he would say it to me every year that one day we would get married, I never believed it.
What I have learnt is this, disappointments happen for a reason. God is on my side. He loves me, and He wants the best for me. When my heart was broken by my ex it wasn’t because God did not love me, it was because He wanted the best for me and my ex wasn`t the man God intended for me to marry. I have always said I want a story to tell my children about how their father and I met, I have my story.
My husband has been in my life for 23 years and I never knew he was my husband. When I walked down the aisle it was to the song God Bless the Broken Road by Selah. The words were exactly what I wanted to say. I am happier than I have ever been. My husband is wonderful, he makes me laugh, he makes sense in my life, he loves me with the heart that God has given him to love me. Loving him is very easy, because I have loved him since I was 12.
I thank each and every one of you who responded to my previous article about my heartbreak. I am a happier woman having gone through what I did over a year ago.