From Doubt To Love…

Hello guys,

This is my first time doing something like this so forgive me if I do it all wrong. I have felt compelled to share my testimony for a very long time now and I finally found the place to do it. I truly believe that everyone’s testimony is crucial because there are always tons of people out there that can relate to your specific story.

Here goes mine…

As a child, I didn’t grow up in a Godly household necessarily. Don’t get me wrong, I had an absolutely amazing childhood filled with love and support. My parents simply believed in letting me decide my faith and beliefs on my own. They always made sure I knew they would love and support me no matter what.

I remember being really young and even then I knew that God was real and that I wanted to be a Christian. I didn’t truly understand my feelings then, but I remember being on my knees praying to God every night and when I got done praying, I would kiss a cross necklace that hung on my bed post. As I got older, I still did those things from time to time. I would pray whenever I needed a little extra help from God. I didn’t really know Him at all though. But I wanted to.

I went through high school, college, and my early 20’s depending on worldly things to get me through each day rather than depend on God. I was a sex addict and an alcoholic. I placed my value on those things, too. If I could score my next hook-up, I was proud of it. I drank all throughout the days.

All I did was work day in and day out. I never saw my husband. I was so numbed by the sex and alcohol that nothing else even mattered to me. I still remember in that time frame knowing that I was a good person deep down though. I felt emotions so strongly. I could never bring myself to not help the people around me. Yet, I spent most of my time hurting the people I loved most.

It wasn’t until I hit complete rock bottom that I FINALLY found God. It took a while, but it finally happened. I had been through an affair where I was the offender, I had been hurt and used by friends, I had been through abuse, manipulation, and rape, I dropped my position at work, my family went through turmoil outside of my problems, I found out I had lost a baby again in the very early stages of pregnancy, I was battling migraines that lasted weeks at a time, and the list goes on. You get the idea. I was at my absolute lowest. I was suffering SEVERE depression, SEVERE anxiety, and SEVERE bipolar tendencies. I felt absolutely hopeless.

I prayed to God every single day to fix my life. Every day. And it seemed like nothing at all was coming of it. I almost gave up to be honest. But one day, God answered one little prayer that triggered my faith journey. I remember it as clear as a bell. I was laying in the tanning bed and I had been battling the absolute worst migraine spell. I prayed to God in that tanning bed and begged him to just take the migraine away. That’s all I wanted right then in that moment. I woke up the next morning and my migraine was gone. I went throughout my day gun-shy that a migraine was going to make it’s appearance at any moment.

It never did. Guys, I was so grateful to God for answering that one prayer that I finally began to start my process for real. I started reading The Bible every single day. I did daily devotionals. I prayed with all my might. That one answered prayer created a domino effect for me that still hasn’t stopped. I started learning and growing every single day. God proved himself to me so many times in ways that you absolutely could not deny it was God.

My beloved husband had always thought the same way about God that I did. We questioned Him. But even he was absolutely blown away by the things that would happen to me. I prayed that God would give me an opportunity to get another part-time job so that I could help  pay the bills but still be home and be a wife.

The very next day, my boss offered me a part-time office job which allowed me to stay working at the same place. I prayed during the holidays for financial help because between the holidays and losing my full-time position at work, I was broke and couldn’t afford to pay the car and loan payment at my credit union. The next day, I got a letter in the mail from my credit union telling me they were going to waive my car and loan payments for that month for being such a loyal customer. I prayed that He would help me to find a car that was more affordable and dependable. I ended up getting a car that had every single bell and whistle I wanted, plus some. They financed the car with the exact payment amount I told them I could pay for after they told me there was no way they could do it. On top of that, they made it to where I didn’t have to make my first payment for 3 months.

I was making half or less of the money I was used to making at that time, and somehow not one bill went unpaid. I can tell you now, that looking back, it doesn’t make much worldly sense how that was possible. It was God.

After that, I began realizing the power of prayer and using it. I have ALWAYS had a gift with people. I have always been able to read people very quickly. I can learn a lot about someone just by being in their presence for a small amount of time. Not just as an intuition, but spiritually and emotionally as well.

I can feel things strongly for other people. When someone is in pain, happy, sad, angry… I can feel those emotions very strongly for them. I have always noticed that people gravitate to me naturally. I never even had to try or reach out. It just happened. I know now that that is because that is my gift from God. God’s job for me is to use that gift to spread His love and understanding to all the people I can.

I guess you could say I have used it to become a Christian counselor and prayer warrior if you will. I began praying for every single person that I knew needed a prayer. I would reach out to people I knew needed someone to reach out to them, even though I couldn’t really tell you how I knew some of them needed someone to reach out. That’s how I learned how God communicates with you. You can literally feel it in your heart and conscience. He gives you a drive to do something that He wants you to do, and when you really have Him in your heart, you cannot deny it. You just do it without overthinking every little thing like you used to.

Pride, insecurity, worry… it’s not there when you’ve got God. It’s just love. He communicates with you in so many ways, but the way it began for me was actually with The Bible. I would grab my Bible and pray for Him to lead me to the message He wanted me to have that day and then I would open my Bible and it would be there plain as day. My husband got to witness that quite a few times. It’s an amazing way to feel God’s love and presence and I still do it and recommend it to this day.

My entire perspective on life has changed. The things I used to live for don’t even matter to me now. Everywhere I look, I see God. His love is so overwhelming and remarkable. Nature, loved ones, laughter… literally everything good is from God. Jesus is love. Jesus suffered for me… imagine that! He loved his enemies with His whole heart, He forgave them all, He gave us the teachings we need to know Him and live a happy life, He defeated death, and He did all this so this I could be with Him in Heaven one day. Not just me, but you and everyone that accepts him as their Lord and Savior. I cannot wrap my brain around how anyone could possibly not believe. I used to understand completely, but now God is so obviously everywhere. Everywhere I look is His love. I pray that everyone gets to feel that glory and infinite love of Jesus Christ.

The feeling of knowing that one day you will be in Heaven with Jesus surrounded by endless love and salvation… man what a feeling. Overwhelming. I can’t wait. My journey has only begun, but without God, I am nothing and I will share my testimony as much as possible if it means bringing people out of the pits of Hell and into salvation. I pray that this testimony will help someone take the first step towards the glory of God. Bless you all.

“So the opportunity is still there for some to enter and enjoy God’s rest. But those who first heard the good news about it did not enter, because they did not obey. So God planned another special day. It is called today. He spoke about that day through David a long time later using the words we quoted before: If you hear God’s voice today, don’t be stubborn.”

–Psalm 95:7-8 Hebrews 4:6-7

“I don’t mean that I am exactly what God wants me to be. I have not yet reached that goal. But I continue trying to reach it and make it mine. That’s what Christ Jesus wants me to do. It is the reason he made me his. Brothers and sisters, I know that I still have a long way to go. But there is one thing I do: I forget what is in the past and try as hard as I can to reach the goal before me. I keep running hard to the finish line to get the prize that is mine because God has called me through Christ Jesus to life up there in heaven.”

–Philippians 3:12-14

 

One Response

  1. Anon 1/25/2017

Leave a Reply