Desmond’s Testimony of Freedom… from Serious Porn Addiction

From Adultery to Victory in Christ Jesus: A testimony on how I came to know the Lord, and got free from pornography

I remember when I was much younger having grown up on the cape flats, being surrounded by gangsterism, drugs and alcohol – saying to myself that “I will never allow an addiction to get the better of me because I was in complete control of my life or so I thought!).

At the age of 14, I developed a love for computers and at age 15 I hacked into the schools main frame computer and downloaded exam papers way ahead of the exams. At the age of 16 I was made chairperson of the schools computer club as well as an organisation called CICS and today I am a qualified I.T.

Specialist, an achievement most computer technicians only dream of. Am I proud of my achievement? To be honest with you, I don’t even know how to answer that question. In 1996 the internet became popular in South Africa and my love for computers grew even stronger, because I soon came to learn that the internet gave a person access to anything from the study of DNA to the downloading of music to mention but a few. I was not long and I mastered the art of the World Wide Web. (www)

One day while doing research on the internet I stumbled across something that really caught my attention – it was a video clip of a naked woman masturbating. At first I was a bit embarrassed but that didn’t stop me from visiting that same website again and again. Was that an addiction surfacing?

Not according to my standards NO. Soon the internet cafes started blocking websites containing pornographic material by putting up firewall’s but that couldn’t stop me from accessing these websites because my expertise allowed me to break through their firewalls and security systems.

I didn`t realise it at the time but my will power was driven by a strong demonic force called a spirit of lust. I couldn`t stop thinking of the images I saw on the internet in fact I became so addicted to pornography that I used any excuse to get away from my home just to go to an internet café to look at pornographic material.

I remember telling my wife at one stage that I got a 6 month contract to maintain the network of an internet café and it required of me to work during the nights. I never worked at the internet cafés, I just went there at nights to look at pornographic material and to meet girls online.

I was so excited when I got my own modem for my computer as it meant I could browse the internet in the comfort of my own home. My addiction grew stronger and stronger. I started giving up my sleep for the internet. By the time my eldest son was born I developed a nasty habit of chatting up woman on the internet late at nights asking them to send me naked pictures of themselves and then I would use these pictures to fantasise and masturbate in front of my computer.

Pornography started controlling my life and the more the internet expanded the more vivid my imagination to pornography became. I recall how excited I was when the webcam was invented making it now possible to bring a woman from anywhere in the world right into the comfort of your own bedroom and allow you to have cybersex with her.

I started living a double life and because my addiction became costly I was forced to use my I.T. Skills to defraud business owners, airline companies and hotels not to mention my own family. Hacking was child’s play for me, and I used computer software to generate credit card details then I would order hi-tech equipment online, as well as book airline tickets then sell it for next to nothing.

I would furthermore use the credit card details to book into 5 star hotels and also rent vehicles from car rental companies then I would have the vehicles trackers removed and sell the cars valued at over R100 000 for as little as R3000, sometimes even less depending on how badly I needed cash.

In early 2000 I made headlines in the major newspapers by being the first technician to advertise a business of unblocking blacklisted or rather stolen cell phones, as well as removing the security codes and change the imei/serial numbers with software which I hacked off the internet. I started cloning bank websites “phishing” for peoples banking details and use it online in various fraudulent transactions. There was even a time where the police was convinced that I was part of a HUGE syndicate, but much to their surprise I was a 1man band.

I was forever in trouble with the law and as a result I couldn`t stay in one place for more than a year. My one track mind started deceiving me and I was continuously lying to my wife about the reasons why we had to move house.

Lying became part of my lifestyle. I was so addicted to pornography that I had to remind myself at times that I have a beautiful wife at home who loves me unconditionally. I also loved her but I loved pornography more.

I hated myself for neglecting my wife and living right pass my children. I kept on thinking of the times whereby we would go on family outings then I would be more concerned about whether the place where we were going to had internet access or not. Once we were driving back home to Johannesburg from Cape Town and I spent the full 17 hours on the road chatting up another woman on my cell phone and stared at naked pictures of this woman with my wife sitting within an arm’s length from me.

My cell phones were like body ligaments as I couldn`t go anywhere without it.

I always operated with two cellphones, one for business and the other for my addiction which was permanently on vibrate as I didn’t want my wife to know when I got calls or sms`s. I felt no shame and would pick unnecessary arguments with my wife just so that I could have an excuse to leave the house because being alone at home with my wife and children made me feel trapped.

I treated my wife like dirt in fact lower than dirt, as long as my wife would stay at home, cook and clean and not bother me with the children`s issues then all would be ok, other than that I couldn`t care less whether my wife had feelings or not and I spoke to her in any which was I pleased. I was heartless and showed total disregard for my marriage vows. According to Matthew 5v27, I had the trademark and the characteristics of an adulteress because every woman I laid eyes upon I would undress in my mind and long to sleep with. I lost total control of my life and gave myself over to my addiction and I became a slave of Satan.

I want to tell everyone that if there is one addiction that surpasses all addictions then it’s pornography. Pornography is not just an addiction it’s a stronghold, a demonic force that controls your way of thinking. By the time I realised all this my life was in complete disarray. I look back at my life

16 years later and I see all the heartache and pain I caused in a lot of people’s lives. So many times after coming to my senses I wanted to put a stop to it all and tell my wife everything but I was too ashamed and couldn`t build up the courage not to mention I was too afraid that my wife would leave me, but little did I know it was the very wife whom I disrespected all these years who would forgave me when she told me that love keeps no record of wrongdoing according to 1 Corinthians 13.

All the lies the deceit, everything just became too much for me to bear and I repeatedly called out to the Lord. Then the most dreadful thing happened, the SAPS were informed of my whereabouts and I was arrested. I couldn’t understand why because it now seemed that everything I was told about God was a lie. I was under the impression that if you call upon the Lord in your darkest hour then the Lord will rescue you.

But I was reminded by my wife that God does not listen to a sinner (John 9v31) but if I repent of my wicked ways then HE who is faithful and just will forgive me of my sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. Then I knew that the Lord has heard my cry, and suddenly I understood the scriptures in Galatians 6v7 that “what a man sows he shall also reap” and I decided to take complete responsibility for my wrong doings and stood up to face my giants.

I accepted Jesus as Lord of my life, and prayed for Gods will to be done in my life as I pleaded guilty in Court to all charges against me. I will never forget my father in laws words to me the very first time I ended up in prison. He said that Christianity has a price tag attached to it, a price that Jesus already paid for me on the cross of Calvary. I got sentenced that day and I asked the Magistrate if I could comfort my wife who broke down in tears. I held my wife tight and asked her to be strong for me, and for our children’s sake as this is one journey that I must take.

After my plea of guilt, I reminded myself every day that I didn`t choose God, but God chose me, and that Gods plan was always for me to prosper and never to harm me. I came to learn the importance of walking in faith for the bible says that without faith it is impossible to please God. My encouragement to every believer and/or non-believer, don`t serve God for the benefits but serve God in spirit and in truth for it is the reason we were created. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Live at peace with one another and in everything give praise unto God be it in the good times and especially in the bad times.

I must tell you that Satan is still trying to remind me every day of my past but God not only raised up a standard in me, he also renewed my mind according to Romans 12v2 and restored me by tasking the handcuffs off my soul and gave me back my life which the devil continuously robbed me of and today I can truly say that I am free from all the bondage including pornography because he whom the Son sets free is free indeed. Hallelujah.

I would like to send a stern warning to anyone who makes use of online chat programs like MXIT, FACEBOOK, TWITTER, WHATS APP, BBM, GOOGLE CHAT and many more. One can so easily be drawn into the web of social media. Remember it is programs like these that ruin relationships and break up marriages.

To my darling wife, partner and friend, I want to thank you for your love and support towards me during my time in incarceration. You have truly shown me the true meaning of love which as the word of God says keeps no record of wrong doing. I want to thank you for loving me pass my mistakes and for submitting unto me despite the fact that I failed you so many times and in so many ways. I need you to know that it is because of you conduct that I came to know the Lord according to 1 Peter 3v1-2 and today I want nothing else but to serve the Lord with you in spirit and in trust. Babes I love you with everything inside of me, from the deepest, from the abyss of my soul and heart. I know that I cannot change the past, but I am trusting God to raise up a standard in our marriage and take us to greater heights in Christ Jesus.

To all my children – Lauren, Lindsay, Lucian, Luke, Lyle, Megan, Kurt and Jason, Dad loves you very, very, much and Dad is very proud of you. Even though Dad was not always there for you, Dad wants you to know that we can now be the family that God intended us to be. A family fully numbered.

Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind, Thank you for not leaving me behind.

IF YOU OR ORGANISATION WOULD LIKE FOR ME TO COME AND SHARE MY TESTIMONY AT A CHURCH GATHERING OR CONFERENCE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME…..

Desmond Geduldt