Sad Girl

From Depression and Drugs…

From Depression and Drugs to be Saved, Sanctified, Holy Ghost Filled, and Water Baptized

What on Earth Happened to Jessica?

People would often speculate what a life living for the Lord would be like. I could say that before this dramatic change in my life I felt I had enough problems in my life then to add on trying to live a certain way that was required of me. It was a no brainer that being a religious fanatic was no where in my future. However, I come to realize that it isn’t that way at all. In the mist of all my troubles, Jesus was already working in my life through subtle dreams and people crossing my path. He is working in your life as you read this but you may not be spiritually mature enough to recognize it. No one is born that way. It is something you develop. You need not be a rocket scientist but just have an open and weary heart. I was in a time in my life when I was struggling with depression, being in a relationship with an addict I loved and still do love very much, jobless, and just struggling inside altogether. I was wondering why I tried so hard. I served my country for five years. I had a college degree and I was a good mother. I couldn’t imagine how life could deal me hand like this. I cried and stayed up for many nights asking God why. I know this is not very uncommon to people. Some of you may be experiencing these things or have experienced these things before. I was medicating my self with drugs and alcohol to deal with my issues. I have always been somewhat of a strong person but somehow I lost grip. The common person wouldn’t be able to recognize me but those that knew me up close would see it.

When I accepted Jesus my mind was made up. I remember many times at night telling him no matter how he had to get me out of my situation to do it. I was ready to live for him. I couldn’t do it anymore by myself. If he had to take anyone and everyone out of my life then so be it. I could not walk out my situation. I was so bound that he had to get me out.

I made a decision having a tiny bit of faith that he heard me when I talked to him or that he even existed. I wasn’t raised in a church. All I know that if this Jesus character was real, and all they say about him is true that he would be the only one to save me from self destructing.

I was Baptized in Jesus Name and He Filled Me with the Holy Ghost

Holy Ghost? Could this be real? If it was real, then the bible is right and somebody’s wrong. I mean this was something those crazy Pentecostals practiced. They were the people that would wear the dresses and would speak tongues. No way! Yes way. And it happened to me. When I was baptized in Jesus name, he filled me with the Holy Ghost and I my lips began to stammer and I spoke in a tongue I could not understand. It felt like it was a release that I needed since I was victimized as a child. I felt special and was beside myself knowing what was happening and that Gods love for me was unconditional and that no matter what I did he forgave me. It was confirmation he heard my cries. It doesn’t happen immediately for most people but you have to ready to receive it. You have to repent of all your sins and have a clean slate with God. You have to be willing to fully submit yourself to his will. Remember now this was all new to me but my heart was weary and I was ripe for the picking.

After, the Lord blessed me with the Holy Ghost I started to change, I could recognize people for the spirits in them rather then just their body. God had taken me to a new spiritual level and doorways started opening. The bible in which I could not comprehend before started to speak to me in a sense. I started to understand it. I felt like it was some other realm or dimension that the common man knew nothing about. Scriptures started to connect and I started to grow in his word. I had dreams in which God warned me of tests to come. I past some and failed some but in it all God was revealing to me what needed to come out or he needed to put into me. This was a supernatural experience that was happening to me. I couldn’t explain it to my own family without them looking strange at me.

The Holy Ghost Moved Me

While still living in the same situation at home, I would hear the word… “Separate” in a faint voice in my head. It was that word and that word only. The Lord had saved me and here I was. I was still living with my boyfriend at the time and he had still been struggling with his problems and I was still technically married to my first husband. People would come around to have a couple of beers but I couldn’t be at peace. I made a vow to God that now matter what that if he took me out of my situation that I would give everything up. He was making sure that I met my end of the deal. I tried to ignore the voice at first but regardless I was a new creature in him. I could sense the spirit of alcoholism and smoking around me and it repulsed me inside. I was so sensitive to it now. What was happening to me? My spirit couldn’t take it and I moved me and my daughter out of the house and left my boyfriend who I loved very dearly. Doors began to open for me and I had a very close spiritual sister of mine draw up my paperwork for my divorce with my husband to get things right. Our divorce was final on February 8, 2010 and I am now living life as a single, saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost filled and water baptized woman. This means living according to Gods law not mans.

The Lord is Blessing Me

You can feel the Lords presence come over you when you have the Holy Ghost. It is a feeling of Joy and Peace. It makes me cry when it initially comes over me because it is a reminder that God is real, the Holy Ghost is real, and all that he has done for me. He has delivered me from everything. I am no longer bound. I am free. When the Holy Ghost overtakes me from time to time I dance in the spirit in my church, I shout, I jump and I feel like I am on fire inside. I feel like Jesus is all I ever want and all I ever need. I often tell people that it feels like if someone just told you that you won a hundred million dollars. How would you react? People wouldn’t even recognize me or think I have a few screws loose but I don’t care what people think, I know what I feel. I want to tell the world that if you are not experiencing this level of intimacy with God then you are missing out on so much. There is more to it then just tears in church and feeling his presence. He can fill you on the inside. When you receive the Holy Ghost you have power over all spirits. His joy strengthens you and he begins to lead you.

The Explosion

Jesus exploded in my heart and I am head over heels in love with him. The Holy Ghost is better then any drug. It is real. People who know me know that I tell it like it is. There will be some that believe that this is a coping mechanism and some that truly believe. I know that I have the true genuine Holy Ghost. I know that prayer changes things. I know that when I speak to my Lord and Savior he hears every word I say. I know he knows my heart and knows what is best for me at al times. There are new levels with Jesus and every time you pass a certain level the desire in your heart is so strong to go to the next one.

My Opinion

When you get to this level with God, and try to go back to the world you are never the same because of what he has revealed to you. You can’t ignore what you know without a doubt. The devil will try to deceive you and tell you that the world was so much better but why go back to what he took you out of? You came to him with a weary heart why would you want that back to anxiety, misery, heartache and pain… The Devil is a liar and he will tell you that the world is so much nicer. God allows us our own free will and if you choose to go back he will not force you to stay but you will never have true peace unless you are in his will. I want to stay in his will and when I said “Yes”, I truly meant completely “Yes”. I have to fight everyday when things come against me to. I live life in True Holiness as God asks of me.

2 Comments

  1. Shai 3/16/2010
  2. exodus 2/25/2013

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