My parents’ relationship wasn’t great, and before I was even two years old the had ended up divorced. My mother ended up seeing this guy who I’ll just call J. I don’t remember a lot about him until around the age of five. I remember that he yelled a lot, he got angry at everyone, and he made my little sister cry all the time. But what I remember the most vividly is what I wish I could erase entirely.
I was asleep on my top bunk, and woke up because I had wet the bed. I knew I needed to clean everything up, but before I could even get up I saw J climbing the ladder to my bed. Over the years I’ve either blocked out what was said, or forgotten entirely. But he crawled on my bed took my nightgown and panties off of me and started touching and kissing me everywhere. He made me do things that were unthinkable at my age. He scarred me for life and took my innocence. But I prayed for it to stop and for him to go away, and two years later he did.
Through the years I prayed about lots of other things. Sometimes they were answered and, other times they weren’t. My mom remarried when I was about 9, we’ll call him T. T seemed alright, but as always problems crept up. When I was twelve he started talking to me differently. It made me really uncomfortable, but I never told my mom. Eventually it came to a head. I was laying on the floor in the front room watching the new Tron movie. He was on the couch closest to where I was laying. After a while he paused the movie, and he too treated me like an adult and took advantage of me. I prayed for it all to just stop, and God made it so. T went away and never came back, and my sisters and I went into the state’s custody for about four months.
Eventually we went home to our mom. My sisters brother S moved in with us to help our mom out. I was thirteen at the time, and he was eighteen. He started flirting with me and being touchy all the time. And then yet another adult male that’s supposed to take care of me takes advantage of me instead. I prayed for him to stop, and to get help. Eventually it stopped, and then he moved out. Two years later he got sent to prison for raping a fourteen year old girl.
Some people will doubt all of this, and that’s fine. I’ve grown used to being called a liar; my own mother doesn’t even believe me. But I know the truth, they all know the truth, and God knows the truth. Even though I knew I was supposed to I never thought I could forgive them for what they had done to me. But I heard a sermon from my pastor about giving everything to God and letting him deal with it in his own way. After that I prayed and gave it to God to deal with.